Life is too **** short
to feed off television
and medication

“Did you take your meds this morning?”
Those words take back all the progress I’ve ever made.
My feelings are invalid because they are irrational.
Apperently having depression means that any emotion is dangerous
Apperently being medicated for it means that your negative emotions are a mistake.

“Did you take your meds this morning?”
My mother slaps when I’m not laughing singing and smiling at Breakfast.
Yes, I’m just calm.

“Did you take your meds this morning?”
My father shoots when I slam my door after an intense argument  
Yes, I’m just angry.

“Did you take your meds this morning?”
My friend spits when I cry over a deep broken heart
Yes, I’m just sad.

“Did you take your meds this morning?”
My brother taunts when I can’t talk to the cashier at Walmart
Yes, I’m just nervous.

Medications regulate emotions.
Medications do not erase emotion.
Emotions are valid, organic or controlled.

i’ve beaten down and broken
into a million pieces
now i’m here alone
with no cure for my diseases

they’re eating me alive
cell by cell
they’ve forced me to do things
i refuse to tell

now i sit here alone
broken and lost
i’m still feeding my insecurities
when i know the cost

eventually i’ll be gone
nothing but pain
it keeps me awake at night
coursing through my veins

there’s so many scars
i can’t count them all
i’m patiently waiting
for my one last fall

my diseases are incurable
i’ve given up hope
there’s not much of me left
i’m searching for a rope

to end my pain
to end my sorrow
i’m hoping for
a better tomorrow

I haven't been so sad recently,
which is rare. I had the bad five months last year-
to the point I nearly killed myself.
And now I'm okay, but then it makes me think;
I'm not acting how I should act.
I don't feel like me anymore.
I'm bored,
I don't cry so often,
I feel like I'm wearing new shoes
that are slightly too small, to the point they
rub but don't leave a mark.
I think it's because I got so used to
being let down, that my body automatically
drops me a few stories every couple of weeks.
My eighteenth birthday was bad.
I think I just gave up on birthdays
and to think they used to be my favourite.
Now, I spend my time doing what is asked of me;
go to classes, smile, do work, go home, do homework,
sleep and not dream.
It feels weird.
I don't feel like me;
I want to feel like I'm dying again,
like the world itself is crumbling beneath my feet,
that, if I smile or move a muscle,
my whole being would explode;
shattering thousands with reminders that I was here,
because now I feel empty.
I'd rather feel like death personified
than nothing at all.

Sometimes you feel kinda foggy
Your hand passes in front of you
But you don't even notice it
That kind of foggy
And it doesn't really matter if you get up and do ****
Or stay in bed and wither away
Because when you pass your hand in front of you
You don't even notice it
Nothing happened

And there's this buzzing in your ears
A weird buzz
That isn't quite a buzz
Almost like a speaker turned all the way up
With no sound coming out
So it's just the sound of the speaker
But it's real faint
In the back of your mind
Foggy like your hand
Passing in front of your face
You don't even notice it

And there's people walking around you
Apparently
But they just kind of brush past
They're *******
They don't say much
And you don't really feel them jar you
They're all foggy
Like your hand

If I am
ever left
to rely
on a
diet of medication
and
tv static commercials,
unplug me
and
donate me,
being a
crash test cadaver
is at least
useful.

Waking up in cold sweat
was it real or just a threat?

I'm not...


                                                 sure.


It really scares me sometimes
              /not seeing with my eyes/

Desperately looking through my             memories

What isn't real, or rather, what is?
Maybe I need to take my pills
                                to see the kills
                                      of my dreams

It gives me chills
To have the feels

                                               -awake-