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tree Sep 2
after years of pondering in musty libraries and public bathrooms and on my bedroom floor i think i finally understand why the face staring back at me in the mirror is so unfamiliar

i am not my dark eyes, i am not my crooked nose, i am not my thin lips, i am not my rosy cheeks

no, i am the hairstyle that my mother taught me how to do before middle school started so that i could take care of myself
i am the love poems that run through my head all day because language is so wonderful and you are so wonderful and sometimes i can't help but experience certain compositions as many times as possible
i am the friendship bracelet that i wear on my wrist that matches with my best friend who would never wear a bracelet in a million years but did it for me
i am the whirlpool of love that exists behind my eyes that shy glances and awkward eye contact put there

i see myself in my fingers mindlessly tapping out rhythms from my favorite songs, not in my tears, but
i see myself in everything i mourn for

i see myself in the money i saved from my grandmother's funeral three years ago because i am too attached to part from it, not in my smile, but
i see myself in my inability to keep a straight face when someone laughs at my jokes

the years of pondering in musty libraries and public bathrooms and on my bedroom floor was worth it because i see myself in those too, more doodles in the margins of the storybook of my life

in the end, i became who i am because of you
humans are but mosaics of the people around them ;;; we are such little seeds if not watered by loved ones
tree Aug 28
our pupils widen to let in more light so that we can see something better, but
when we see people we love, our pupils widen to take more of them in,
to drink as much of their image into our eyes as possible

my eyes change to see more of you
the human body is spectacular scientifically but we're so soft and pure when it comes to people we love
tree Jul 5
i'm sure everyone has loved a song that they've heard somewhere,
but they don't know the name of it
or how to describe what it sounded like
and so you try to replicate it, but it is not the same
and so you try to listen to other music to forget about it,
but it's so stubborn that you don't notice the new notes.

i knew someone who was like one of those songs
oh that was a beautiful experience, he was beautiful, and his voice was like the song i couldn't get out of my head

i remember his face and his voice and him just enough to recognize him but not enough to find him, and
i know enough about him to know that he exists, but not where he does
the thought of him gives me butterflies and excites me, and i want to find him but i can't, i know some but not enough
and the thought that i have lost him forever destroys me every moment of my life

even though i don't know who you are or where you are or how you are, you are real and the way you made me feel is real and i know that you exist somewhere and someday somehow we will meet and i will bask in knowing that i wasn't wrong about your beauty

now i cover my ears because i know
if i do hear anything else
either i'll be consumed with my want for you
or i'll forget you altogether
' i don't even know your name,
all i remember is that smile on your face ' - shawn mendes

(based on a real experience but i have moved on i swear)
tree Jun 12
isn’t it beautiful that our first reflex when listening to music is to replicate that tune,


with the same throats that are tired of speaking we try to make art
karaoke :D
tree Feb 12
when you walked by,
everything around me withered away.
always upon you was my mind’s eye
and so it was, every single day.
in the morning i woke up looking forward to you
and every night i fell asleep thinking of your eyes on mine
who knew if you liked me too?
regardless, the taste of love was upon me like fine wine.
i couldn’t hear the wind rushing around me as i fell
but in the moment, the feeling was enough to make my heart swell.

today i wrapped a present
and no matter how much i tried to hold it together, it kept falling apart
outside, the moon was a crescent
and the tiny sliver of light seemed just like my heart.
not enough light to illuminate the sky
but enough to know it was there
my eyes welled up with tears but i didn’t, no, couldn’t cry
it was almost like my feelings toward you had stripped me bare
when i was falling, this was the opposite of what I’d felt
and now that i’ve crashed to the ground, i can only remember when you would make my heart melt.

falling in love is as beautiful as falling apart
i prefer the latter in a way
i'm used to holding myself in my own hands, it’s an art
i’ll always be there for myself, but i won’t beg you to stay
you were my sun, but for what?
there is an entire universe full of stars and yet i gave up my soul to fall for this one.
falling for you was an experience out of my life I’d never cut,
but falling for myself was a victory for humanity won.

so, catch me when i fall
and let’s see if your name my heart will call.
hellos!! this is my first attempt at writing an ode, i'm not very familiar with this structure nor with rhyming, but i really liked the content of the poem regardless
tree Jan 23
i'm not afraid of dying
i'm lying when i say
i don't want to die
after all, but
life is just a cycle
they say
we are born to die

really, i am afraid
of existence
i look forward to the end
i'd never say
death scares me
now read it from the bottom up :)
tree Jan 23
i. expect the unexpected. you were unexpected, that’s for sure, but the most unexpected was my falling for you. not my type, not safe, nothing, but it was you i fell for. know that falling doesn’t hurt, don’t keep yourself locked inside yourself for so long. falling is blissful, even if you don’t end in his arms.

ii. it will be beautiful. let yourself be lured in. bloom alongside him and do not be scared. the stars are watching over you, you will be fine.

iii.  even if you think you are ugly, you are beautiful. inside you is pure love, even if you don’t use it for yourself, remember that it’s there, because that is the most beautiful thing of all.

iv. you love him but let him go. you love him but he doesn’t love you. you love him and even if he says he doesn’t want to hurt you it will hurt. it hurts so much but it makes you stronger. true, i led you to this fate, but trust me. your light glows warmer after it has been extinguished.
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