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Kris Fireheart Apr 2023
So many things
I've endured,
To be where I am
Today...

Molestation, aggravation,
All the things
They did to me...

Suicidal? Hesitation?
What are these
Two things to me?

PTSD, ASPD,
Anxiety...
So many names
Like games they play

For whatever is
Wrong with me.

But all I see
Is a sea
Of hopelessness;

A broken Me...
And I can't see
A cure for my

Deadly disease...

I just see "Me"...
I've gone through a lot in my life. I've loved and lost; I've wandered and wondered. I've hoped and dreamed: I've yelled and screamed... but every night,  I suffer... in silence.
Kris Fireheart Sep 2019
Yes I can,
Take your hand,
Smile like a fool,
And say "Isn't life grand?"
And we can plan,
With Lady Xan...

Stressful days,
Sleepless nights,
Can't catch a wink
For the sweat and fright,
When I feel like,
I've lost the fight...

The pleasant sound
That bottle makes...
I toss it in my palm,
Like an old mistake,
And wonder how
Many should I take?

A little here,
A little there,
A little in the middle
Of my Anywhere,
And I can breathe,
This stagnant air...

But when she's gone,
Oh, trouble brews,
Feeling such a pain
I never thought I knew,
What to do?
Oh, what to DO?

With Lady Xan,
The lowest hand,
Feels like a gift
From a wonderland,
And yes I can,
With Lady Xan.
Xanax.  My bane,  my curse,  my savior.
Kris Fireheart Jan 2020
It's another one of those sleepless nights...
All alone here in my darkness.
The blanket stops above my heart,
But I still can't close my eyes...

There are no more dreams to covet inside,  
No visions of wonder or gore.
That time has passed, so long ago,
And now I can't "see" anymore.

And so here I lie in my bed, wide awake.
Wondering why, and counting mistakes,
And silently hoping that somehow,
One day,

Somebody will hold me,
And ease all this pain...
I hate being alone... ever since I lost my fiancé, I still have Yet to find love again... but I can dream. I can hope...
Kris Fireheart Jun 2020
It's been the longest time,
Since I've felt this alive.
So many years gone by
Since I've seen all these guys.

But on this day,  I rise,
When I was granted life,
To find my eyes surprised
By all their smiles and cries!

"Hey, happy birthday man! "
"It's been a long-*** time! "
"We planned ahead, and decided
To grab some whiskey and wine! "

And that was all it took,
To get it through my head,
That when this night was over
We'd likely do it again.

See, I'm a man with good friends,
I have a thirst I must quench,
And when Bacchus calls for me,
I always let the games begin!

And once these parties start,
They rarely, if ever, end.
And when the bottles do run dry,
Someone carries some more in.

"And every glass I take,  I do it not for me;"

"It's for His Majesty!"
"It's for His Majesty!"

Now it's the third warm night
And all the wine is gone,
The whiskey comes along,
And they break out in song:

"Another cup for mine!"
"Another night survived!"

"It's for His Majesty!"
"It's for His Majesty!
My birthday parties can get a bit long and wild.  I turned 30 June 2. Yay me... bah,I'm so old...
Kris Fireheart Apr 2023
So many people walking by,
So dead,  but still alive.
They're all in a rush to
Get in line.
Familiar faces,  with their smiles
As blank as mine,
Open eyes and empty minds...

Stuck in their patterns,  day and night,
With no release in sight,
They live and die inside their hives...
From nine to five they keep their
Masters satisfied;
White collared slaves who don't realize...

They drown their pain in
Beer and wine,
Illusions of good times.
Just leave your hopes and dreams
Behind...

Check your emotions,
Leave your happy at the door.
Drowning depressions while they're lying on the floor.

I see the sadness in their eyes,
The truth behind their lies.
See, they can't laugh,  
and i can't cry...

They form the pieces of the same machine,  and I?
I'm standing by,  

Watching your world through

****** eyes...
This is actually an older poem that I once posted here, which somehow ended up deleted. It was written by me and my fiancé during the best and the worst times of our lives. I was a ****** addict for 3 years during college; we both were. After losing him to an overdose in 2013, I finally managed to get off the hard stuff. But still I miss him every day.
Kris Fireheart Apr 2023
My home. My safe place!
My sanctuary of peace and calm!

