happy years aren’t
hard to come by.
out of 365 days
there is bound to be 1
that is full of maggots,
and to take its place
later on down
there will be 10 more
that are full of progress.

You see,
You are like a dandelion seed
Taken away in the breeze
By some kid wishing for world peace
But I'm that stem left selfishly waiting
For your peace in me.

And every time I hear church bells ring
I swear I'm hearing you sing
A little bird with two broken wings
Who flew on the back of this eagle to pick you up off of your feet.

But I flew too far from where you'd want to be
I made you fly when you just wanted to swing
With a chill in your spine
And the clatter of your teeth
I want to be the coat the keeps you warm,
The skin that holds your bones beneath.

But this isn't an insect waiting for pretty wings
It's a soaring eagle who can't feel a thing.
Now you can't feel the wind beneath and you've lost your voice so the world can't hear the song that you sing.

They say be your own kind of beautiful
But what if I am not
What if the person who said so had the courage only because they were beautiful.
Whereas I am not
" Oh my God you look so pretty," they say to my friend. Not to me.
Because I am not.
" What is on the inside is what matters," she said.
Then why do I still get left behind?
Because I am not
"Your heart is beautiful," he said.
But what if I want to be beautiful on the outside too.
But I can't
Because I am not
I am nowhere near. So far. Far away from beautiful.
Can't build confidence. I can only build walls to conceal. Conceal emotions and ugliness.
Because I am not beautiful at all.

Feo

I hope this is revolting
I hope this is annoying
I hope this makes you turn up your nose
Oh reader.
I hope this is befuddled
And confusing and
All about losing
I hope this poem isn't
Rhythmically sound
Nor inspired
Not even slightly profound

This poem is reflecting
This poem is describing
This poem is actually what you see on the news
Oh reader.
This is unfair
And enslaving
Endless line of waiting
And this poem is
The non-fictious reality
Heavy with gravity.
Let that sink in,
Oh reader.

Feo means ugly

I feel like I am never good enough.
or is it that everyone else expects too much?
I am not perfect.
I am flawed like they are,
and I accept that they are ignorant
of their rude and judgemental ways,
because I am assuming that deep down,
they might feel the same.

You'll catch me by the sidewalk sitting down and rocking
Majority of people look down but keep on walking
They don't understand the pain like electric shocks to the brain
That make you forget your name, what you stand for seems insane

Where chaos reigns and the brave die, it's easy to get lost
Pulled into a vacuum so abyssal the will to live is forgot
Where the blood is Paracetamol, where it hurts like it's physical
Numb like a vegetable yet hungry like a cannibal

Starving where food is plentiful
Dehydrated when you're forgetful
You know you're mental
And it's as smooth as Butter Menthol

Attached to your bed like it's the only safe haven
Wondering if like a ruin, you're broken and breaking
When vultures circle up high and your eyes are gouged by ravens
The dark thick ooze makes you realise... you need saving

A highlight from your life
is negative
why?
What are you thinking about?
Something negative
Does it help?
Amazing
how a single moment of discomfort
becomes neck muscle
from the tension you put in your body
The pin dropped once
It is you
who became a cave
and allowed it to
Echo

The darkness is taking over me
eradicating herself within the valley of my being
slowly burning away the garden
my guardians cared for centuries

Nights are getting insufferably longer
more so when there's no starry sky
Clouds are accumulating all around
as ivy thoughts that drown the grace within

Do I stand to all
facing the adversity
me, myself, I have harbored

Even if that means looking at a mirror
Embracing the thought of me becoming
my own worst fear

If doing that means flowers will blossom again
Bring the black mirror
and along, my golden hammer
for I will tear this witch down
even if it means wrenching my soul away