She is lying in bed–
        tucked under her duvet,
        wrapped in freshly
        washed sheets, breathing
        into the phone that I know
        is on her pillow–
97 miles from me.

It is her asthma, acting
up right on time, that
is keeping me awake
so I am lying, under
my own duvet, holding
onto my own phone,
thinking
        about the airways
        carrying every breath
        into and out of her lungs–
        inflamed, muscles tightening,
        narrowing paths
thinking
        that maybe breathing
        in the same cells, oxygen
        mixing with carbon, me
        mixing with you, you might
        be able to breathe
        a little easier
thinking
        that I know
        I breathe easier
        with you

I submerge my head underwater,
below the surface, bubbles rising.
Little traps of air flee from my mouth
as I swim against the currents, down.
With force and effort, my arms cut
through thick salty water, mixed with mud.
I look up to see the Sun's rays
shining through the layers of blue.
Making the wobbly waves glow brightly,
underneath you.

The air is ripped away from my lungs
and water replaces oxygen.
Filling up the empty spaces and gaps
in my chest.
It hurts to move but I struggle still
writhing helplessly, suspended in the ocean.
"Help."
Angry and scared bubbles appear, but you
just watch them as they fly.
Way up above my floating hair,
and pleading tongue I wield.
Watch me in despair with glaring eyes,
through fogged up and cloudy goggles.
I yelp in fear
you disappear
and Leave me
gasping for breath.

Tears escape like wild animals, that I try to keep contained
within the watery prisons built in my eyes,
with rubber ducks and flames.
My agony mixes with the deep, dark sea
and the Sun hides behind the horizon.
Goodnight, my dear,
just close your eyes
and Everything
Is Fine.

sometimes you speak,
                  and i lose the ability to breathe.

can't sleep and missing you,
                           tell me what else is new.

with death,
       love, life has depth.

i C you in my O - filled lungs,
                    alas, all i can do is breathe you out.

you are the smoke i long to lose,
                              but always hold close.

a game i'll never win,
                    painted in sins.

i'll stop smoking when you appear again,
                  promises made on what will never happen.

i see you in her eyes.
lies.
       lies.
              lies.

If I had to compare you to anything at all,
Really, Oxygen would be my first call.
They say it makes us sure and carefree,
Yet it heats the body and calms it too.
So if I had to pick a thing for you to be,
I imagine you are my own O two.

Here’s how my mind fathoms you in its roll,
Here’s how I think you take your toll.
I need you and You need me,
I use you to hear, understand, see.
When you are near I concur to happiness,
When too close I edge towards madness,
More often than not it comes to the latter,
But in short, to me, you matter.

So you see,  I need you in any possible way,
Like O two, you captivate me every second of the day,
When you are gone I shake with yearning,
When you are near my heart is burning.
Therefore, should you ever have a doubt,
Know that without you,
                               I would not hold out.

She was oxygen,
But toxic,
Purified but nostalgic,
Transparent but also  hard to read.

She was ice water,
Infused with a dime and a quarter,
Costing you to live,
But somehow always keeping you alive.

She was a sunset in black,
A night sky in red,
She spread her thoughts all over your bed,
When she breathed you felt diseased,
And always had the need; to tell her she is beautiful.

You stare when she's not looking,
And stare when she is,
No matter what, you know exactly who she is.
You know everything about her,
Hair and eye colour,
And every single suicidal thought that she had ever had.

You were intertwined with her;
Back street lovers,
Making A ship out of a wreck of two denying hearts and minds.

I'm in love with you.
That's what she told him every night.
But she was so ******* blind.
Blinded by love, and blinded by a boy.

You can live up to three weeks without food, and a week without water, but without oxygen you can't make it past 5 minuets.
So, to show her devotion, to prove how true her love was, she made him her oxygen.
Every pulse of her heart she tied to him.
She didn't breath unless he said it was ok.
She only lived and fully experienced moments when she was with him.

Now, one might think, if he was her oxygen, what was she to him?
He liked to pretend she was his oxygen too.
But only when he wasn't busy, or he was bored.  
He filled her head with hope for the future, and a life just for the two of them.  He craved any and all attention, so he played along.
But at some point, he got tired of her.
Tired of her dependance.  Tired of a little puppy dog trailing along.
So he called her up.
He tried to be decent, he tried to be nice, but with a short call he ended it.
He ended her.

Imagine all the air being ****** out of room.
Imagine being held underwater, your lungs are screaming for air, but you won't get any.  
You slowly start to lose consciousness.
It gets black and fuzzy.
And you drift into a deep, lonely sleep.
That's how she felt.

Without her oxygen,  she was dying.
While he was sitting at home watching tv.

Oxygen therapy is what helps my insanity
In 1. 2. 3.
Out 4. 5. 6.
We need it to survive so it's my guide to living
Loving and giving
Plant a tree so someone elso can have a little oxygen therapy
What if we lived forever like my little oxygen friend
We breathe out in
Then do it again
Oxygen doesn't die
It gets renewed
Imagine living life
giving life
and doing it again

sweet oxygen fills me lungs
as i inhale a new start, a fresh
perspective of all that ive known
as i exhale your spite and
how i've always been second
best in your eyes.

darling i am much more than second best, and i cannot wait to love myself again.