My mother questions, “Why aren’t we equal?”
As she paints my walls with white
She wonders why my colorful friends don’t get as lucky as me
But she also wonders about the financial aid the government says we don’t need
I bang on her white walls and insist we’re well off
But she still asks why
And I can’t say “you! It’s because of people like you that my friends need a dollar or two”
Because of the way she plays hypocrite
Condemning welfare and the impoverished while asking why she doesn’t get any
Confirming the stereotype that most people aren’t innately racist
It’s just their own thoughtlessness that causes the disconnect
And it’s not just my mother, it’s all my people, me too
My friend once asked, “Why is Kierra so into social justice?”
Maybe because the history of our ancestors was carried on the backs of her people
Maybe because even today my people say we’re so good, so equal, so righteous
When we still look at a black man and assume the white is better
We don’t mean it but my assumptive mind insists that Kierra always needs a hand
When what is really needed is a strict hand to the side of my head
Jostle that rude assumption out of my head
She is her own person, not a broken house left on stilts
And assuming she is broken is worse than anything I can think of
So it’s a double edged sword because races need to work together to fix this atrocity
But we must also give each their freedom to grow and equalize equally
I will never understand the plight of one a different race
But I understand plight, from my gender and my mental state
My mother always told me treat everyone fairly
She always said to treat everyone right
But here she keeps on going
Painting my walls with white

It has been a long time
since our eyes have met once again.
Yet, I have gotten stronger
I have gotten wiser
from the being I once was.

From the being that fell in love with you.

I know that now.
And I won't let it happen again.
Never.
Ever.
But I find my efforts at self control futile
as every morning I still search
for you.
I stop and think:
"No. It's over. I'm done."
And I carry on with life

Like nothing ever happened.

But now so suddenly
you, who didn't care about me,
you, who didn't even turn to look my way
you, suddenly did.
And I don't know what to feel inside.
Happiness, joy, excitement, hope
anger.

But know this.
If you're looking for another shot.
You've got it all wrong.
You're already too late.