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He has a way with his words, that makes me swoon.
North of Carolina
brain dump. I've been here before.
122/BANA REPOOGIC
Fuck Charles Bukowski
Poems
Aaryn
Sep 2019
Perhaps it's due to the early hour,
Or the hole in my chest,
Or the endless darkness encasing my tomb,
But I can stop thinking of you.
I became absent.
In everything.
With everyone.
I didn't want to realize,
How alone I truly am.
Because **** it.
I don't need anything.
I don't need food.
I don't need a relationship.
I don't need my family.
I don't need friends.
I don't need you.
I
Don't
Need
You.
I don't need you.
I don't
Need
You.
I
Don't Need
You.
I don't need
You.
Because if I say it,
In just the right way,
With the right rhythm,
I will believe it.
I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you.. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you.. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you.. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you.. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you.
Well...
Maybe I convinced you at least?
Or the hole in my chest,
Or the endless darkness encasing my tomb,
But I can stop thinking of you.
I became absent.
In everything.
With everyone.
I didn't want to realize,
How alone I truly am.
Because **** it.
I don't need anything.
I don't need food.
I don't need a relationship.
I don't need my family.
I don't need friends.
I don't need you.
I
Don't
Need
You.
I don't need you.
I don't
Need
You.
I
Don't Need
You.
I don't need
You.
Because if I say it,
In just the right way,
With the right rhythm,
I will believe it.
I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you.. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you.. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you.. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you.. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you.
Well...
Maybe I convinced you at least?
I really wish I could believe what I say
V Jan 2018
the beauty of it all
V
Jan 2018
i don’t know what to do, love. i wish there was something i could do to help me bare with the heaviness of your absence. as hard as it is, i’ve come to realize that i need you here. i need to hear the sound of your laugh. i need to gaze into your brown eyes one more time. i need to stare at you doing such ordinary things, like watching your favorite show or having your favorite dish. i need to hear you talk about university or state your opinion on a movie or documentary. i need to feel that ache in my stomach from cracking up at your jokes and watching you do the clumsiest things to make me laugh. i need you to try to throw me off bed and feed me in public when i’m not looking just because you know it embarrasses me. i need you to pose anywhere and take endless pictures of us. i need you to introduce me to your mom one more time. i need you to smile again when she asks about me. i need you to get frustrated with me but still call me by my name so i know i haven’t lost you forever. i need you to randomly call me when your friends are around. i need you to ask me one more time why i want to hang up. i need you to listen as i tell you the things i could never say to anyone else. i need you to get under my skin, to **** me off like no one else. i need you to make me feel as comfortable as i felt the first night we met. i need you to put my mind at ease. i need you to fight for me one more time. i need you to discuss the most random topics with me. i need you to share your writings one more time. i need you to lay with me while we listen to our favorite songs, just one more time. i need you to give me that rush, to send shivers down my spine, to make me feel like my heart is about to drop, just one more time. as pathetic as it sounds, i need you here. but i know for a fact, that you don’t need me. and i don’t need the heartache of knowing that you don’t feel the same way i do.
so stay safe, love. i need you to be strong, love. i need you to admire every sunset you come across. i need you to blast your favorite songs and cruise around the city. I need you to wear your heart on your sleeve without worrying about the whole world looking. i need you to finish reading the book i gave you. i need you to keep those two bracelets. i need you to work ******* achieving your goals. i need you to make the best out of your life because every second counts. i need you to smile softly. i need you to fall in love with someone who’s willing to give you more than you deserve, because you deserve the world and should only settle for someone who can offer you an entire multiverse. i need you to talk about your feelings. i need you to value yourself and stand your ground. i need you to recommend the Breadwinner series to as many people as you can. i need you to listen to Location one more time. i need you to sing along to it, just one more time. i need you to go on with your life and i need you to be happy, even if that happiness doesn’t include me. i need you to belong to the horizon and the night sky and the stars, because you could never belong to me.
yours truly,
S.B.
so stay safe, love. i need you to be strong, love. i need you to admire every sunset you come across. i need you to blast your favorite songs and cruise around the city. I need you to wear your heart on your sleeve without worrying about the whole world looking. i need you to finish reading the book i gave you. i need you to keep those two bracelets. i need you to work ******* achieving your goals. i need you to make the best out of your life because every second counts. i need you to smile softly. i need you to fall in love with someone who’s willing to give you more than you deserve, because you deserve the world and should only settle for someone who can offer you an entire multiverse. i need you to talk about your feelings. i need you to value yourself and stand your ground. i need you to recommend the Breadwinner series to as many people as you can. i need you to listen to Location one more time. i need you to sing along to it, just one more time. i need you to go on with your life and i need you to be happy, even if that happiness doesn’t include me. i need you to belong to the horizon and the night sky and the stars, because you could never belong to me.
yours truly,
S.B.
NitaAnn Oct 2013
Unmet Needs
NitaAnn
Oct 2013
"Nita, what do you* NEED ?"
I HATE it when someone asks me that question!
"Nita, What do you need?"
NEED: “require”… “want”… “necessitate”
"What do you need right now. You don't have to do this in isolation."
