Imprisoned by my Addiction'

The harmless things that causes an addiction that consumes, like cancer,

See my confession, about how my addictions are destroying my health, my life, my relationships and everything in between, the beginning absent of odor,
Spinning around my mortal being are vibrant healthy hues; yellow, blues and greens,

Thrusting me, flying sky high, only to nose dive instantly,
Wishing it to remain, My passion, my comfort one in the same; words that must be written.
We're programmed to all 3, reading, writing and pursuing passions ...important qualities to own,

Somehow captivating me,
I hardly eat, much less drink,
I'm overwhelmed to express thoughts into words,

Another relationship dies as the neglected ink dries.
A pale unnoticed ghost while present or maybe not,
Maybe my lover, the warden.

I come up for breath only long enough not to drown, reality hits, the ghost disappears,
I don't search, seek or try to persuade them to return,
I say every time, just let me get these words scribbled to vent, then after, I'll go and gather them up,

Compares to Christmas morn, green, red, gold, silver and blue,
the house, the tree, the gifts,
The house is adorned with eccentric polished crowns of refined jewels, interest fills you while rushing to open the shiny gifts, Uncontrollable enchanting words, enslaving, shoving the gifts against the glittered wall,

Chained in the same prison 24 hours later, exhausted, nearly comatose, I wrestle the sleep, becoming feeble, compelled to sleep, only to suddenly awaken, lunatic mode, panic stricken crazed rush, forced sleep, words got neglected, when there could have been much more!

Welcome to my addiction, the dark hole where words incarcerate tempting thoughts,
What, change the situation, you said to me? I'm handcuffed to pens that bleed, beleaguered by enticing verbiage.
~Venjencie Arnold -SacredInkedBlood
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My life now. Writing, reading and research. I cant get enough. © 11 days ago, Venjencie Arnold   addiction • colors • prison • word • beleaguered

Bought two birds.
Put them in a cage called LOVE.
One flew away....


The other one died...

Why do I find myself alone and trapped
By the four walls around my mind?
I search for some way to scale them
A rope or ladder I never find.

I did not choose to be in this desperate place
Here where my darkest thoughts are kept
The deepest corners are a lair to pain
Dusty crevices long since swept.

Amongst undisturbed sticky cobwebs
Lies a part of me coated in dust
The tortured memories of nightmares past
Don't want to uncover, know deep down I must.

This house built to harbor hatred and hurt
Changed from a home to a prison cell
Halls that used to be a welcome escape
Have instead transformed into an exitless hell.

Hurt , alone , and taken away
I had no say
I only had them , the gray walls
The prison in my mind , I try to take my time so I could stall
Maybe if I close my eyes and blink , I'll be home again.
Suddenly I'm surrounded by a group of people in a circle and a shrink is asking me , "When?"
When did my life take a turn for the worst?
I stare into silence because I'm afraid if I talk my tears will burst.
I can't control anything at all
I've been here the remaining of the summer and most of the fall.
The drama did not dissipate
It only allowed in more hate.
No one is to be trusted that lesson was will learned.
I wish I had the smiles of the one's I loved and the smell of fresh cut grass oh how I yearned
Hope is what drove me like a well oiled machine.
I would do what they told me to , whether it was to stay in step or to clean.
I couldn't ever have imagined the feeling of freedom I once had and how different it is to be gone.
I'll never take for granted the ability to talk to my family , to wear what I choose , or the beautiful colors the sun creates at dawn.
In the end I did what I had to
I just wish you only knew.

I built a wall, a fortress, a prison
I've been caught in the duldrums i need a tidal wave and wisdom
I need the noise to drown out the world crashing down around me
Lost in the ruins that found me
I dont like to feel  like a soulless machine
That wont dare approach another human being
I need to break out of prison and over the wall
What do we offer? Anything at all?
Institutionalized in this prison of my mind
I hardly function outside of it. Lost in thought, doing time

I do not like being unfeeling
Hate that I'm always alone
But love does not dare find me
While I am stuck in my comfort zone

Happiness awaits my grasp
Just beyond hand's reach
I cannot get there by walking
Or by any form of speech

I need a road of hopes to come
Not a wish upon a distant star
Emotion will be my gasoline
My heart is my car

Still I stop to wonder
About promises bound to break
Pain and hurt so why should I
Make this gigantic mistake?

Once again I am safe
Unhappy, out of harm's way
Discontent but unbroken
In this place I will surely stay

Four cozy walls surround me
My prison and also my home
Scared, silent, and sound I still wait
Inside my little comfort zone

There was no peace
There was no decency
No soul or heart
it was neither home nor house
it was cold and dim
the metal trapping me in
isolated but never truly alone
it was all I had
no where to go

Inside the cages
The freedom
is the heaven

In the chains
any change
is welcome

The outside prison
is calling out to you
the invisible chains
binding everyone on earth
who go up, are falling down
it is just like what is in this home

Still the ravens are up
true to their wing
and we are in a place
to go nowhere

Yearning to feel
to breathe the fresh air
get an experience
to be unbound
get the heartbeats
to beat back to the music

The time when all
the shackles are broken
The time spins
and we have nowhere to go
but we run
towards the sun
But we can't fly.