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eli May 2018
you'd run if you could
and smile like you should.
i wag my tail and roar
in hopes to make you soar,
but your legs don't work
and those arms are no better.

you can't walk but ****, you have love
but love is never enough.
a heart as large as the seas,
body crippled with a tragic disease.
i'll scream till you leave
anything to make you believe.

she smiles and looks away,
looking to give you a brighter day.
hope is all she has left
but fear has crept and made its home
in a heart that should be left alone.
i see the spark in her eyes
and toot away in my trail of lies.

every day i think about my funeral
and think i'll be missed.
who knows if it's true
for i am only a dog
slender, soft and sweet,
with a heart as big as a peach.
this isn't enough.
i'm never enough.

i just wanted to see you smile
but you left me feeling angry and vile.
i hope you never pet me again
and find me in my cage
battered and dead.
a poem about a dog, a man, a lady and a bus.
eli May 2017
Saw an elderly read the obituary
Mortality hit me and felt like eternity
Private fear in a public sphere
Wondering how life is even real

Learned a lot this year in times I didn't want to be here
Learned a lot this year in times I wanted you near
Clocks pass and seconds tick
But nostalgia always hits

Old friends remind me about the good times
New friends make me cherish the time
Past friends will always be friends
Future friends will will.

Friends are family, don't forget
So don't spend time in regret
And don't regret these memories
So you can find time to take the other road
and finally accept.
eli Apr 2017
looked at your face
blew smoke in your eyes
it felt right.

i guess i'm fine
       writing between the lines

maybe this is what i need
i'll plant the seed
it will grow, they always do
no one will have a clue

can't say i miss you
can't say i miss you
who knew, who knew
you wouldn't miss me too

it's alright, for tonight
it's alright, for tonight
i'll just write
                      with the help of your bright

i lost my sight, i lost my sight

                   nothing's real, so what to feel

to feel? no deal.
eli Oct 2016
she is a volition,
the love of my life.
took her for one night,
and lost all my sight.

jumping all around
the light of the room
the bright over the gloom
pleads goodbye to misery.

i am here to stay
the one who's true
every day, always new
i will show you the way.

bleed on stage,
and on the page.
lead to tear, and lead to stain.
this is pain.

gone from my system
no one to listen
the end is near,
loud and clear.

know i've said this
but she really was on the tip of my tongue.
small and pure, small and pure,
never again, shall i fall for your lure.
eli Aug 2016
what upsets me the most
is that if i died
she would not miss me as much
as i do with her.

she would have a boyfriend to run to,
a family to hold,
friends to support,
an education to enjoy,
life to behold.

all the things,
that now mourn her.

i started this book,
asking for pain,
not knowing what was in store.

i have felt hell ten times over
doing what i can, to numb the pain.
i have failed you.
i have cried in a crowded room,
and now cannot
shed a single tear within my own body.

see winter in your eyes
such beauty and purity in a holy body

but i was the fire you could never hold
left to crash and burn
in the rooms we occupied,
the space we filled.

so is this the end?
maybe, yes, no.

i will never know.
no yes, i know.

she is what dictates this pen.
she is who decides if this is the beginning or end.

she still exists,
i see her on this page.
i feel her in my eyes.
i see her glow at night.

she is my life

she is my love

she IS life
eli Aug 2016
there is no Restart with Her.
there is no button to push,
no story to rewrite,
only tears to cry,
and hugs to hold.

two hearts become one forever more
one stops and so does the other.
every time i speak, you will hear her voice.
every breath i take, i now take for her.
and at night, she is the Mother Nature
to my rainfall of tears.

i wish i could have saved you.
i wish i took the impact.
i wish i took the blame.
i wish you were a wish i never wished.
just a thought,
a speck,
another particle in life.

i'd never been to a funeral.
why was yours my first?

still find myself trying to rewrite things that already happened

you were the apple i always sought but could never hold
forbidden, forbidden fruit,
i will forever feign and fight
to see the brighter side.
eli Aug 2016
sometimes you speak,
                  and i lose the ability to breathe.

can't sleep and missing you,
                           tell me what else is new.

with death,
       love, life has depth.

i C you in my O - filled lungs,
                    alas, all i can do is breathe you out.

you are the smoke i long to lose,
                              but always hold close.

a game i'll never win,
                    painted in sins.

i'll stop smoking when you appear again,
                  promises made on what will never happen.

i see you in her eyes.
a poem about the past two months of my life.
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