i feel like a fool
like a tool
thats not so
sharp

i feel like a ***
really dumb
you'll know from
the start

i feel like a headache
a bad mistake
people wish
to erase

i don't feel like myself
i don't think my health is well
that's how i'm feeling
today

The Art of Subconscious Illusion is an elusive tendency towards the averse,
             or rather,
the act of lying to oneself

        Oft times you’ll find yourself wondering how...
             …how you lost her…how you lost love…

                            how you lost yourself

         Your mind a jumble of
               spiral static,
         coils of confusion, twisting malevolently,

                             failing and falling,
                   flawed and faulty,
          feeble and fading,

you slowly begin to yearn for a second chance,
        wish that you had performed more charmingly in the blistering tragedy of feelings lost...

but there are few second chances in the misfortunes of life.
      the damage is done, and now you must live with the consequences
       of a dying will to persist in this journey,
                              the ups
                                                the downs
                                the laughter
                                                        ­ the pain
after endless days of convincing yourself you’re not to blame you finally see it for what it is...
                    You made the choice
     you made your bed, and now you must lie in it…

and as you slowly make your way towards the reclining ***** of the soft satin covers you’ll begin to see….

it was not a bed your actions relayed....
                                                                       ....it was a coffin

I wanna talk like it's romantic
but in all honesty it's tragic
you see the way we fell in love
you came and kissed me like a dove
in sunny springtime

You got me through some cloudy days
made all the sadness go away

for a minute

and the more we laughed and played
my soul felt it was saved
so long as I had you

but one day there was something strange
we had a little more than an exchange

let's cut the crap, we had ***

and afterwards I found myself vexed
at all the things I felt in my chest

I wanted to believe that we were friends
that I could keep you--we didn't need to end
but what I wanted, I couldn't pretend
It was wholesome ever again
It was sin

"Us" became an argument I could never win
a logic I could never spin
around enough times to make anything come full circle
the innocence I thought I knew
in that one instance blew away
into the past before that spring day
that our lips touched

It feels just too much
to admit that you were lying
trying to get my attention
long enough to where I'd want more

I went from a stupid kid to a *****
and my heart is sore for all the shame it bore
since then
how could I still find myself wanting more
knowing that what we had was never real?

Your friendship has become an agony
that I wish I never had to feel.

There are indecorous mistakes
found in this world,
in this life,
that cannot, despite
all efforts of frantic,
pure, desperation:
be erased
in the slightest.

d.b.

Dolly, you know Fluffy can't play with you.

you're my dolly.

Fluffy stop looking at her like that.

Fluffy, let me sing you a song
so you understand.

This is my dolly
You can't have it
This is my dolly
And *******

this is my dolly
You can't have it
This is my dolly and
*******

this is my dolly
you can't have it
this is my dolly and
*******.

*Stomp stomp stomp *
"DOLLY?!
What do I hear you singing?"

Nothing Daddy!

"If that is what Nothing sounds like.
You will be loud for the rest of your life
Do you understand?"

Yes daddy.

"I don't wanna hear nothin' ever again.
Did your mother teach you that?"

Yes daddy.
Mommy sings it sometimes
turns the shower on so we can't hear her crying
But the way her voice cracks
I can tell.

...





"...Body.
It's body Princess... not dolly."

"This is my body
You can't have it
This is my body and

Well maybe that last line...
...that one's for me."

"Your mommy taught me the words last night.
it was about time I learned them too.

funny, we both make the same mistake."