Sometimes
I sit here and think
wouldn't it just be good
to not have to go through
yet another day
feeling the same?
Not to feel
empty inside anymore?
Not to know
what the future hasn't got to offer?
Encased within
these magnolia walls so bleak
with nothing to say
unless I say it
to myself
no-one to share the hours with
to close my eyes
and never see them again
would be a blessing

All sinners are born here,
and it's where the good come to die.
Somehow I've made a life here,
and I left another one behind.
Yeah, I left a better one behind.

You told me to pack it up,
and I kicked the dust and went away.
Seems weird just being here
while you're so far away.
Yeah, you're so **** far away.

The things that you say to me
are getting harder to hear each day.
But I must say I'm lonely,
and I'd love if you'd come to stay.
So why dont you come and stay?

I forgot that you hate me now,
so what's a person like me to do?
And I forgot how hard it is
to love someone who don't love you.
I love someone and that someone's you.

All sinners are born here,
and it's where the good come to die.
Somehow I've made a life here,
and I left another one behind.
Yeah, I left a better one behind.

She lives her life with tears in her eyes.
From day to day, tears in her eyes.

No one can tell—
she hides them so well—
with bangs down,
and a smile on her face.

                   ~              

The general disposition
that showing emotion
makes you weak.

Why should she show them anyways?
When no one can make her feel better
    and no one understands
the pain in her heart that resides there from day to day.

It originates from small things that bug her
                       to things people say—
and the fact that they just don't understand.
                                          No one understands.

It's always the same,
they get defensive
when she tells them the truth
and how she really feels.

but she's so tired of hiding and pretending to be ok

I can feel you reaching across
miles and miles and miles.
I can see you in the sun casting
smiles and smiles and smiles.
I can taste you, and it's new
like I were still a child.
Yes, after all this lonely time,
you're still driving me wild.

Will I meet you?
Will my eyes see you again?
Will I greet you
like I did O, when, O, when
I first met you
and my eyes were closed on you?
Will I greet you
with arms open, open?

I'm malleable
I have years of experience
In moulding myself
To suit their needs and wants
Except mine
Cause i like everyone's smile
Except mine
I have boundless endurance
You dont need to test me for that
Just tell me who you want me to be
And i'm doubtlessly sure
That i wouldn't require
Any scrap of assistance
To pulverise myself
And then remodel my being
According to your precise specifications
Till you're completely happy
Take my guarantee

Switching schools is like moving to a new town
You don’t see those people unless one of you reaches out
And they never do so you are left alone in that what it feels like a “new town”
You have no support and those people who said they would be there
But to no surprise they are not anywhere to be found
They are just a text message away and a thirty minute drive
But is it that much of a burden for you to say “Hi” or “How are you”
I guess it is to you
Our school colors were paper white and royal purple now the thought of it makes me the saddest blue
School break can turn into heartbreak especially when you don’t come back and nobody notices that you didn’t
I might not be there the first or last day of school not BY choice but for MY well being
You won’t ever text back or call to show effort acknowledging my existence now that’s YOUR choice and to that choice I will never understand
I just hope you know that choice YOU made let me spiral into a deep black endless hole
A hole that was always there like an annoying loose thread on your sweater
But I never thought I’d get caught in that deep dark endless hole
Who knew all you had to do was say “Hi” or “Hey” instead of giving me feelings that make me think you are pushing me away
Because you sure didn’t

remember:
there is so much more to come.

there are so many people
sitting
waiting
hoping to find you

you have not yet reached that place
that place in your life you've been looking for
but someday you will

that person you are waiting for is coming
no, not the one from your past,
who haunts you and wishes they could hear you laugh again,
or who tore you from inside-out,
or the one who you wish would just say hello,

but someone else
that person you are waiting and wishing for is on their way
for now
it is okay to be lonely.

you always have
yourself

I've grown so accustomed to this numbness.
It spreads through my body
like wildfire
consuming dry skin and chapped lips.
It overtakes all of me, fills my being
from stomach to heart and
eventually my mind.
It begins to feel like brush on the forest floor,
stale and easy to catch
but quick to burn up.

------------------------------------------------------------­---------

Our ship is sinking
so quickly.
Blink and you miss
all the little moments we could have had
that you failed to see.
Your blindness and My complacency
like cannonballs
punching holes in our vessel
and me in the stomach.
You don't even seem to care Captain.
We're patching up a sinking ship with bandages
but it won't stay afloat.