Staring to the east
Hanging out with geese
Trying to redeem emotion that turning to beast
Tasting something bitter but i'm telling mine it's just a cheese
Facing the truth that you never notice

Did you know, I fell in love with you...
how long will it be until you notice me?

I wonder what you're thinking about with that blank stare.
Do you mean it when you tell me that no one else compares?
I want to believe in you but I have my doubts.
Where is someone that can tell me what you're really about?
Blue and glossy eyes, scarlet face, and frightful disposition.
I know my friends would tell me to run if they knew my position.
Your actions, I cannot deny, are beyond my comprehension.
I am stuttering and shaking, I can't help this apprehension.
When will I get the courage to leave you and accept our fate?
Sooner or later, they will see through my eyes too, and notice how they dilate.
Ask me how I am, I'll tell you I'm fine and some other lies.
But please don't listen to my words, just look at me in the eyes.

It was like I was two people at the same time.
No one noticed me, no one ever listened.
But at the same time I was the one that couldn’t keep my mouth shut and I was liked by many.
I didn’t really know how to act. Should I scream or suffer in silence?

Follow sparrows
Each one a mark
Crackles of pennies
Change of dark
Form new silhouettes
Show them a brush
Per chance you’ll fall
Swiped by the rush

The roaches on my doorstep
They show nights of neglect
Follow me to darkness for I’ve not yet wept
Sweep me under doormats and follow path
The untimely death was apart of the wrath
Breaching the veil I’ve not yet pushed through
Legs start to quiver at those thoughts of you
Will I be met by the moon
Or shall she lay dormant
Whispering to stars of my utter torment
Clawing at life she has found her strife
Not until mourning will I be cut by son’s knife
Whisked away the smokes of today
Unable to lay safely in the bed I have made
Clothed in mindfulness
I shriek at joy
Just another game; and I am the toy

Tonight,
I must go.
I was almost sure I belonged,
But how many more years
Should I tell myself that?
Memories of those
Long happy nights,
Make me think
What use is it to reminisce
What I, alone, can remember?

Tomorrow,
I will go out
As if nothing is amiss.
I have done so before,
But half-heartedly.
I listened closely
To see if my absence was noticed,
I had found no murmurs
No stirrings,
Not even an insult
Or a condescending remark:
It was as if I had not left at all,
And with a bruised ego,
I found out that I never had a place here.
So I rushed back
I worked hard
I did my best
And yet
I am ready to leave again
And the taste of the midnight air
Is the still the same;
I will not be missed,
Nor shall my effort be remembered.

I will be back, someday
Maybe 10,
20 years from now.
Will you wait for me?
If I silently let my years pass
And let time
Harden my fingertips
And wrinkle my face
Will you all of a sudden
Remember the passion
With which I was embroiled?
When I return
Will you welcome me again?

It’s not as if I want to go.
I must.
Like most of everyone before me,
I had found what I loved
However,
We are much too fickle to love.
Where I lack in conviction
I am sure to make up with time lost
Wondering how it could have been.

If you had ever been left behind,
Or are trying your best to move forward,
I am sure you understand
How much I want to chase you.
If only I could be happy
In your pursuit.

I will always look for you,
You are the poems I’ve committed to heart,
You are the plays that I had practiced in my bedroom,
The speeches I memorized and picked apart,
You are the sonnets I’ve tried to write,
You are the long letters I’ve never finished,
You were my sole frustration for most of my life,
I was obsessed with you,
Yet I have nothing to show for it.

I will always look for you,
However, you cannot look for me.
I will not be anywhere
But here,
Far back
Looking onwards, from the past,
At the back of your neck as it smudges in the distance
With falling leaves
Rain
Petals that lost their way
In an August gust
And the horizon
That blurs
As the sun sets.

Goodbye, goodbye,
I love you, I love you,
Perhaps I shall see you sometime again
But not now
And not ever with me.