clip my iridescent wings
strip me like saturn without
her rings

these pills have me so
reticent
but I never lied when had I said
that I was spent
my porcelain lips part like a butterfly

and my words pour out and

cut like silver kitchen knives

my problems fogged up

and spilled through these vents

but I never lied when I had said

that I was spent

When you came into my life I didn’t want you. I was so young and I thought I didn’t need you.
I said I couldn’t tell a difference, my mother begs to differ she could see the difference.
I was
Calmer
I could focus
I stopped bouncing my leg up and down, up and down, up and down all of the time.
I no longer tapped my pencil like a little drummer boy
I ate like a little girl, not a hollow creature attempting to fill a hollow leg.
It’s been 6 years. 365 days every day, each morning with you on my tongue   so that I can focus.
You have given my the power to act normal...
But we need to take a break it might not be you but I just need to see so I have to find out who I am without you and I’m scared because I don’t know who I’ll be but
I’ll still be me, right?
I’m sorry but it’s prbably just temporary  trust me

It was a bad night last night
My tear stained cheeks
and sliced up wrists
can vouch.
I never know what I'm thinking anymore...
Or why.
I just know that I am.

It's scary,
You know...
Being like this.
I get scared,
and other people get scared.
More often than not,
I can't control these thoughts...
These protruding and unwelcome thoughts
but I don't know what to do.
I never know what to do anymore.
I just know that I've had a lot of bad nights lately.
A lot of them.
But I don't know what to do.

It's all cranberry juice and pills
Zoloft pills
Little tiny tic tac Zoloft pills.
Insurance pays for most of it,
But there are a couple crinkled dollars in my pocket that pick up the rest.
They're supposed to help.
I should be able to get out of bed,
And do daily ****.
But all I do is grab more Zoloft,
And take my daily ****.
The cranberry juice helps the **** not burn,
But the cream doesn't do anything for the hemorrhoids
That come from trying so hard to **** out the food I never eat.
It all just hurts nowadays,
So I have to take pills.
Pills on top of pills
And pills after those pills.
It all just hurts from laying in bed all day.
But I never get up.
Just to get more tiny tic tac pills,
And to take my daily ****.
Most days I forget,
But sometimes I take 6.
Twice the prescribed won't **** me.
I'll **** myself before any little pill does.

you will try to paint it out,
or write it down,
sing,
dance,
and act it out,
but no one will see the picture.

i'm sorry.
one day, i'm sure, we shall search for those who will.

The doctor says I’m ill
Unable to function so they give me a pill
Still unable to get rid of this condition
But trying to fix me seems to be their mission

My muscles are weak
Poisoned by those drugs, I can hardly speak
Is this cure supposed to be this bad?
Because if this is I’d rather be mad

It’s 5:22 and I still haven’t slept.

It’s not uncommon anymore and they say insomnia is a side effect of Paroxetin.

I call *******.

Tomorrow I’ll be picking up a new prescription - things they feed me to make themselves feel better.

St John’s Wort.

They say its safer and more traditional, less side effects.

I’m just exhausted.

I think they’re just trying to get me talking again. I’ve stopped coming to the sessions and is it normal that I’ve felt better since?

Probably because they’ve upped the dosage of my Paxil.

Do they know that Paroxetine can overdose? 560 mg I heard can ****. That’s 28 tablets.

I counted 13 in my bottle. That’s just about enough to get someone to hallucinate and *****.

Useless.




I hear chirping outside my window.

It gets me smiling.