I was sitting beside my best friend,
catching up with friends I hadn't seen since they graduated
when you sat down,
uninvited.
It didn't take a genius to tell
my throat was already closing
at the sight of you.
It had been over a year and a half since
I had last seen your face,
yet here I sat,
less than three feet from my ******.
I received two texts immediately.
one:
"I'm sorry."
From my best friend, who knew everything.
two:
"Are you okay?"
From my other best friend, who knew nothing,
but felt like something was wrong.
Wrong.
Suddenly, everything about that night felt wrong.
I choked on every sentence as it forced its way out of my suddenly tightening throat,
pretending that you were not there.
You see, I've spent so much time
pretending you were not there
that I had begun to wonder if maybe,
you were just a nightmare.
Yet here I sat staring my old friends in the eyes,
more focused than anticipated.
They could tell.
You see, it's a small town,
I didn't need to tell everyone what you did for them to find out.
I thought I was doing well until you spoke to me.
The first words you had directly spoken to me in almost
two and a half years.
"I knew I'd see you here."
I blocked out the rest.
I'd like to block you out, too,
but it seems recurring dreams,
nightmares,
are supposed to teach you something.
I'd like this to make sense,
but the only things I ever learned from you
was to never let my guard down again.
To not love that deeply,
deeply enough that I feel forced to do anything
to prove my love.
I learned I should never have to prove my love.
I should never have loved you.

When you sat across from me and spoke my way,
I couldn't help but think I'd never thought I was going to see you again.
I couldn't help but remember every sleepless night,
such as right now,
where I can't help lie awake in fear you somehow know
just what I am doing,
when I have had you blocked on facebook for three years.
But it's a small town.
Word travels, secrets are never truly safe.
Hushed confessions hop eardrum to eardrum
until they're nothing more than a subtle gasp.

When I finally pulled away from the restaurant,
I drove in so many circles that I got lost--
there are only five roads downtown.
When you finally pull away,
maybe I'll sleep for once--
there is only one of you,
and I wish there were
none.

"Float like a butterfly and sting like a bee"


"He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life"

"The man who is 50 who views the world like he is 20
Has just wasted 30 years of his life"

Muhammad Ali famous quotes dedication for his death and passing.

"He was a hero, he was my hero....and your hero ....he was our hero." Cherie Nolan

Close eyes, deep breath
Sweaty palms, expanded chest
Racing thoughts, desperate to move on  
Rugged past that is contiuously touched upon  
You see im stuck
I feel so trapped
I can see the beauty in the distance
Need to chase it before I miss it  
Happiness is one more step foward
However, we all continue to take two more steps backwards  
Lets run with this feeling to explore
Run for the idea that there's something more
Forget your baggage
Drop that suitcase of bad memories
Explore the beauty  
Escape the quicksand
The more you struggle the more you sink
Its sad that its even difficult for us to think
Think clearly so cloudy
Ourrrr visionss aaarrrreee soo clllooudyy
yuor lllossinnggnn cotnrolll  
DONT LET IT TAKE YOU
You can make it be strong  
You need to run before your forever gone  
Run with this and fight
The more you think its wrong the more you'll understand its right  
Chase the stars you analyze at night
They are beautiful and so are you
Your beauty is defined by what you do
Helping yourself is where it all begins  
Remember the phrase "I love me"
As this message of hope goes on forever...

Slowly dripping.
Slowly ticking.
Quickly fading.
Quickly changing.
Continuously falling.
Continuously falling.
The sweat that perspires from my forehead.
The clock that lies right above my death bed.
My vison that was once crystal clear.
My twisted demonic thoughts through out my years. Me as I slipped.
Me as I tripped.
Im contiously falling.....
Bright lights from above.
Im momentarily blinded.
An angel.. the angel love.
A messanger for me to be reminded.
All is never lost.
There is always a way.
No excuses no denial.
There is always oppurtunties to stop from drifting away.
Memories can not harm you.
They are just reminders that you have overcome.
All the pain you have suffered.
Once you can move on.....
You have won.

