Facing failure has become second nature

Burning in resentment, is an old wound-

that only irks further infection of the mind

Heart strings that once sang

Cry out for the darkened mercy-

that nativity once cloaked

Numbness and the prickles of pain-

Blur between pretend grins and choked chuckles.

Me:
Is it all my fault?
The way I feel?


Monsters:
Of course, you are sensitive, stupid, and naive.
You are making it worse and worse.
It's all your fault. Every last bit.

They laughed as
I leaped over holes
looking down,
feeling like I'd
never fall in love.
Then
you fell from the sky
... and I'ad neverbeen-
crushed so sweetly.

But... you promised..

It’s such a naïve thing to say
That I miss you the second you exit my line of vision
And compared to every day for the rest of our lives
This moment is only a glitch in time
But it’s as if every time we say goodnight
It’ll be the last time
Because each night away from you feels like a lifetime
And the only lifetime I ever wish to have
Is the one where we only exist together,
Skin on skin
In an apartment made of us
With nothing but the air we’ve exhaled
Occupying the space between our bodies,
However little that space may remain.

I’ve finally come to realize
That it wasn’t anything I did wrong
It’s just that the way I am
Didn’t fit the doll you had drawn

It’s not the typical
I’m just not skinny enough
I’m not pretty enough
I’m not smart enough

Because you didn’t just want pretty
My body did suit your eye’s hunger
It wasn’t anything physical
I was simply too fast for the hunter

Because I’m just not naive enough
My mind wasn’t bleak enough
I wasn’t afraid enough
I wasn’t weak enough

And instead of apologizing
As a means of stipulation
I became smarter, stronger, happier
I didn’t fall for manipulation

And that’s not what you looked for in a woman
So you found a new target to offer that world
Instead of fighting, I still seek purpose in my own
I won't allow my self-control to be overthrown

"aren't you scared?"
"i'm too naive to be scared"

Soon our love will be over
Soon our love will end
There'll be laughing and kissing and making love
And giggling and playing until the shove

And when it all has ended
I'll still remember you, remember you

We keep going like we're the same
Pretending that we haven't changed
But we've grown up, and we've grown apart
You'll always have a place in my heart

And when it all has ended
I'll still remember you, remember you

Childhood crush became a summer fling
That turned into a long term thing
But we aren't kids with innocent smiles
I see the world when I look in you eyes

And when it all has ended
I'll still remember you, remember you

There's blankness in my eyes and pain in yours
I can't remember anymore
You can't forget, and it's eating you whole
These two kids are now two damaged souls

I laugh a little when I recall your teasing words:
"Do not fall in love with me."
What a joke. You idiot,
don't you know it is human nature to defy?

In hindsight I should have listened
but instead I gave you everything I had.
You said it first, lulled me into comfort with
"I love you."
The taste of those words became my favorite treat.
The feel of your body on mine was a dangerous thing.

Of course it wasn't long before it began to sour for you,
while only growing sweeter on my tongue.
I was (and still remain) so ******* in love with you.
But as is typical, I was too much for you
And you left me feeling grey
and wanting
and disposable.
Do you know what it feels like to be disposable?

It really is too bad
that you cannot love as well
as you can ****.