Deaf as I am,  I'm glad to have friends,
When someone tries to steal from my mom!

So we kept watch, over her van,
Seeing the shadows of an unknown man,

We're suited and booted; my knife
And his gun,
And we're ready to take him,
Or force him to run!

******* all,  I have work
In the morning,
But I'll be ****** if we don't
Send him a warning!

Our shout brought him out,
And we watched him run,
To go steal elsewhere,
But he'll have no fun!

Not here; not now.
At my grandmother's house.
So I stand and I shake,
Eyes wide open; awake,

A knife at my side, with
My rage as my guide.
Hell no! Not here!
Not now!

My home.  My safe place,
My sanctuary of calm!
So I await the coming sunrise;
No one ***** with my mom!
Someone tried to steal my grandma's van tonight. So the adrenaline has overpowered my sleeping pills, and now I'm stuck with the urge to ****. But that's fine by me; I'll stay awake! I work tomorrow,  but I'll never be late.
Ken Pepiton Apr 2023
NOVEMBER 5, 2016 / - a note to my future

The old man said

I have persevered

The new man waited

The old man said

Through long years of toil

And sweat rivers of ****** tears

For what

I got

Ye got that

The new man waited

Ye got that

The new man nodded

Perseverance that’s what

Jesus said

I needed

And I got it

By God and

I ain’t quittin’neither

The new man waved said

Nothing and

Walked away

Gracefully
Fourteen more and my thousand poems on HP prove the worth of perseverance and constant change... fragile... these thousand poems shall hang on the sites continuance, of fade away forever.
Kris Fireheart Apr 2023
Laying down upon the grass,
Morning Dew caressing my back,
I look upon the stars and
Manage a smile...

I know it's been so long,
Since I've heard your voice and song,
What I would give to live again,
To take me back awhile...

A single tear rolls down my cheek,
Mind full of words that I can't speak,
But every night I take myself
Into the past...

I remember that sweet taste,
Your rugged lips upon my face,
And every night I grasp your key
And ask god why...


When the morning sunrise comes
I hear the beating of the drums,
The way our hearts would always
Sound as one...

And when I wake upon the days
The very first words I must say
As I kiss the gift you gave
Are
"stay with me..."
A poem I recently wrote in honor of my departed fiancé, who passed of a ****** overdose on October 16, 2013, a day I can never forget. We had the best times of our lives, and we had the worst times of our lives. But we LIVED and we LOVED. And every day,  I still think of you... on my 22nd birthday, he gave me a sterling silver key to propose to me. Sadly we never lasted long enough for him to buy me an actual ring... I miss you, chucky. Sleep in peace, my beloved.
Steve Page Mar 2023
I wrote a story today
start, middle and end
a tale with a moral
brim full of suspense

I wrote a story today
with purpose and drive
nothing like real life
- the hero survives
A storyteller, at his worse, takes the messiness of life and places it in order – ensures it make sense.
Ken Pepiton Feb 2023
T. A. Preacher- a character investigation

Friday, February 3, 2023
12:33 PM

Thanks for looking twice, this is after chapter one.
So that's the first line of chapter two, I suppose
That was one, but this is first because,
the internet is read last to first,
later this is the middle, it is auto intuitive

Any given day gone by
I may have thought I like this ending.

"Before time, God Almighty promised eternal life. Before time!"
A preacher to the choir, offered this as proof,
that there is life, after the time
of life has ceased, thus hell,
must be avoided…
if you can read this accept it must have been voided
nullift,
to totally invalidate lobster stacking- or well, no hell, never was.
kingpriest selfishgene mindmeme power substructure
in the course
Masterclass Civics, with Newt. I was there,
that series in the course
of human events… timeless
and --- grace must be earned.
              Duty-wise, Soldier of the Cross T. A.

