How can I describe this child, for there's not another to compare.
His eyes from heavens blue to oceans emerald green, his hair a soft shiny brown, his lashes long with the perfect curl, ever girl is full of  envy, his lips are full and defined to perfection,  a smile that lights up the room, his body ripped like a body builder, He is almost the sight  of perfection in everything you see. But this image I have described for you is only what you see, the things inside my son are more breathtaking than his looks . His sense of humor keeps people rolling , his heart as big as the world, his intelligence  will surprise you when he devotes himself. His spirit of giving is one rare to see, His positive attitude is what keeps me going day to day. His demeanor, is hard to describe, he always remains himself in any situation. He always know what to say. He sends me messages I so need to hear, especially one I received today. He has received pictures of his beautiful daughter as she is a spitting image of him. His message read, , " you  know,  Riley Jo looks alot like you too, without you we wouldn't be as blessed as we are today. Without you we wouldn't be here , I love you and  thank you for everything #back to normal soon"  I miss my son more than words can say. I can only hope he knows it's all the little things he does and says that makes me want to wake for another day.

How does ones brain hold so many beings when it's capacity is made for one.  
The confusion must be exhausting or do you know each and every one?
Do they all have a name, are they connected to your heart?
I'm desperate to understand , for I know of at the very least 6, all with personality much different than your own.
Do they stay with you every day or sometimes go away,? Are they sleeping in your head or pounding in your brain.
This is far from an opinion developed in my mind, not only are they different in their presence but each ones appearance is defined. This is in your body and your head, can you ask them to leave or have you begged them to stay , I'm afraid if you don't rid yourself of these people in your head I'll be forced to go away.
Trying to make light of it I make a joke or two and tell you at least I'll never cheat on you, I never know who I'm waking up to, is it one of them or is it you. ?
There are several that are mean and evil, maybe one is caring but outweighed by the one that can't be older than 5 and one that may be 7. Can you ask them to vacate your body and find someone new before this complicated insanity comes further between me and you

I change so often,
I hardly know what I truly am.  
One minute I’m a grand mansion on a hill,
Overlooking everyone and everything with
An air of pompous superiority, taking
Everything for granted and appreciating nothing.
The next minute I’m a humble cottage in the woods,
Allowing animals and wanderers to frolic in my midst,
Even welcoming them into my home.
I can also take a form of a modern lakehouse,
Feeling rushed and unused and fake,
Trying to stay with the times,
But never being fully enjoyed.  
From time to time, I’m a
Makeshift shelter that the homeless traveler
Builds in a hurry, that feels unwanted,
Unloved, and temporary, liable to fall at any second.  
Even though I change forms frequently,
No one questions it.  
No one bothers to try and get to know
The true me.  Maybe the real me is a
Cozy family home, comforting and familiar,
Or maybe it’s the slightly cramped apartment space,
Frantically trying to piece itself together.  
No one will ever know.  
Yet all they would have to do is
Just knock.

a puzzle without the pieces,
the outline is there but the pieces,
the pieces are what you must pick up as you make mistakes,
memories and leave marks on this world.

it is found in the fragments of the sky that you tore apart
and in the constellations that you chased all night
it makes you wonder who you are scream and as you shout
it’s in the words you speak, the tears you cry and the smiles you smile.

one word. eight letters. an eight letter word that means everything
yet it is as ambiguous as whether the rain is the tears of god
or whether it’s the blessing of the clouds
one word. eight letters.

a word that has as many meanings to define it
as the amount of people there are with dreams and aspirations
one word which we are all trying to find the definition of within ourselves
a word that we hope to define; a word that we hope will help us become someone.

so you search the mountain tops and you look in the branches of trees,
you look in the deepest depths of the oceans,
you search the galaxies. and you try to find something, anything.
you try to find your identity, your truth, yourself.

but you don’t have to go that far to find your identity because it’s already there
it lays beneath you, beneath your skin.
it lays beneath your jail-like ribs that hold it down,
and they will only let it go once you realise it’s always been there.

your identity; you will find in pieces and fragments of everything
you will ****** ideas and habits and feelings from everything and everyone
only to turn those into parts into your soul
maybe you will not realise until later but you will find them everywhere.

in nights filled with bowing to the trees that sway to the gentle breeze of the wind
while melodies play and enter your mind swiftly and freely
or maybe in the mornings filled with sunrays that enter your room from your window
and dance lazily on top of your pillows and desk.

you will find yourself and no one can take your identity away from you
not even the abhorrent words of the loathsome stares thrown your way
not even the seas can drown your identity in their ghastly waves
so don’t you try to let anyone take it away from you.

because bliss and happiness comes to you once you find it
so when you find it, grasp it tight in the palms of your hands
bury it deep beneath your heart and never, ever let go
because finally you have found what you’ve been looking for; your identity.

Thirteen years ago, something changed.
It altered my personality and made everything a stressful decision.
I let fear take control and I became a shell of my former self.
I must admit; It nearly broke me.
The important word there is, nearly.
It didn't break me and I won't let it.
I control my life.
I will not be controlled by fear and negativity.
I have one shot at life, I will not take it for granted and I will push myself.
Whether it's by writing or raising mental health awareness, I will try and show that mental health isn't a life sentence.
There is help out there.
It does get easier.

I feel like I've lost a piece of me.
I don't know when.
I don't know where, or how.

Maybe, I dropped it in broad daylight.
Maybe, someone stole it in the night.

Please,

Come back,
little piece,

You leave me an empty
fragile chrysalis flaking
away little bit by little bit a

Jigsaw falling out of place.