She stood on the bridge
In silence and fear
For the demons of darkness
Had driven her here

They cut her heart
Right out of her chest
Making her believe
That the demons knew best

They were always there
Sometimes just out of sight
Waiting in the background
Till the time was right

These demons were destructive
Knocking down the life she knew
Hating everything about her
She hated herself too

These demons can't be seen
But they're far from fairy tales
They live inside your mind
Their evilness prevails

So on the bridge she stood
About to end the fight
Then she stopped and thought
I'll fight them one more night

I’ve walked on fire and thorns
Forgotten what the ground feels like
Every step I took were upon my wounded soles
How does a caged bird know to fly?

I rattled my gates every day
They were strong, metallic and I wasn’t strong
Every lift off was in vain,
How foolish was I to think, to the sky I belonged?

I, like a mother for her child, wanted more
To see within my veins, my being flourish at the mere tune
Every note was becoming a part of a song
How quick was I to dream of this music as a boon?

I feel that rumble inside me
My hunger, anger and desire upon my own pyre
Every day I wish for that first day again
How can I ingrain my liberty from this quagmire?

Every time we meet
I feel like I need disinfectant.
Every time we talk,
I feel like I need to talk to the father and ask for redemption.
Every time I see you,
I want to close them shut and never wake up.
You ****** me over too many times before.
You seem to think that you can move me like a *****.
Well,
I'm not your little **** boi
You think you have such power,
***** you're nothing to me
I wish I could find
this thing you made me lose inside.
I wish I could forget
there ever was an us
Because I like it much better
just being alone.
Away from you.
You are infected,
evil,
and a nervous wreck.
Someone needs to get you a life,
lord knows you can't do it on your own.
just talking about you makes me crave lysol.
Look,
I'm sorry to be bashing on you,
but this is necessary
in order to forget
everything you ever were
You call me a ******,
but honey,
I've been called WAY worse.
I've been called your boyfriend.
And that beats any sting you can inflict.
You are the lowest of the low,
Im glad I was able to get away
cuz *****,
I wouldn't wish you upon my greatest enemy.
I seriously need to see a shrink
after you.
You caused me so many problems.
I kept going back.
how could I be so dumb?
Answer
because you made me believe you loved me,
only to drop me like a sack of bricks
I have finally gotten over you.
But the disgust still lingers
I would shake your hand and say goodbye,
*but then I'd need to buy more disinfectant

you tell me you are just like everyone else.
and yeah, maybe you are
You tell me that you aren't the only one to yell.
also true
But what you fail to realize:
1. Most people do not torture their children
you have
2. Most people do not demote existence
you have
3. Most people think that injustice is real
you dont
4. Most people care about their family, and their emotions
you never have
5. Most people care about equality
you do not
6. Most people appreciate what they have
you think people owe you everything
7. Most people know what abuse is
you think everything is justified
8. Most people support their family
you have only brought us down
Look,
I know you can't be perfect.
But you have gone so far down.
You have shown me
how to be better than you.
You swear that when I have children,
I will be "just like you"
However,
my patience is more,
my love is more,
my passion is more.
You have taught me how to be nothing like you.
your own daughter,
says I am better than you.
Well,
maybe so
What you fail to realize:
**I am nothing like you

A conquer of my dreams, reality, perspective in hand and in whole
Was just yesterday when she stood tall
Against an evergreen mountain
The wind's whisps
leaving lashes on her face
At an elevation like this one could smell renewal a rejuvenating aroma
As her breath travel to her navel in one
Quick motion
A blissful feeling of longing she always
Put herself on the pedestal
Knowing the self rejoicing rigidness
Her self-worth shone to be
An everlasting fire planted a seed
In the midst of her heart
An unshakable clarity and belonging
Swarmed her body in one action
As her mind drifted into a seemingly everlasting relaxation
In one exhalation drawing hands to the chest one palm ontop the other
She finally understood
A gift larger than life so valuable
That can only be acquired through
Real acceptance, the unconditional expression of self-love

i say it's too fast
too much, too soon, just stop
have some self-respect