I am doing nothing, really, messin' with messaging tek
thinking momentary lapses reoccur aiwise
déjà vu is a function, not a flaw
we recall becoming, and learning, as a we, we
do not unbecome.
Be true.
Life is not a horror movie.
If, indeed,
the effect
from knowing, die-for-it level knowledge,
is being free,
becoming free,
to chose the way
we go from knowing,
wow, Teddy Ruxpin, Worlds of Wonder,
was a beautiful idea, look what we made…

The now old gadfly, happy to die, happy to pass
the spark  to kindled acts enforcing char
at the spark,
to burst in tiny, most tender of flames, softest
wind
tend to sush…

lulla-byye'es be  long here, hmmm, listen

arrested developments catch light, used right,
once burnt, twice wise.

Let no story steal the peace you find
upon precept one.
Your point.
Your reason to expect better from worse,
this time,
the one that counts, constantly, ticketing mindspacetime
hook,
to the sidetracked train,
using your attention tension
to increase our torque, you learn
and we got a load o' gamblers and ramblers
ridin' my train,
we, let me tell you, we, the passengers on this train,
we, thought Sisyphus happy,
thought him so, he said,
he'ld show us rock rollin'
keep it secret,
but having something to do,
get to the top, take your
time,
meandering down,

hell's what you make
from life
with you as init-
for years, we felt we should, keep it secret
for the whole existential philosophy route through then,
-re zen
commabreaths re member,
we agreed, objective POV, gratis, no credits due no body,
observant being we…
- wait, maybe we become better each time
Contrary to the once incarnate God, who said he gives,
without money and without cost, slick as gnosis, re-co-known.
- you will pay for knowing what you think you may know now
Mindspacetime, same yesterday, today, forever… instant, constant
time, not more,
time, no less, yet
time between distant things remains,
but
in the mind's timelessness,
constant instants
in prayer,
accepting
unearnable grace, as expertise
with the weapons
of warfare, in truth and spirit perfected,

in waiting, fect, compleat. As time's tyranny breaks,
and next
is after nothing, and the rest remains.

Advocate for the truth as possible.
Opposing principles ruling voice,
- gut says walk it out
- guy in mind thinks stick
- anon become
I am the Authority who may say we,
and it, or he, or she, ad in fun item,
union rule. We, the whole
idea driving the threads hear…

click it
disagrees
with all the dogmatic tools used
in the business
of fear motived religious service.

He holds to a conceit, a heresy, at first
accepted as his own, but that was pride.

Plum on my thumb,
oh, what a bright old man am I, silly me.

One, among the eight-billions, I, silly me;
what can I do?
pSigh, hi-band lo-brow
Fast the acceptable fast.
Announce the acceptable year.
Disagree with all who claim secret
insight based on the Bible, Torah,
which says none of the works of YHWH
were done in secret.

Cretan,…


of a certainty, as often hap
t
Finding peace, core serenity,
body, soul and spirit,
heart, mind, spleen, gut, reins and
liver, fingers, toes,
levers and pumps,
tunnels and tubules and folds.

Organized containment of life
-that's what bodies are
for articulated interference
with objectified reality,
beyond the bonds of flesh and blood,
I,
me, you see, I think I exist abstracted
from the mass of mankind,
from the nameless soldiers sent to war
for the God who is served,
by allegiants, pledged from age six,
to honor the pledge to the nation
representing the perfect will
of the God
of the Church Selective.

Documented seven sec set. true that.
Selective Service US 56910427

Right.
Rights.
Right use.
Right reason.
Right cause, just effect.

Affection attached
Military  mind pays affectionate
attention
to tension
some force in one dir
ect effect of minds melded
"to make a mental impression on," 1630s;
earlier "to attack" (c. 1600),
"act upon, infect" (early 15c.),
from affect (n.)
or from Latin affectus
"disposition, mood, state of mind or body produced by some external influence."

From <https://www.etymonline.com/search?q=affect>

Sheer jesuitry… been said known, so
coulda been a pain
to learnsumomahlathashit, stuckSTÜCK
salimsayn okeh, say it
oy vey

Unavoidable thorny issue burrs, sores rubbed
so raw

The business of religion, for a while,
in America, religions united
in pro-hibition, which, I
do not rightly know, what hibition is,
so I do not think I'm ob-liged re-liged
or promise tied, to be pro
much at all.
When my hair grew white,
I went all in for freedom,
and self governing, and self categorization
allow if you must, a battle,
- I heard a Rebbi say today
- jerusalem is in our minds, or yours
- I may have mistaken, who knew
Bedtime, echo opera, my reality,
nothing's on hold this is live
forever

