Have you ever been in a gruesome exercise that requires you to focus but then you start to think about her and you literally forget to breathe because just by thinking of her she stole your breath away?
Have you ever been in a situation whereby all you want to do is draw a canvas of her uniqueness with words but the moment you begin to write about her its blank? Its like she is worth more than what I can write about her, she's perfect,beautiful, smart, unique, funny and I can't seem to put it down because words aren't enough.
Have you ever been surrounded by thousands of people but without her you seem to be alone and lonely.
Have you been in a situation whereby the world has turned against you and all you want to do is cry but when you think about her all you do is reminisce your moments and all the pain fades?
Well that's where I am right now.
She's countries away from me but each day when I receive a text from her my heart begins to race, my palms become sweaty and I'm immediately nervous because each day all I want to do is impress her,make her smile and laugh because she's worth it.
You know I'm afraid of going to sleep because then I won't be able to talk to her but yet i'm excited because I get to meet her in my dreams.
I'm afraid of waking up because I have to leave her in my dreams but I look forward to the day because I get to spend it all on talking to her.
She makes me happy and honestly its been a long time coming feeling like this.
Super duper whipped
You know that moment when you wake up in the morning and all you want to do is check on your computer see if she sent you a mail while you were asleep?
You know that moment when your boss passes by your desk and you quickly minimize your window screen because you have been chatting at ever single break?
You know that time when you hear a song and all you can think of is her although she is so far away.
That moment when you smile like a fool and make excuses to busk out in the sun alone because you want your mind to only think about her and your conversations?
That moment when you don't know what your mind is really speaking but you don't want it to stop?
That moment when you realize that all these happenings are as a result of some stranger you have never met Face to Face yet and you know when you speak of it, It may sound silly?*
.....Well... Let's say am Sorta-kinda heading there.
Nuh, not heading, am there. lol
Please no more insults,
No more judging. You don't know my story so please stop trying to break me, I'm already broken enough and still being broken by myself.
Please no more, I'm already broken enough.
I'm tired of crying, I'm just tired.
Please no more.
I'm back to where I was before Broken. Someone save me...
I'm sorry, I let you down once again. I've failed myself and my mum, God knows how much I want to make her smile for all she's done for me but I'm sorry.
I've stained your heart and and mind. I've corrupted you and gave you various issues.
Depression, Anxiety and Panic attacks, OCD and ADHD. I'm sorry.
I hope to see you smile one day, I'll fix myself and I'll make you laugh but for now I'm breaking you, I don't know what to break since everything is broken but I'm breaking the broken because I don't know how to pick us up...
I'm sorry for the new tears,
The messed up fears and nightmares.
I just don't know what to do.
I'm sorry I failed you and mum, I swear she needs more of our smile than we do so while you're breaking fake a smile for her, I've disappointed way too much.
From: Rea, A pessimistic messed up part of you.
It's the simplest of words that mean a lot. But then simplicity is apart of complexity, So If I'm complex then maybe my apology would mean more.
I've been walking around for about two hours looking for a sign, something but all I found was pain, guilt and well me being ashamed of myself.
I messed up and I'm sorry.
If all the words in the world could describe who I am then I would gladly take them because right now I feel like, a *****, a *****, a ***,and mostly I feel like ****,
I'm a **** up, a hypocrite I am the worst of myself and I'm sorry.
I never meant to hurt you, all I wanted to do was make you smile.
Make you see the best side of this world but I ****** up... So I guess I'm just like them a pretentious **** up...
I'm really sorry. I pray to God that things will be okay.
I only want you happy, I swear to God that's all I want, even if it means my happiness at stake then for you anything.
We come from two different worlds yet we're close.
We're like parallel lines.
We are equidistant from one another and we'll never meet, but for some reason we're headed in the same direction.
Why can't we be perpendicular lines?
Why can't we meet and create a 90 degree angle?
Is it fates way of saying we can never meet?
The mathematical theory can always be related with the psychological one when it comes to relationships or our own issues with ourselves.
We can never be because we're not meant to meet.
We're headed in the same direction but the space in between is two negative magnets keeping us at a distance, hence we fight to be close only to be pushing ourselves further away but always equidistant one another till we eventually agree.
We are parallel lines.
However what we refused to wait on is the second Mathematical theory on Parallel and Perpendicular line.
We can somewhat change a parallel line to a perpendicular one just by rotating a line 90 degrees. This in a psychological manner means that no matter how pessimistic a relationship feels, how depressed we are, how alone we feel, with one change we can create a 90 degree angle of happiness.
It's true though. Math Geek
No, not forever,
I'm a player right? I've made way too many forever promises and look at me now.
'Mum and Dad promised me forever, My bestfriend promised me forever, my first Love promised me forever but they stepped on the words as if they don't exists, They ****** with my heart and literally laughed in my face.I'm too disturbed for forever or commitment, I'm just playing the game, No Love no nothing just some sweet talk, Psychological games and I *******' He thought to himself.
'Eh I don't know pretty lady you seem different'. He smiles.
'I'm lying to you, I'm just bored of using the same ol lines' he thinks to himself.
"So we'll last" She said with so much hope in her eyes.
'Yea you changed me, I want to be with you only'. He smiles.
Another lie bites the dust.
He said he needed a gateway from reality. I said he's messing with girls hearts, he shrugged and I left, but he's still my bestfriend and I hope this is a phase for him.