Your worth is not in other people.

It is not when you look most beautiful, or in the thank yous disguised as apologies.

Your worth is in the days you pick up the pieces even as they slice your fingers.

It is tucked away in poems you'll never share because they are too painful, and smuggled past the battles you win benownst to none.

It's in the tiny victories, and the small moments that mean ever so much.

Your worth is in the size of your heart whether or not others can expand enough to contain it.

It exists in the tears you choose to give the world, for they are gifts of the care you hold within you.

Your worth is in the sparkle your eyes hold when nothing can stop you.  

It shines in your shamelessness and in your effervescence.

For nothing can take away your worth when you are priceless.

I can see disappointment in your eyes
And how your love for me dies
I can see you no longer want me
As if disgusted by what you see

But I’m trying to understand you
Justifying everything you do
Because you’re struggling as well
I see you’re pain, I can tell

I won’t get in your way
I’ll do anything to make sure you’re okay
I’ll be the perfect child you need me to be
I’ll make you proud you’ll see

It’s difficult to feel fine though, it’s tough
It still hurts knowing I’m not good enough
And as hard as I try you’re not proud
To be the reason of your smile I’m not allowed

I want you to feel proud inside
Hug me and love me with pride
But it seems there is no guarantee
For my dream to be

Though my smile is as illuminating as the morning sun,
it grows dim in the night hours.

Even though my lips are full,
they fall flat a lot.

My body is curvy and a nice sight to see,
but there are some days I hate it

Though I wish my skin were lighter,
I love my two tonedness

I know that the realest people don't have lots of friends,
but I wish I had at least one more

See, I'm that girl who knows there's more like her
The girls who acknowledge their imperfections
But still love their flaws
They keep their heads up and make the world their own
The ones who are determined to be the greatest
The ones who never fully fit in
Their smiles go dark but they don't let it stay dim forever
The strong women who look the world in the face
And say, "You ain't ready for me baby"
The big and kindhearted girls who will love you but will know when it's not worth it anymore
The ones who dare to believe that they can do anything they put their minds to
The missfits who were cast aside
But walked back in center with her hands on her hips and kept going forward

Life is something else on its own
But I do my best to make it a better day for myself
I can't stop smiling
I can't stop laughing
I can't stop putting in 100 percent every day
I gotta keep moving
If I ever stop, I'm halting my own progress
And I'd rather not make that my own reality
#OWL'******br>

Looking and longing for that something,
Don’t quite know what it is,
Beating myself up trying to reach the answer,
Once I reach one,
All the possible answers hit at once,
Sense of being overwhelmed begins to settle,
Feeling not only lost but also unmotivated
Trying to fix all these pieces to the puzzle,
That I lose a sense of the picture,
The finished product no longer has that value,
Rather it has been altered,
It is no longer unique.
What is the cost?
Time or value?
Both.

Today marks one month of sobriety.
I’m happy with myself I’m staying clean.
I’m experiencing first hand why getting clean seems like an insurmountable task,
why it’s inherently formidable.
It’s not because of the task of getting clean itself, its because of everything that’s in my face while I’m clean-
the trauma, the distressing emotions & thoughts, the self defeating conditioning. It’s all clear as day, it’s inescapable now.