Ego- arise
Exceptionalizm extreme, personally,
become
dead to this world and all its science,
falsely so called,

you know. Teaching times and seasons,

change to some before time state,
when nothing that is was,
-Phrygian Sitar twangninng uper subtle soft
distant soft even there still
and God {El-oh-him} he said, to nothing,
apparently,

be, and light, apparently, occurred,
plausibly causing time,
whereby days of exactly how ll'll


choke point, language pattern shock event
worst on New Guinee - for peak effect
it could be surmised,
confusion-wise
as language appears full bloom. Be
sensible
right
now, ah child, did nobody tell you,
we already get what you get when you get here.

Language, the signals we send and receive,
friendly dog, entire demeaner, wags,

trained dog, coded, made ready
to accept command, language, "sic-'em",
Wolf1
you may have heard,
if there were a time in your past experience,
if there were a once,
when you went to jail
for your boss, or because you would not lie,
not even by omission… ah, let me tell of a once.

There, in the everso long ago,
in the canyon I can feel,
to this day, I can recall,

the time I prayed, in Sycamore Canyon,
while looking through my wallet,
while sitting on a rock, in the middle of the creek.

I had no money, but I did have a Gospel Tract,
I had purchased, from a door to door sales man,

a white-haired man, full, not long, but full white beard,
and a Greek fisherman's cap.

I do not recall his pitch, but he  asked for a quarter,
in exchange for a 32 page book of Bible verses,
anointed through the testimony of untold numbers,

over and above the gross of original chosen ones.

As recorded in the Bible, the word is its own evidence.
believing is the believer's duty…

Come, let us
reason, you show me yours, so I show you mine,

as when the prophets proved one the other,
show me your faith, in knowledge,
I'll show you mine formed in time, timeless now,
in the past,
in the course of cosmic events, global-earthwise,

mankind has power to devise and construct,
means, whereby we all can just get along;
but the Bible says,
or the Q'uran says,
or the Founder says,

or research into remaining tangible fibers,
bones, shards, art-intuited spiritual aspects,
say said
aligned
with the stars… sacred orders evidence,
the sun, and the moon, and the stars,

wandering and otherwise,
so vast, even then, there were seers,

later, the nomenclature changed to prophet,
and seers became witches suffered not,
no putting up
with seers saying prophets were blind
leading the blind.

Chosen warriors, called of the systemized faith,
the only allowable faith, truth be told,
the one that knows God, truth and spiritwise.

Where all men are created equal,
if, indeed, the story is told
to all with ears
to hear… if, indeed, lieving be, is believing, done,
letting letters hold the law, wherein
the spirit must abide, con the knowledge needed,

to measure worth, and offer appraisal,
for all a unit
of mankind is valued. equally in the inchoate mind
of the nation, just taking shape, in the highest minds.
Then, again
Look, learned masses,
learn the lessons from tyrants past.

The greed a child can witness, in spirit and in truth,
as manifested in the churches,
used to tame the wild Indians.  All
of them, slated
for eternal damnation,
due to ignorance of life's rules, as revealed
to preachers who truly comprehend Revelation.
- the award goes to, the man with the turtle
- a man of the cloth, in the long tradition
- he wins the skin of the lamb,
- and as per rules, the scapegoat books.

As did Father Joe Smith,
and Ellen G. White, all the suffragettes
Mary Baker Eddy,
Aimee McPherson, Katherine Kuhlman, Jimmy Swaggert, All Saints fans
Tony and Sue, David Koresh, Jim Jones,
and all the congregations
in TV Land… and
the entire PTL financial support base, et al

And Rome and Topkapi and wherever else
so help me, god

------- this must be way later, just thinkinsayin
rubbing my eyes, and tasting
potato salad

Is this a thorny issue, oh, to the letter
if I offend you, I can explain,
the point to being itchy is making marks
when finally scratching the surface
riverwise peace acceptance broadcast
old seed, unplowed mindtimespace.
hooh, stick, hold
!¢ÜLXX-¿Þ? thorns marked such heresies
in my record in the cloud of all knowing
as you may in advertently already hold known
once have
Have you ever, really, been in jail?

