Let the children's laughter, resound in my memory.
Soften my heart, remind me of it's genuinity.
Whenever patience leaves me.

I should have realized earlier
what I pondered this day
because there is nothing better
than admitting what you want to say.

My love for him is not eternal
cause maybe even feeling dismal
though I'm not taking back what I said.

And as selfish as this may sound,
I want to keep his company
on any type of steep and ground
and be with him eternally.

It is too much to ask
for I know that fully well
and to be true and stark,
his life with me would be hell.

Although I see his patience
in the three year pursuit,
my trust in him bends
for only a little of it was true.

It is futile to deny
that I forgive not forget.

One reason is limited to one cry,
and my mind is usually always set.

You see forever when you look into my eyes,
I look to my Father reigning in the skies.
You want this to last, you want me to be yours,
I pray God leads me to the man through whom His love pours.

Is this your design? Is this what You planned?
Is this the solid ground you want me to stand?
Is this the man you picked to give my whole heart?
Is this love what you've intended from the very start?

Cuz when I look in his eyes and return his gaze,
I don't see the holy fire that sets the world ablaze.
I can't feel his heart beating for Jesus's love,
I don't see his mind setting on the things above.

Am I to be patient and wait for your Spirit's work?
Hoping he'll one day reject all the demons that lurk.
Am I to be loyal and forever stand by his side?
Hoping he'll be the Christian man that makes me his bride.

God, calm my heart for I don't like to wait,
I thirst for your truth if this is my fate.
Lord, strengthen my soul if I am to be a light,
I beg for your grace to shine so bright.

Father, you know my heart and what it needs,
You feel all my hurts, aches, and pleads.
God I pray for wisdom to open my eyes,
Give guidance to my heart when it comes to guys.

Here are the things I want that sometime I'll say,
This is how I want to live life every day.
Here is what I want in my relationship's story,
This is how I want to give God his glory.

I want to seek God's love to give to you,
I want to read God's word to know what's true.
I want to walk by faith while walking by your side,
I want to live for God and swallow my pride.

I want to speak His words and have conversation,
I want to be loyal until His revelation.
I want to be open and honest and share similar views,
I want to live in moderation with food and *****.

I want to live for Jesus because he died for me,
I want to shine my light for all to see.
I want to be strong and stand out in the crowds,
I want to be confident my home is in the clouds.

I want to be bold and live without fear,
I want to feel God when you are near.
I want to see God's presence through each other.
I want to set and example, be a good mother.

I want us to want the same things and share the same vision.
I want us to rely on God for every provision.
I want us to live by the Word and share the good news.
Above all, I want this to be the life that YOU yourself choose.

Until then I'll be waiting on the edge of staying and leaving,
Waiting for the day that you truly start believing.
For all the things I want I have doubts they'll come true,
Maybe one day I'll know that what I want is you.

The sea is never calm
If it ever gets calm, there'd be no wave to give us the breeze we need


Love is never calm
If it ever gets calm, there'd be no need for us to keep trying


Our love is like the sea.
We need the angry waves to keep us moving

If only I had learnt the patience.
Maybe then we could have worked out.
Maybe, just maybe then I could have realized that everything isn't meant to be perfect at once,
That perfect comes in pieces and will never be something complete.
That searching for happiness is the only way to never get it and
That two people will never be entirely right, or wrong.
That accepting this is the key,
the key to just being.

I, queen of frost
Shall freeze your thwarted heart
As the blood in your veins comes to a low
I, queen of blood
shall have you bleed through night and day
As the warmth within you soon stops and stays

Together
We give birth
To one of frost and blood
One who shall live forever
for she the immortal queen
One who controls the mortals
One who tames natures beasts

Her existence recorded as one of life and death
For she is the queen that shall freeze and leach
For she the queen born of haem and glacé
For she the queen of frost and blood

It is the waiting which
makes people so vaguely uncomfortable.
So much so that
I think we all start to pretend
(as hard as we can)
that we are the only ones.

Or perhaps not the waiting.
But the lack of control it conveys
ushered in like a grey balloon  swathed in ugly red wool
and there is nothing I can do except to stare at the ceiling paint
peeling faintly slowly carelessly
to wherever old ceiling paint goes

Because after this layer there is another:
white like bones.
Next is red like candy,
then green like plastic trees,
until after ten inches of blue
you reach stone-cold metal, so ancient and unused to the air
that it might crumble if you sneezed too enthusiastically.

i feel you, i do,
from the inside out, deeply,
     with rhythm in every thought,
     patience in every breath,
     wisdom in every word,

and for a little while,
i imagine our hearts,
     though distant,
     beating together, closely
     like a clock (tick tock)

I sit in silence
Reading the words printed in this book
Reading the words printed on the pages that are suppose to direct my life
I speak politely to you when time is sufficient
I sit in silence
Waiting for an answer
for a sign that you heard what I was saying
For a sign to show me that what I'm reading in this dusty old book
is real
No reply
As my insides begin to boil with frustration
No longer reading your words
letting out the anger I hold inside of me
I yell and scream at you
All around me
Since you are so omnipotent
Maybe you can hear me now
Maybe you didn't hear me because I was being so polite
When the anger of my voice reaches you
Won't you just show me the wrath that you have ever so described
on these dusty pages
Throw the book across the room
With anger searing through my veins
You said you loved me
You said you loved everyone
So where are you?
you said you would guide all who loved you
So why haven't I heard from you
it's worse than never getting a reply to a text message
Yet your omnipotent
Your inside my head
Supposedly
So why don't you make your presence known
I've studied the words you left in this book
I've sung the songs that you have inspired
Yet I sit in silence
Expectantly
Waiting for the answer.

I will wait for you.
For you, I will wait.
Wait, I will for you.
You, I will wait for.
I will wait for you.