I wish to remember the bad
the fallouts and the fights
the arguments we had
Could I be delusional
out of touch, insane?
For nothing negative comes
when I search my brain
Rather all you bring
is happiness here
stirring up old feelings
many of which I fear
What truly scares me
that I lie to myself about
is that I'll never move on
and take to the grave my doubt.

I find myself in a storm
I knew where I was going
Yet I am surprised
That God is crying out
Water from his eyes
Me by myself
My worries and my fears
I knew where I was going
How did I still end up here?
Then I see the lights
The only offering of guidance
They keep me from going astray
Without them surely
The ditch is where I would lay
I've seen these lights before
In following my older brother
In the kind words of a friend
The proud teardrops of my mother
They were there all along
Showing me the way
Were it not for them
The ditch is where I would lay

silence siphoned slow breaths
from the stale closets
of which were my lungs

my body keeps memory hostage
it severs nostalgia
from my limbs

severs love and everything beautiful
from my fists
and yet, i am still trying so hard not to let go

i am holding onto nothing
that seems like something
worth holding onto, just for a little while

I need to release the who and why of my cause and fully immerse myself in the Lethe, lest I risk rambling recklessly down wrong roads. Unbroken activity and exertion act as anesthetics in almost all instances. But it is those quiet moments of seclusion that the sense of her hits hammer hard.

     My heart is haunted by ghosts of you everywhere I turn;
          The sense of you is still the backdrop to my world.
     I can almost touch you in the empty spaces around me;
          The sense of you is a palpable presence in my life.
     Even with everything I have, even with everything I know;
          The sense of you is still a sense of completeness.

Autumn is in the air and my memories are reeling during this, my
     favorite season.
I am overwhelmed by the vibrant patchwork woven together
     from my images of you.
          Each ruby red reminds me of your laughing lips.
          Muted oranges trigger tremendous thoughts of warmth
                     in your welcome.
          Golds brilliantly blaze with the fire of your encaptivating eyes.
               Rich browns swirl 'round as the creamy coffee of our
                     conversations.
          And,
               Gleaming, glistening, glowing greens are an everlasting
                     testimony to the life knowing you had renewed in me.
I was mistaken. You are my favorite season.

you have discovered
you can travel through time
but your favorite place
was always the past
déja vu
you go in loops
reliving what was

remembering is a curse
for feet that desire
to move forward
and eyes that can only
look back
you cannot spit out
the bittersweet taste

this place is barren
but the ghosts you left behind
walk its empty streets
and you keep visiting
to see the love you lost
with flowers on its grave
ones you do not recognize

the present is a place
that seldom interests you
you walk backwards
towards it
you are still welcome
and the gates are open
if you ask for the key

the future cares for you
cannot wait to see your face
you have gone weary
from your travels
going further and further back
you can return any time
but here you will be loved

You're back in my life now
I'm stupid, somehow
I thought we could be friends
I was dumb enough to forgive the end
Now you walk past me like you didn't do anything wrong
You ruined me
And it was two years ago but I'm still falling apart
Every remaining piece
Breaking when I see you
I feel so stupid and so ******* lost
I really need a hug right now
All my friends deserting me is too much
I can't take this anymore
I might do something drastic

I don't really know what to say
It seems I've run out of words
But everyday I miss you and it's just getting worse
Since you left I feel lost and everything hurts
I cried myself to sleep last night
And stained my pillow with tears
I woke up at 2 a.m.
Cause you're not here
To turn out the light
I wish you were here
So you could teach me to skate
We'd get pizza again on Fridays
Then get in bed at eight
And go to the cinema on Sundays
You'd still defend me
When I get cat called in the streets
You'd kiss and hug me
When I'm crying and weak
I would bake us cookies
And we'd dunk them in black coffee
We'd give each other hickies
And laugh when people ask why
We'd move our bed to the window
So we can look at the city lights
Both our heads on the same pillow
And pass the most perfect nights.

I tilt my head in reassurance
for the flowers wilt and die
yet another will be risen tomorrow
and the birds again will fly
through dusk and dawn this cycle of life
predictable yet we are surprised
when I am born I didn't ask to be
and tomorrow I might die
but all is well for tomorrow
will come
and then the birds will sing again
and the flowers shall bloom in fragrance
and the sun will fill my heart
but the sun lived its last breathe
and its last flicker of light shone
as a mirage of a typical sunset
and a death with a hope for a life
and the planets crumble
and the moons decay
and tomorrows bud that will never bloom