as out of character as
it may have seemed;
i still cried
       like a ******* child

I’ll never forgive
Not just the moments
But the way you made me relive every one of them.
How after all this time I’m forced to claw open the shining scars,
Bleed it back out,
Dive into wounds my mind had closed off,
Drown again,
Become that victim I always swore I’d never be
But had always been.
I’ll never forgive the way, after all this time,
You can still make me bleed,
Make me seethe,
And feel so small.
Make my mind curl against the agony
When all I asked for was you,
But you weren’t real.
I found only a monster behind the bull.
I may never earn love
But I know I never earned this.

-listen man, I got the internet, in my hand.

There is just too much to think about, So true.
Imagine having all the time in the world to try,
and an ai to sort on my search criteria,
-what would I have loved to know?
outline history, done.
overlay Protestant Bible timeline.
overlay Parthian Empire
etc. BTDT ad infinitum fun item
Ai takes a rough draft life,
and makes all its test phazes open book.

To now. At the speed of that does not matter,
cut to the after the chase,
now, what matters?

i pluck my skin clean off
and collapse into myself
it keeps playing in the background
  i don't think i love you anymore
it twists and tugs and yearns for release
but do i release for attention?
it keeps playing in the background
  you don't have to hold me anymore
my eyes have needles in them
they make stitches through my head
it keeps playing in the background
  i don't think I love you anymore

Take me away,
To the brighter days where daylight trickles into the crevice of my despair,
To the sweet escape that lingers in the air,
Take me away,
For I am of this sphere no more,
I long for you as you play in the wind,
As you brighten universal hues of contentment,
I seek your benevolence.

Finding the flow
The balance
The art
Of fulfillment
And letting go
Knowing when to say yes
When to say no
Self care at its best
Proof that I’ve grown.

i've been told i have been silent recently
but maybe they just don't hear me
am i whispering?
i feel like im screaming from the depths of my soul
so why can't they hear me?
if your eyes wander long enough
you'll see the pain
if you're listening
you'll hear the long-held breath i let out
when i finally get the release
of detaching
and realising
what helps
me

Do I want to see the forest through the trees
if that also means the hornets in between?
There's a comfort trail of nothingness
leading beyond the sun setting west
towards a dark abyss looming
my friends try to soothe me
by saying it'll be like before I was born
but at that point my life ****** even more
so the vastness of the universe
reminds me that my bullet hearse
isn't blessed or cursed
it'll just disperse
like the tears on the face of my clock
coming from the face I show not
a shocked ant on a spinning rock
with vertigo fearing it'll fall off
knowing once the spinning stops
there's a darkness block
with nothing to be bought
or sold
not even gold
can reverse getting old
so I don't want to see the forest
and I'll hide behind the trees
getting lower on my knees
praying God help me please
because I fear that final release.

I’m right where I’m supposed to be
Right here, right now

Letting go
Letting go
Letting go
Of all that does not serve me
Of all that stunts my growth

Breathing in
Breathing in
Breathing in
Bravery
Patience
And compassion

To spread love and light
In the kindest of fashions.