"What do you need right now? I am not afraid of the little girl."
"What do you need right now? If you need something I am here to listen."
"If you don't think you are safe, then what do you need from me or others or yourself?"
Why does it matter what I "NEED"? Why do you ask me when you are not going to be able to grant that/those "NEED(S)"?
Is my Survivor Fairy Godmother asking you for a list of Nita's NEEDS so she can come wave her magic wand, sing, bippity, boppity, boo...and I'll become an unf@#ked kid?
Well, why didn't you say so!
Here's my list for the Godmother:
I NEED to be 'unf@#ked'. I NEED the voices in my head to stop. I NEEDED my evil father not to touch me. I NEED the flashbacks to stop. I NEED my body not to hurt. I NEED the fear to stop. I NEED for you to be here for me NOW like you WERE then. I NEEDED to be loved by my parents. I NEED someone to teach me what love really is. I NEED someone to show me that trust really does exist in this world. I NEED you to help me at night when I am suicidal and dissociative. I NEED you to be available after 10pm, when the hell started, you know, like you used to be...back when you actually cared about what I NEEDED. I NEED the little girl to stop whining and crying. I NEED to not have physical symptoms that relate to then. I NEED the nightmares to stop. I NEED the constant headaches to stop. I NEED my crohn’s to not be in a constant flare up. I NEED to stop having recurrent UTIs. I NEED the ****** Angry Girl to stop hurting me. I NEED to sleep. I NEED to want to live before I die.
I NEED you to hear me.
What? There is NO Survivor Fairy Godmother? NO magic wand?
I'm shocked! NOT!
I'm guessing that's why she never showed up then, either...I prefer to think that rather than her never answering my cries of: Please make him stop hurting me!
I NEED you to STOP asking me what I NEED Since we both know that those NEEDS will NEVER be my reality, and that it is actually more painful to ask for what you NEED and not get that need met, then it is to keep your NEEDS to yourself. At least that's true for me.
So...unless you have a survivor registry where I can resister for the aforementioned NEEDS, or, perhaps a survivor merit system where I can earn credits to 'buy' the above NEEDS (I'm not afraid of hard work)...then STOP ASKING ME WHAT I NEED!
Because we both know it does not matter what I NEED!
Can't undo what's already been done. We both know that.
What Nita "NEEDS" right now is a bottle of ***** and some cranberry juice…THAT is a NEED I can meet right now!
A TOAST!
Here's to: **UNMET NEEDS
I HATE it when someone asks me that question!
"Nita, What do you need?"
NEED: “require”… “want”… “necessitate”
"What do you need right now. You don't have to do this in isolation."
"What do you need right now? I am not afraid of the little girl."
"What do you need right now? If you need something I am here to listen."
"If you don't think you are safe, then what do you need from me or others or yourself?"
Why does it matter what I "NEED"? Why do you ask me when you are not going to be able to grant that/those "NEED(S)"?
Is my Survivor Fairy Godmother asking you for a list of Nita's NEEDS so she can come wave her magic wand, sing, bippity, boppity, boo...and I'll become an unf@#ked kid?
Well, why didn't you say so!
Here's my list for the Godmother:
I NEED to be 'unf@#ked'. I NEED the voices in my head to stop. I NEEDED my evil father not to touch me. I NEED the flashbacks to stop. I NEED my body not to hurt. I NEED the fear to stop. I NEED for you to be here for me NOW like you WERE then. I NEEDED to be loved by my parents. I NEED someone to teach me what love really is. I NEED someone to show me that trust really does exist in this world. I NEED you to help me at night when I am suicidal and dissociative. I NEED you to be available after 10pm, when the hell started, you know, like you used to be...back when you actually cared about what I NEEDED. I NEED the little girl to stop whining and crying. I NEED to not have physical symptoms that relate to then. I NEED the nightmares to stop. I NEED the constant headaches to stop. I NEED my crohn’s to not be in a constant flare up. I NEED to stop having recurrent UTIs. I NEED the ****** Angry Girl to stop hurting me. I NEED to sleep. I NEED to want to live before I die.
I NEED you to hear me.
What? There is NO Survivor Fairy Godmother? NO magic wand?
I'm shocked! NOT!
I'm guessing that's why she never showed up then, either...I prefer to think that rather than her never answering my cries of: Please make him stop hurting me!
I NEED you to STOP asking me what I NEED Since we both know that those NEEDS will NEVER be my reality, and that it is actually more painful to ask for what you NEED and not get that need met, then it is to keep your NEEDS to yourself. At least that's true for me.
So...unless you have a survivor registry where I can resister for the aforementioned NEEDS, or, perhaps a survivor merit system where I can earn credits to 'buy' the above NEEDS (I'm not afraid of hard work)...then STOP ASKING ME WHAT I NEED!
Because we both know it does not matter what I NEED!
Can't undo what's already been done. We both know that.
What Nita "NEEDS" right now is a bottle of ***** and some cranberry juice…THAT is a NEED I can meet right now!
A TOAST!
Here's to: **UNMET NEEDS