I finally figured out
Mankind's obsession with stars.
They are ten thousand lifetimes away.

We can see them from such a great distance,
Even though they are shrouded by the all-consuming night.

They signify love,
They twinkle only for our eyes.

They are so lonely,
In a void that consumes everything.
But they all come together
Just to give us a sky worth remembering.

They are the only things that we can't touch.
They are
The only things that don't hurt us back.
And that is why
They are the only things we can trust
With our deepest secrets.

Loneliness is watching you smoke in the dimness of your porch-light and knowing that I can never join you

Some say I'm obsessed with the night
and I, I say they are right.
I used to be afraid of the dark
the full moon
I used to be a huge horror fan
and well, I still am.
But I grew out of those childish fears
and now I see the wonder
as I gaze upon the stars
and adolescent angst
makes the night feel akin
to the dark thoughts
but as we mature
we realize that the night
is just the prelude to
a beautiful dawn
a new day
a new start
and the glory
of a beautiful sunrise
seen through introspective eyes
and even as I type
an essence of my thought
is lost
or simply kept
as I heard it put in another poem
and it resonated with me
like thunder on a dark
and stormy night
I used to feel afraid of the thunder
even though mom
would say lightning is something more
rational to be afraid of
but she couldn't hear the monsters
in the thunder that were out to get me
now thunder is calming
as I realize that there
are more worrisome noises
in day-to-day life
Going back to the night
as I sit outside
and tears stream down my face
as my eyes look into outer space
and I realize I'm just a speck
in this greater place
just floating on a rock
moving to and fro
like the waves that
crash shore to shore.
But we are all universes
with our thoughts
and even as I type this an essence
is kept
and lost.
Some say I'm obsessed with the night
and I, I say they are right.

As soon as I heard the rumble of my husbands car
fade into the distance,
I put down my Bible, stepping out of bed.
I smoothed out the covers, like always.
because I'm not one to leaves things messy
because cleanliness is close to Godliness,
that’s what they say.

I fiddled with the faucet
testing the water on my hands.
The kids don’t like it too warm.
I left the door open
so I could hear the faucet running
all the way down the hall.

I opened the bedroom door
and squinted as I flicked a switch.
Let there be light!
Three sleepy faces peeked out at me
from underneath their blankets.
Such precious eyes looked up at me.
Poor things,
Daddy had just put them to bed.
They yawned and blinked their shiny eyes
and we all held hands as we walked down the hall.

They told me
Mommy, Mommy, it’s not bathtime.

I answered,
No, it’s not bathtime, it’s time to go.

They asked and asked,
but I just smiled down at them.
What curious little miracles!

The boys went first.
I placed one hand on each of their heads,
my fingers in cornsilk hair.
Their confused wailing
bounced off of the tile walls.
I silenced them with shushing sounds.

I told them don’t be afraid.
Don’t be afraid, Mommy’s got you.
Mommy won’t let go.
Mommy won’t ever let go.

I smiled at their tiny, twitching hands
and laughed along with their gurgling voices.

I wish they wouldn’t have splashed so much.
That’s just like the boys;
they were always making trouble.
How inconsiderate of them
to leave less water for their sister!

I laid the boys down to rest
and gave each one a kiss
on their clammy foreheads.
They were side by side on Earth,
now side by side in Heaven.
I lined them up next to each other
Like sweet little packages.
Little packages sent up to God.

I left my princess to float.
She just looked so pretty I couldn’t move her.
I could see her so clearly
once the splashing had stopped
and the water settled.
She was so beautiful
with her hair swaying
just beneath the surface.
My perfect angel.
I left her to float
like Moses on the River Jordan.

With my little cherubs put to rest,
I return now to my Bible,
but this time it’s not for reading.  
I place it in the oven
and lay my head on it
like a tiny sacred pillow.
So that I can rest too.

and I'm not afraid
because it's time to go.

I can't let you go
The wounds you left on me need your healing
You and I will really be something
Unite with me when we reach the end of the road
Gaze into my eyes as I will to yours
Hold my hand as I lead you to the path of euphoria

Are all lunatics obsessed with the moon?

I can't stop thinking about her.
She invaded my thoughts.
She is my thoughts.

Constant image of her.
Constant sounds of her laugh echo.
Her smile constantly blinds me from my daily endeavors.

She is everything.
She is unreal.
She is nothing.
She is not mine.
She is not my thoughts.
She is my mind.

I'm nothing without her.

I stopped bragging about my vices when
you reminded me that I existed before my addictions.

I stopped blaming love for knowing me falsely when I realized that I had never really met it before.

I realized that my obsessions ran shallow because I thought that it would be hard to quit them,
but it was harder to hold back
eternity;
the infinite moments that I felt
had existed
before I did.

As though the love I have for you was
pre-
determined
pre-
ordained
pre-
ternaturally formed.

As if the way I had organized my messy human emotions into neat little
boxes
   &
lines
had all been an errand to occupy my mind.

Before I loved you-
I loved escaping.

Any window
or stairway
or back-alley-path

that I could shimmy-down sideways
and avoid
things like

small talk
or
free verse
or
early mornings,

were the lanes I would dwell in,
hide in,
reside in.

But when I'm with you-
and when I'm without you-
(because now you permeate everything I do)
everything that I do is tinged with you;
Your colour
Your contrast
Your pigment
Your hue.

As if you are a light ray that I can now see,
my spectrum has gained the most beautiful wave.

And in this ultraviolet light,
the

small talk
and
free verse
and
early mornings

are sort of
breathtaking.

I say sort of, because while I gasp, you give me air.

And how can I choke when my heart's already gone?

When my skin is electric and my soul is
on fire

like some sort of creature that's been born from the flames.

And everything I thought that I needed
has now been
erased
and
replaced
and
preceded

by this uncontrollable urge
to eat you
alive
to have you
inside
to *** when
you die.

And this monster that you've made of me is hungry
and *****
and cannot concentrate on anything but
you

And I swear to God
or the grave
(and really, they're the same)
that if I love you any more
I will be ruptured in two
which would leave me a quarter of a person
because I'm only whole when I'm with you.

Like the four-legged beings that Zeus ripped apart-

I've searched for you always
I've searched for your heart.

Why sing for someone who despises your voice?
Why choose him who'll never respect your choice?
Why not give up after the many times you've tried him?'
Why not forget him,and be my Triduum?
Why waste the flooding love in your soul?
Why can't you see he was just a hard fall?
For all the caution from your peers through the years
Why won't you let a gentleman wipe your tears?
Why can't you accept that fighting for him is a lost cause?
Why do you choose to crash on his waves over a new course?
You say you can't free yourself from the heavy chains of Love
Why don't you believe It's something you can be free of?
Why can't you feel the concern in my heart beat?
Why not settle in my shade and let go the heat?