Why is life so unfair and cruel?
Is there a reason I live with a graveyard in my head?
How come all my past mistakes haunt me?
Will I ever stop lying awake in my bed?

Do the sleepless nights ever come to an end?
When will I finally have relief?
What do these ghosts of regret and pain want?
How do I vanquish the undead thoughts and greif?

How do I change for the better?
Am I destined to stay who I am?
Can I defeat my inner darkness?
Will I ever be more than a flickering hologram?

Are there any signs of life in my smile?
Has the spark faded completely from my eyes?
Will I ever be more than a breathing puppet?
When will I stop living for these temporary highs?

A question that always running through my mind.
I s he the one?
Would he love me forever?
Would he stay?
Those are the questions that makes me anxious.

I know he love's me,
but is it enough?
What if he gets tired of loving me?
does he really love me?
What am I supposed to do?

A person may fall in love a hundred times,
but they fall for the right person ones.
Prayers, hopes and wishes
When can this be true?
Some of them work,
some of them not.

**** for the always anxious side of me
Maybe I didn't notice what I see.
Maybe he truly loves me.
I don't know, I can't be the woman he wishes for,
but I'm trying my very best to be me.

He jokes that we'd argue over bedsides
We'd live in hipsterville &
I'd bike everywhere &
douse myself in patchouli each morning

He giggles at the thought of us
Dancing in our white-walled apt &
the wine spilling over our glasses &
the dog ******* in the tub

What a crazy thought--Us
Sanding our own dining table &
reading the headlines &
taking pills before breakfast

He laughs at these things
These things I've already thought

Buried under sheets alone
in wonderment
of what we could be

--
c

i guess i figured by
twenty years old i would
be the girl with
the band and not
the girl in the corner
behind three crockpots
and a cash box
dancing alone

but that's my favorite
part so far of being twenty
that by now i know
i am who i am
and i don't have to be who
i once wanted to be

sunset flickers across the
road and off the telephone
wires as once again
boredom sets in

maybe not my favorite
part because i hate this
but i figure it's comforting
even if i have to lie to myself

i also figured i would
be in love by now
and not
just lonely

on the other hand
i never realized
that i've always
been lonely

a lonely that
stays the same
regardless of who
i'm with

regardless of who
is under my feet
regardless of how
i spend my weekends

raised in a habitat that
did not tolerate the
concept of evolution
as being a possibility

but isn't that part of
carving my own way?
realizing that
i have changed

and i guess growing up
growing old
is the hardest thing
i'll ever do

Blacken my heart
Capture my Soul
All these ways
And I don't know where.
Where to go?

Anger boils my core
Alone I wander
My heart beats softly
And I want to know why
Why it beats on?

Time continues to haunt me
Clinging to the past
It grips me tightly
And I need to know how
How I let go?

Am I found now?
No. Surely I am lost
My nature has left me
It tempted me with a place to go
It whispered why I am here
And then it told me to let go,
by giving into the pain.

I didn't want to listen
Just let me stay here with my questions.
It's comfortable having that control
It's peaceful to live within the known.

Who are you
Who do you think you are
Such a beauty
Making me feel quite odd
You're so out of reach
Yet within an arms reach
A look so complex
Yet so simple
A super cliche name
That fits you perfectly
I sound so struck
Yet you haven't attacked
You say let's take it slow
All I can say is how slow
You don't know it
But you mean a lot if this happens
If I make a poem because of you

This is why I write
For times like this
When I have no idea
And you don't let me in
I'm left guessing
Out in the open
Confused and lost
Worried and saddened
This is why I write
When I don't know what else to do
Your happiness fleeing your body
Leaving this anger
For what reason I do not know
This is why I write
To let you know
When you won't listen
Its not just random occurance
On why I do it
This is why I write