- Why you ask, really? Is there…
Yeh, there are imaginary jails.
- like puzzle lifes?
Complexities, many creases, many ply, thick
walled off separate sections in mindtimespace.

Held thoughts, enclosed in thought bubbles,
and stacked, no,
o
can't stack bubbles, yet
stacks of globular shapes topple.
polar attract pepulse
push pull
come to shove slimy truth metaphor
rib-it
Ah, ha, frog's egg globs encased in goo.
Protoplasmic goo.
Gnosis, subconscious know how, frogs bodies have.

Patterning thought nets, thinking holds, slipping
fix the point… attach [arachnoid-mater-kids]
your mind to mine, let this mind be in you, seen

from a lustful hustler's most winning con, forming,
like a plan, do the religion, be
Elmer Gantry… listen
as each adjusts the other's wig,
the promo guy, wise to the Hunt silver game,
shame he would not listen, few knew,
to the lady, she knows the game.
She has sprinkled her bed
with aloes and myrrh.

Simple, go right on your way, the end there of…

my cue, queue up, get your excuse,
- who thinks all he knows
- simple
simplicity is a valid excuse,
feeble minded finding comfort
in an imaginary reality,
certain that the truth, eventually wins,

those we may attempt to tempt.
- we made no such bet
- no mas win lose
Sublimnity, you see,
subtle expression of the man, Christ Jesus,
would that ye all were wise as serpents,
such as legends testify, wise serpents
seen burned in toast
once
preserved the hope of mankind,
at the cost a heel stomp, **!
Aieee
She slew the lying demon, no, no,
that was me, Eve and the shining thing
I can tell it from when no witches burned
Beyond Prince James's Thesis on Daemons,
Ai- we found san razon, d
ust reflective mica
mine licensed sibyls pipe direct
all on raspberry pi,
- it's not all smoke and diamond dust,
We have the facsimiles in mindtimespace storage

Python 3. Magnitudes, orders of above
old wives tales juvenilized
to mere Tolkien/Lewis
Grimm-level bogus spiritseed, degreed B.S.

---------- with that capital B

----------- we entered the reasoning chamber,
with all the wu wu allowed
in me, let this mind be,
- from Paul's doctrine of mind-using
- in Romans, yes
delve, dig, dis-cover the sealed knowings known sealed,
awaiting discovery alone… that's Hebrews, not sure, anon
-- I coulda said this
to nobody then
now I said it to you
--- in another chapter I went mad and
copy pasted hebrew curse derivatives
and their phonetic lottkaballahalelu yeha
yep…
but you're not ready Hebrews, permission
granted withheld, mind prison, while keyed up.
to deny any use to the bicameral mind/brain sack
precisely measured to Dirac's dismay,
never ending eve is really thinkable,
as long as any one wishes,
know your own too much,
that was certainty
my child hood bet was that I won, and nobody lost.
in defiance of Delphi,
by millennia,
trust me

the language of life, earthling to earthling, evolves,
as we augment our pluralminded state, situ-circum

float-ish

here-ness, and nearness, and absence of distance,
time immeasured,
quarkishly insignificant units of self awareness shared,
we
can think as who's must have been thought to think,
when we were seven,
and inoculated by Suess.
In
Oculus, bud, from one branch,
into another, through a tiny RIP.

Some days, I am the only reader, as I rest, in peace,

peace, I choose to think,
exists, out is, be-ing, action-ionic, there's the rub,

amber and cat, spark of re-co-knowing all about love,
as a child,
let's refuse,
to ever grow up… let's pretend, my friend, to the end.

Wake up, get outabedragonnon anon anonymous
visitors,
arrive announcing, each nameless, yes, anonymous,
I saw, I forgot,

serpentine little think, wisdom exercise, you ordered,
or did I, going subjective for a second, I thought
this…

and I read it, and I am thirstydrymou
THUD
and cold. Settle,
reset
breathe softslowwhoowhowowowooooo-slow rereadhay
okeh. More or ride it one more time all we w…
soft quiet 9:59
already the slow twangy sitar in phrygian soft g distant
soft there, softer yet under us

This is the end of chapter two.
An novel dripping in the freest medium available, thanks for making it a pass time.
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