The last rose petals fall to the ground
leaving the rosehips bare
as autumn’s chill again comes around
to strip blooms that had been fair.
The rosehips have hairs all wiry and grey
that also break off, one by one.
Her color is gone, she fades away
until this rose lady’s season is done.
Her petals arrayed on frosty soil
decay gently in the cold rain
while in her hips, seeds are born
to bring forth new roses again.

there is magic in a steaming cup
in seeing with sick eyes
through the white morning

A woman who moves in silence
Her face softened by the distance

She carries a life
not numbered
a beating heart for two
so big the walls bend around her
as if to say
“nevermind the others”

Confronting profound consternation
The positive faces negation
But for unions that matter
Illusions must shatter
To welcome the reintegration

Ashes to ashes, and dust to dust,
The end of all we knew.
The death of all the love and trust,
To be reborn anew.

Spring, rebirth, a phoenix,
All symbols we have seen.
One step forward, not a trick
Fleeing from where I’ve been.

Who was I? It matters not,
What matters is where I go.
Sure-footed now, giving all I have got
Can’t let the relief show.

The past is behind, and I don’t dare look back -
Or else I may lose the way
One day at a time, my plan of attack,
I am stronger, or so they say.

What will I face? I’m excited to see
Despite all I’ve left behind.
The worst has now gone, I guarantee
No more will I be blind.

You’re by my side, that’s the difference this time
The reason I’m so sure -
We've both had to hide, now there's you in your prime,
Two halves of something pure.

In my New Day I arose from my
screen-tent-mole-hole-flimsy-bomb-shelter-for-my-soul
and walked down to the banks of the Missinabi River
at the Mattice Landing
with dog’s leash in one hand and my right hand
leading lady’s in the other hearing and feeling tall grasses
swishing against my pant legs
and the crunch of course sand under my feet that once trod fields of green tall grasses swishing against my pant legs in the meadows and rocky woods of
my childhood and youth where I spent summers working

at my Aunt and Uncle's farm in
Canada's Northern Ontario region, and in the woods and along the banks
of the Lackawanna River just over the **** behind
the house of my childhood and youth in the Anthracite coal
region of the American Northeast which is light years away from the land of my birth where I now live in this Northern Ontario port in the middle of a deep
                                     cold sea of countless
                                     converging
                                     never-ending
rivers
lakes
trees
swamps
bogs
muskeg
and mountains of snow
where snow white and black flies fly freely.

I am always trying to go deeper into the trees and bush
burning deep inside my heart of hearts to follow the Moses
that is in all of us.

This eternal Voice in pebbles crunching
under foot and tall grasses swishing and canoe parting
waters that flow deep in my mind and spirit--once only
winding past burning villages where humans **** and pillage
--but now also following a more
pastoral             idyllic             and super-natural course.

A vagabond never quite understands the working-class
woman and man living their small dream with their offspring and slice of land.

I thought they were all ostrich with head in sand.

But I now see that we can't all afford to brood as I often do over the daily news.

They must rise early the next morning alarm clocks not set on snooze.                                            

work ethic
family hearth and home
days of scent
of freshly mown grass  
barbeques                                          
campf­ires  
coffee brewing  
children playing  
TV and music blaring
dishes rattling
in sink or
swim in the lake

Loosen the watertight mind drum and just dive into the
crunch of pebbles under foot treading fields of green tall
grasses swishing against pant legs...

Not only wishing
but going deeper into the trees and bush burning
speaking to our primeval consciousness.

This eternal Voice in pebbles crunching and tall grasses
swishing.
The whooshing sound of wading in a stream streams
through my soul as I savour the body taste of wet gritty sand
between my fingers and toes crouched down wet-crotch deep waiting long enough for minnows to tickle fingers and toes as mosquito’s pin-prickle skin.

Watching creatures much smaller than I gliding
even walking on calm still water which we humans can only dream of doing in our motorized sleep.

I think I now understand:

To not be constantly mourning the plight of man isn't being ostrich with head in sand.
I must keep gunning-off the haunted deeps alluring stare.

I must taste life
    Smell and feel life
        Enjoy life outside of my troubled mind

against the backdrop of the latest holy war
and the imploding creations of our kind.

Forsaken Kingdom
Lord of the Silver Ashes
Minding His New Herd

When Life's darkest clouds gather over me,
I seek shelter from impending storms;
Curtains are drawn closed, all the doors secured ---
And soon Life's grotesque profile transforms

Darkness spreads its arms like a faithful friend,
Offering comfort and asylum here;
(I'd rather not see what lurks in the light --
What we can't see we tend not to fear)

In my solitude, peace and harmony
Join to banish thoughts of bitterness;
Soon yesterday's pains fade and slip away ---
Precious gift of sweet Forgetfulness!

And should the anguish prove unbearable
My beleaguered soul succumbs to prayer;
Please, don't pity me . . . I've been here before . . .
Misery always seeks its darkest lair

But I find that Time, with its healing hands
Soothes and calms the tempests of the mind,
And from my shelter I emerge, renewed,
Leaving Life's most loathsome hours behind

~January
Time for resolutions,  opportunities. and changes. All I would think was, “Did I just blow open wide my world”. I’ve had enough of the disrespect, lack of appreciation and consideration. I lost 10 pounds within two weeks of saving myself. I felt the weight of my decision on my shoulders. But as I return the keys, returned the ring, took all my things and locked the door… a new person walked alongside me.
                                                    ~February
Romance, love, roses and celebration. I surrounded myself with friends and family. Old childhood friends, new forged friendships and kindness and patience. With truth, reveals secrets and deep thoughts that plagued myself and others, set free for healing to slip in. But I laugh again, I sing again. And all the while, that new person seems more familiar with each day.
                                                     ~March
­Luck, abundance and new beginnings. I noticed I think of you less, I think of me and my future more. I grieved the past, that present and the future I was looking forward to. However that future was bleak, filled with disappointment and tears. I now feel purposeful, proud, encouraged with the road my life has taken; as I look at this familiar person and say “hello again.”
                                                     ~ April
Renewal, resurrection, and blessings. Although at our anniversary and I could not be alone, I felt more seen and heard in this time than I had in the years I’ve been with you. I think of you in passing and the pain doesn’t sting as it use to. I feel sorry for that woman who held on for so long that she no longer has tears to cry. I shed that skin and can see how that familiar person alongside her as me. We are so alike now, she is so proud of her new and familiar skin and I am proud that I never lost her.
                                                      ~  May
I don't know what's in store. The ripples of my life have outreached my view but holding my own hand, nothing will hold me back. "Hello again" indeed.