Letting go is the wind during a storm, your emotions playing a tug of war.
No she isnt ready, let her grieve, let the stars give her a sign when she may start to be her old self again.
But what if this old self does not exist anymore. this new one is the real you,formed by tears, divorce, death, drinking and things your eyes cannot unsee. your friends say
"why are you so quite today?whats wrong"
i feel like shouting "DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME."
what if i want to be secluded in my own thoughts.
im still grieving
Let Me Remember What Could Have Been.

Everyone is a light.
Most are like chandeliers,
Fanciful yet pretentious.
Oh please, one lamp is enough.
But then there are some
Very rare, very precious
Candles, lighting the path
for others,
Even if it spells their own demise.
And these are the people
That will earn respect,
Reverence,
honor.
And these are the people
That will not die drowning
In their own tears of regret.

I followed the lead,
Of my sinister caretaker
I was taught to serve my greed.
And we lived with men of no stature!

That was when my people, brown
Just free from the clutches of blond folk
We spoiled many men, who wore an unseen crown!
For our avarice grew of their prosperity’s scent.

We hooligans ruled the fear,
Of the humble and the righteous
They knew they lived in no ****** shire.
Our bare sight, rouse them nervous!

We revered no civil code
Vices and hatred our nub,
We belonged to no family, no abode.
No handcuffs strong enough to help curb!

Such was our thing, our cupidity,
To which none dare rise against!
Our victims seldom showed their agility,
For grief we inflict is a poor choice to endure.

The honest fell on my grime feet,
But how long will justice fail to prevail?
My hired judges failed to sow my ‘righteous’ seed,
And I was pushed into the chasm of evil to wail!

My life until death now lay waste,
These insidious walls seldom let me rest!
My wretched soul yearns to run away in haste
The very thought of freedom, a precious zest.

The days at first I numbered for a lost cause.
They made me hope, the very part I often stole,
From the just by virtue of my flaws!
At night I sit waiting for the sun to rise.

Those rays of light seem now as precious gold.
No prison mate was a heart of resort.
As a shoulder to cry upon and hold!
I yearn for a wise consort.

A woman like a mother, I wish.
Though a dream, I least have this liberty,
I feel blessed to have it to relish.
But I remind myself to repent for eternity.

I am reduced to a number,
I dread to now count!
Seldom have I got to be in a deep slumber,
My nightmares bark like a hound.

I stare out of the window,
As repentance flows out of my eyes
A woman came searching for me that fine day
The woman of a just man I once slay!

She didn’t have revenge in her mind
But pity and mercy like the viscous honey!
She bought sweets, I met someone kind!
I felt mortified of having robbed her man.

She claimed to instill goodness in me,
That there would be no disparity amongst us
If she choose to be passive and loathe!
That day after years I felt a bird sang to me of joy.

She preached to me of gods,
Of the same virtue but different form!
I prayed to them, one day a lord,
And soon watching her made my heart race!

For she was the only woman I knew
The only one I fell for,
A forbidden love, I fancy!
Soon she departed to her pristine abode
And with her left an eternal grace!

To this widow I owe my soul,
Her goodness makes me hope.
That I can be righteous and commit no foul
And this was a dream I sowed passion for.

I would stare out of the window
To see the birds soar high.
No mountain stopped their flight,
Nor a tree tempted them to rest.

Then when I heard of death’s call
And that my endowments lay unperformed
Her words proved to be true,
Hope surpasses the depth of every woe.

There lay a little of life to live,
A respite offered for a promise.
And they let me see the world,
All its grandeur, all its bounty!

It seemed nothing like yesterday
For they had taken from me
The chunk I should’ve valued most!
The world had risen in time,
And I was left with none.

But it felt akin to waking up
Like from a deep slumber,
In a place not known to me!
And every priceless breath I now took,
Like the first breath after coma,
The courtesy of the widow!

Time's clock ticking, drops
infinity into the rust of bedside tables.
In Bed-Stuy, in D.C, dear Baltimore. And you too,
Ferguson.
East Coast warriors raise high heavy heads.
Break loose shackles, blushing muscles. Veins
of ancients pump through us.
Now we cry for peace. Resilience and time
******* out from present pleasures. T.V screens.
Longing hours contemplating
forgotten dreams. Nightmares,
trickle blood out of nosebleed section patrons.
An operatic multitude of greed
and insanity. Corrupt millionaires
spit down on struggling, stuttering
lost and alone
actors, poets
the good politician.
The neighborhood bully weeps after swatting a fly,
and immortality feigns existence. Be here
now death, let them know the coming of peace,
spiraling black holes
of emotion and pride and dead boys.
Broken time continuous, and hearts.
9-11, 2001 rocked a nation,
what rocked you?

