it is easy to go in past and pick apart the things that went wrong. Its like playing back movie picking over looking the miss steps. We strive move forward but to keep moving we must learn from the negative to make it positive

Going to sleep
is the best thing
a person can do.
After a long day of work
just slip under the covers
clean, wrinkled, soft and daring
the night a comfortable pillow
in which to rest sleepy tired eyes
while finishing a dystopian sci-fi movie
taking place in the desert.
Furiosa takes the night
across her shoulders
black engine grease smeared
across her forehead as Mad Max
rides shotgun
before the heat consumes them.
Enjoying every sand crusted
machine cranked thrusted
water tank bomb shell.
She is the best kind of heroine
taking complete control
of the current situation.
But sometimes there’s a break
when the dusk becomes depth
merging into the white halo of moon
slivered like a cut thumbnail
just hanging there, lifeless.
And this is when
the truth becomes
completely apparent.
Resting one’s body
after a tough week
of physical and emotional sickness
becomes first priority
where relaxation nods its weary head
to slumber under a pile of blankets.

Oh how many times
have I watched
a movie
I don't want to see
with a guy
just cause I want to see
him
naked

Is it so bad that, this could be a movie?

dear friend,
trying to participate
falling and failing epically
perks of being seemingly invisible
to the only one you see

don't want to wake up on your own
so you accept the love you think you deserve
put them first and now you know
this is how a wallflower grows

your friends they see it, live it, breathe it
smokey parties and poorly lit rooms
synthetic happiness, the only way to get by
fragile hopes and dreams

you know everyone and no one
watching their daily lives happen
but nobody stops it takes a second look
at your wilting petals and falling leaves

below average, psychos together
"welcome to the island of misfit toys"
somehow a place of belonging
and now in this moment, you feel infinite

love always,

And when you look back
It's all a romantic movie
You never want to watch again.

his laugh is my favorite movie. I play the scenes over and over again in my head the way he smiles the way he looks at me  the way my hand fit into his. The million words that were said and his laugh that I lost. I lost the original so now I'm left with the movie playing in my head and knowing I will never have the feeling that I did when I got to watch it first hand. when I got to love him for the first time.

You know that movie scene
The one where the girl unexpectedly
sees her lover in the distance
On a crowded street corner,
everything else losing focus

except for the hurried, automatic movement of legs and arms
knowing that she has to reach the end of the street
Before they disappear completely
Slipping through her imagination like
a fever dream

i can recognize the outline of your body
from a mile away
the way you stand with your feet pointed slightly apart
headphones dangling from the phone in your pocket
how you push your hair out of your face
the same way i do

i’m always afraid you’ll vanish before i reach you
not knowing that i was seconds away from grabbing your shirt sleeve
saying look,
here i am

i don’t know where you’re going but
can i come with you?