All I ever wanted was that hour glass.
To be pretty and normal like them.
To be the cheerleader
To not be the freak.

All I ever wanted was that hour glass.
A figure like my mom and sisters
To be long tall and desirable.
To not be like me.

all I ever wanted was that hour glass
But nature wasn’t kind to me.
A cups, a skinny waste and a round fat behind.
Are what I got instead.

All I wanted was an hour glass.
Not just 90 pound of low self esteem
And a round fat ***.

How can anyone know me
When they don't even know my name
How can anyone teach me
When all that they crave is fame
They don't know how my world destroyed me
They don't know the monsters I struggle to tame
They don't know me
They don't know my name

Some where between the perpetual isolation
that we created in the name of personal space.
The wounds that were never healed,
Because they never received the ointment of attention.
The misunderstandings
That pilled up into a giant rumpus,
And ignited the dubious disposition,
turning the intimate conversations into constant fights.
The love that we lost,
To the demonic darkness of our egoistic nature,
Still exists,
But only in the fragments
Of some moth-eaten memories.

I never met him.

That did not give me the free reign to judge him, but I did.

I compared him to the countless flawed heroes that fail to hold up to the damsel's doe-eyed trust.

I wronged him by comparing him to the villain that steals into the secret wishes of maiden's lustful desires and vandalizes the sanctuary of their imagination.

I flirted with him in abandon not counting the risk of falling in love with every dimpled smile or deep-throated laughter.

I lusted after him and panted after him hoping that he would be doing the same for indeed lust must be stronger than love.

Ultimately I collapsed in exhaustion and dust sought dust to be united with it, once for all, defiled with it.

It was him who stepped forward and picked me up, dusted me altogether and set me up on a mantlepiece, a prized possession ready to be loved.

(c) Anavah 2018

soundless clouds whisper through the night
unbound by god they were nubivagant
soundless sleep screamed in your ear
a free flowing breeze
i am but a cloud whispering with the trees
the nights i spend waiting on you
my beloved sky
the blessed rain showers overhead
tears that streamed to hear their plea
burning sky
whispers into my ears
his warmth my rue love
sun beat on my back as i drifted
my eyes bathed in its glow
the thunder loved with the storm
my children i care for
those who bind us in this eternal sleep
awaken and take form
my mind splits for the nubivagant
the god among us all

Oh moment of silence
Wash all over me
Block away the noise
Wash away my agony

I have been used and abused
By humanity
I have been hurt and misunderstood
By those I believed cared for me
Those I gave myself to
Oh moment of silence
Please
Won’t you wash away the pain?

I have loved and lost
And then tried to love the world
But lost it too

If I gave you my heart
My body, my soul
If I showed you my tears and my words
Would you try to understand?
Or use my life-force as fuel?
Would you ridicule, all I hold dear?
Would you ridicule, Me?
I surrender.

So I’ll just give myself to a world
I know will discard and disregard me, too.