Where I worked, I was quite content
To help people was most relevant

My favorite was a young-little boy
Everyday held utmost joy

His smile was wide and missing teeth
Covered by curled lips acting as a sheath

His hair was once orange and red
Replaced by brown he said he wanted mine instead

He'd run his hands through his artificial curls
Excited he spun his two wheels in whirls

I'd push him down the hallway in his chair
His loving parents waiting to meet him there

They smiled every time they said goodbye
When the mother turned I could hear her start to cry

I took him back to his room
When out the window were stars and moon

Every night he asked me not to leave
I would stay there until he sleep

Most nights he'd wake up in pain
His tears for release a permanent stain

This boy suffered an incurable disease
All he wanted was a sense of ease

Multiple needles stuck in his arm
I.V. fluids doing no good nor harm

One night instead of asking me to stay
Instead he asked if I'd take him away

To a place where he could feel no hurt
A place where all was new and divert

I stood in silence within the door
A hesitant smile I gave once more

Go to sleep and when you wake
Somewhere new you will stay

That was the last smile I saw him grin
Before eager sleep took over him

I fought the tears as I held the plug
No more pain for my little bug

Questioning if what I did was right
But the young-little boy has peaceful sleep tonight

My mood is just changing. I can't even see you as my friend anymore.
Sooner or later you're gonna need me. I see you looking at me at times and you try to look away. I just wish you would tell me. You usually don't even acknowledge me anymore. Whatever I did I am sorry. You always forgive me for everything, but now I think it's changed. I just wish you'd give me a one more chance. We usually talk to each other all the time. You talk to everyone except me. You ignore and it hurts. To be quite frank I try to ignore you, but you just seem to have a hold on me. When I told you I love the first time everything went downhill from then, but truly I hope we can just start over. You will always be in my heart even though we aren't close as we once were.

He wrote me poems,
his heart on a page
filled with black
covered in syllables longing to reach me.
My heart was open,
raw and forced,
by the claws of heartache.
His words felt like liquor,
stinging the scrapes,
then numbing my heart,
drunk in the peacefulness of comfort.

He wrote me poems,
but I could not read them.
My mind was elsewhere,
lost in the memories and the hope for a tomorrow,
and
I slipped away,
broke his heart,
the page went blank.

He doesn't write me poems,
but this one is for him.
For every leaf that falls,
I think of him,
every snow that dusts the grass,
I remember him.
I will write him poetry,
to cover up the guilt I feel.
I hope he reads this,
to not understand
the enigma of love
friendship
hope
*im sorry

Tis' easier to run,
To little worlds,
To have a little fun,
And move on...

Than to live life as they say,
With an open mind and a loving heart,
To face each day as it comes,
To sleep peacefully at night like a baby,
It's better to see and smell a rose,
Than to pluck it,
Like walking on grass for a short while,
And jump back to the paved winding paths,
To keep moving on...

Tis' easier to run,
Into the arms of many women,
Not to brothels but to bars,
Drink and kiss,
Only to move on...

Than to understand everything,
With a wise mind, open to all thoughts,
Tis' easier to be a hedonist,
A creature of pure desire and passion,
Like better to be loved by a few,
Than admired by all,
The mind plays tricks,
The heart simply wants,
Mind draws conclusions from illusions,
The heart aches for mirages and rainbows, far far apart,
A tiresome journey is this search,
But from one to the other,
It goes on...

Tis' easier to run,
To little worlds,
To have a little fun,
And move on...

From innocent treacherous souls,
Needy not knowing the chains,
With which lives are bound,
To go on and yet stay,
Circling an unsteady lot,
Like sheep with dogs around,
Tis' easier to stay,
The way, the way the world isn't,
Ignorance begetting Conformity,
Knowledge creating a moral high ground,
Tis' easier to break hearts,
Hearts of others and own,
Than to feel pain alone,
Look back, wave and move on...

Tis' easier to run,
To a detour, from the race,
To stroll amongst animals,
For the sake of moving on...

Than to last the while,
Gasping for breath,
Gushing in between swims,
To fly in dreams,
Tis' better to listen to far off sounds,
Of unknown beings, of creatures yet to be found,
And follow the craziness in circles,
And lose sight of a goal,
Than to play for winnings,
Than to fight ego battles,
Belittle the words spoken,
Simply pass by than forgive hurts,
Let life move on...

Tis' easier to run,
To little worlds,
To have a little fun,
And move on...

They have come back
The demons that vowed to haunt me forever
Only now I smile
Finally we are on the same side
In darkness, there is only light.