I think there will always be a void
that not even the thickest substance can fill
and whether that void is in my heart
or even between my bones
is something I still don't know
and I may not ever.
The music is never loud enough
and the heat is always on too high
and nobody believes you when you tell them you can't breathe
until the windows fog up
and you're forced to write your last words
in the condensation
with shaky fingers.
The demons dance and sing when others come around
And everyone claps along with encouraging words
But when I'm alone in my room
All they do is growl and hiss
And nip at my fingers from under the bed
It’s such a naïve thing to say
That I miss you the second you exit my line of vision
And compared to every day for the rest of our lives
This moment is only a glitch in time
But it’s as if every time we say goodnight
It’ll be the last time
Because each night away from you feels like a lifetime
And the only lifetime I ever wish to have
Is the one where we only exist together,
Skin on skin
In an apartment made of us
With nothing but the air we’ve exhaled
Occupying the space between our bodies,
However little that space may remain.
He touches my face
and I can feel the love exiting his fingertips
when it would usually feel like infatuation
and when I tell him I'm here to stay
his face lights up as if he's seeing the sunset
for the first time all over again.
Thoughts I have throughout the day
are ones of his thighs wrapped tightly around mine
as he whispers that he loves me
through the gaps between sighs and moans.
He sings with me in the car
and he loves my weird taste in almost everything
and the stupid voices I use when I don't know what to say
and I swear to god if I couldn't be his forever
I would rather just belong to the earth.
Tipsy conversations in kitchens of mutual friends
would have never been enough
And to come to such a conclusion
after just one night together (alone)
Would be insane to anyone but us.
I would wish we'd found out sooner,
But to say I'd change even a second
of the time we've spent
Taking in one another's breath
Under sheets we never expected to share
Would be even crazier than admitting that I loved you
the moment you opened your door.
I assure you over and over that I love you
but the vision of his face overshadows yours every time.
The motivation to touch you only appears
when I've become overly hungry for him
and I would lend you a glimpse
of what's lurking inside my mind
but you wouldn't be able to see
through the thick fog anyway.
Even with you inside of me I still feel empty.
It took one night in the same room
with the next four months left up to the universe
to figure out that the greatest plans
will never be the ones we make in advance
and with the help of you words
to pick the lock on my brain
there is no way in hell that I could ever allow myself
to ignore every sign along the way
and walk past the capability
of being in love with you.