I've imagined our farewell so many times,
hugs and sweet words of an impossible love.

I really thought I knew when I was going to see you for the last time,
I even planned it.

How I would walk out that door to never look back.
With my head held high, the feeling of relief, freedom.

Little did I know that it already happened, and I missed my que.

Instead of my moment of glory I walked out in anger, with my last words still saved.

The big moment I've been waiting for..

Gone.

It was nothing like I imagined.

No doves flied off the ground, no cheering crowd, the skies didn't clear for me.
Nothing.

It was a night drowning in alcohol and emptiness, it was our song.
It was grief.

That's what it was.

But i was the one writing the final chapter about us. I gave us closure.

Now it's time to close the book, to put it on the shelf of memories.

Each a different sea,
a sea nonetheless.

The one on your side has a warm embrace.
Mine wraps me up in a cold breeze whispering defeat.

Your beach holds sand to ****** your feet into,
leaving a lasting impression of your skin against its grains.
Mine is a bed of rocks.
Which shoot up cold shivers against my spine that no longer tell lies.

Your bed is soft, lace-wrapped,
skin peaking through.
Mine are cold sheets,
tie me down against an empty mattress.

One solace is firewater that promises softer sleep,
a diluted reality,
and memories miles away.

Long fingers,
cold skin.
Daydreaming of sheathing your sword in my warm ribs.
Rough night, sweat drenched with teeth awaiting a taste.

Bubble-wrapped I wonder if there is a chance.
Tiptoe and steal one last piece of vivaciousness.
Breathe in, smell relief.

Her body stopped fighting
Her heart became willing
To feel again

Drunk butterflies

Her ache pulled him in deep
Her heart warm with his heat
To feel again

Drunk butterflies

Her hunger fed with passion
Her heart race to exhaustion
To feel no more

Drunk butterflies

Drunken with your seed

once upon a time,
there were two peas in a pod.
true partners in crime;
envied, was their facade.

they kept each other's secrets,
at least one pea did.
a few spilled, the other admits.
she was reluctantly acquitted.

forgiven again and again,
deteriorating the bond's trust.
controlling her best friend,
their connection doomed to combust.

the big blow up never happened,
one pea just rolled away.
her life is now unburdened,
ready for a brand new day.

Twenty-seven years
Of losing out in love
Twenty-seven years
Of never giving up
On anyone I love
Full of hate, But full of love
Full of courage, Full of heart
I’ve fallen down
But I got back up
Got lost, been stuck
Found a way back out
But fell right back in

Twenty-seven years
I’m still holding on
Twenty-seven years
All the best parts of me gone
I’m still staying strong
But for how long?
Every day could this be my last song
Twenty-seven years
and it all goes wrong
Twenty-seven minutes
Bad lucks born
So many decisions
but I’m still torn

Ever since childhood memories
I’ve had enemies
I’ve lost energy
trying to fight
With all of my might
I’m losing sight
through all these hard times
Through every single line
through every rhyme
Through everything I write
You get a glimpse
Into my troubled mind
So appreciate the time
That I’ve put in
To every word
From all the hurt
In my heart
From all my broken love

Twenty-seven years
It’s taken to come to terms
With all, I’ve had to learn
Twenty-seven years
I’ve learned to burn
All the rage, the hate
Wipe clean the slate
Twenty-seven years
I’m still around
Twenty-seven years
I’m standing my ground
Against the tides, the crowd
It gives me a reason to shout
My passion out loud
Standing tall and proud
Before I’m taken out
In the final round

Twenty-seven years
Twenty-seven years

©2017 Written By Benji James

I swim in a sea of troubles & worries,
My every move is calculated.

With my breathe straggled, I fling my arms and thrash my legs about hoping to fly out of the deep dark sea of my anxiety.

******. you are the most wonderful thing I have ever met.
And I'm not saying that just because I like you too much-
I'm saying that because you are the best thing to look at.
I'm saying that because when I look at you I don't want it to ever end.
I'm saying that because when I hear you laugh I want to be able to play it on repeat forever.
Im saying that because ever since the first day I looked into your eyes- I knew I needed to know everything about you.
I'm saying that because out of anything in the world- I would pick you.


Unfortunately. Some things come to an end, without a second chance.
Who am I kidding? take all you need.
I won't pretend to be as tough as you like to seem.
With all this confusion clouding my once clear skies, I give it all away.
He knows what's right, He knows you'll be back.
all I know is, He will keep me safe.
I wipe my slate clean.
Leave the worry behind.
Sigh in relief - Sigh in disbelief.

When the morning winds press on my cheeks I feel content but not full.
When I decide on something more my self-doubt alongside darkness overtakes my mind in a crippling spiral removing my motivation and adoration infinitely.

Yet whenever I encounter something fresh as well as pure to the eye it grasps my eyes for its beauty, for our standards bring us reputations but a lack of satisfactory.

When I notice the love within the air my heart beats in suffering and knowledge that I myself will not be sharing that moment as my spouse is away from my side yet it comes to my realisation that I give them higher hopes than myself which is what love is, isn't it?

I return to the mindset of an endless pain yet now I must admit to myself, will pain bring me any pleasure or just a lifetime of anguish?

For I stand alone but I stand with a smile, pride ruling over my side but a sin that is not sinful but simply delightful.

it’s here,
the place of rest
the paradise and relief
from homework and stress
no piles of paper full of numbers
I detest
you can’t test
me anymore
even though this me at my best
well, more or less
forget the method of guess and check
cause I’m checking off the word vacation
can’t fight the sensation
of peace
here’s a piece
of advice
don’t let the sun come up
and you’re not smiling
cause it’s only three months
before sheet piling.
don’t waste time deciding
the world’s inviting
you to take a chance
start those lessons in dance
then salsa over to
the capital of France
break a baguette with romance
go on and advance
take the gift
cause you only have 88 days
to make a difference