There is a kind of suffering too deep for words,
a weight that settles in the bones,
dragging the soul into an abyss where even despair has lost its voice.
You wake, you breathe, you move—
but it is not living. It is merely the absence of death.

Nothing matters.
Not love, not laughter, not the sun rising over the rooftops.
You watch the world as if from behind a glass,
separated, untouched,
a ghost among the living.

You search for meaning,
as a man drowning in the ocean searches for land.
But there is none—only an endless stretch of water,
only the slow pull of the tide.

And so you sink, without struggle, without protest.
Because what is there left to hold onto,
when even the suffering has become dull?

Lonely

Can I be vulnerable for a
Second
Is the microphone on
Is everyone paying attention
You in the corner
Put down your phone
I want to talk about
What it’s like to always feel…
Stop tapping
Your fingers
You can spare a few seconds
This won’t be boring
It’s not a mathematics
Lesson
Oh my
Don’t roll your eyes
Why are you getting up to leave
Come back
Please listen to me.

Ugh I got dressed up
In bright red even
And everyone’s looking
At me like I’m a heathen.
Ok deep breaths
Lately I’ve been feeling
Extremely stressed
Oh my,
Not again
Stop whispering to your
Friend!
I’m over here
Please spare me just five
Seconds?
Does this whole room
Not know how to listen?
No I’m sweating,
I’m stuttering,
The room goes dark.
Stop! help!
They’re quenching my spark.

I walk right out the front door
Not even through the back
My eyes all big
Like I’m having a
Panic attack.
No one even asks
Why I’m leaving so early
They’re too busy
Refilling their drinks.
This is my life
Over and over again
Doesn’t matter
That I have so many “friends”
Being invisible
When will this end.

I am the Pisces, suffocating beneath the weight of my own sorrow.
You watch as I fight against waves that crush the will from my bones,
A fish whose scales are heavy with despair,
Whose heart is a shattered thing, lost in the vast, unforgiving deep.
Each breath I take is a revolt against this abyss,
But each breath is a futile attempt to resist the inevitable.

You call my name, beg me to stay—
But the current is merciless, pulling me into the blackened void.
I swim in circles, drowning in a silence that devours,
As the water fills my lungs with its cold, endless ache.
The world above is a distant, forgotten dream,
One I can no longer reach, no longer want.

I am the Pisces, swallowed whole by my own darkness,
A soul unraveling beneath the surface.
Your hands cannot break the tide,
For I have already surrendered.
It is too late. The ocean has claimed me.

There once was a man from Tyrone
Who spent all his time all alone:
     It got on his nerves,
     And he wanted some curves,
So he Frankensteined a female clone.

A tree sits in the middle of a forest,
Hydrophobic,
It fears the rain.
Its bark is coarse,
Its roots withered,
It has no leaves,
And its branches point down,
Toward the ground.

The tree does this by choice,
For it’s afraid of change,
And if not changing is the one thing it can control,
It’ll hold it to the end.
When the rain pours,
The tree refuses the water,
Spits it toward its fellow trees,
Whose leaves dance in the windy breeze.
They always saw the little tree as strange.
Why did it willingly starve itself?
What did it gain?
It always looked so sad,
All alone,
Yet this was the life that it chose.

As the little tree grew older,
It watched as its fellow trees grew tall,
And oh, so green.
Their changing leaves,
Their branches and berries,
That the birds would love to eat.
How it envied,
Oh, it envied.
It uprooted itself,
As its dying roots clung to life,
It walked all on its own,
To find another home.

It started to wonder if the rain was worthy of his fear,
Or if it was overthinking–again.
Was the future a mountain or a molehill?
Only time will tell.
How the little tree wished it could control every detail,
Save itself from suspense,
Always knowing what comes next.
Unfortunately,
Life doesn’t work that way,
A lesson the tree would have to learn,
And accept,
To find brighter days.

The tree planted itself in a garden,
Filled with flowers,
Of many hues,
Reds,
Greens,
Yellows,
And blues.
Even though the nearby birds,
Would chirp and coo,
It did little,
To ease the little tree’s
Lonely blues.
Yet as it gazed,
Amidst the pretty colors,
Of the flowers,
He thought of the fellow trees.
He wondered,
If this was the way life was meant to be.
After all,
These flowers would die come winter,
And grow again come spring,
And they would be just a goregous,
And marvelous,
The second time around.
Eureka!
Purpose and acceptance,
Finally found.

The little tree looked to the sky,
A thunderstorm was on its way.
He could hear the crackle of the lightning,
As a house was set unto a blaze.
The tree tightened down his roots,
He wouldn’t be afraid.
Perhaps if he believed,
He would be okay.
After all,
The other trees thrived off the rain,
It caused their leaves to grow,
And eased their decay.
Perhaps,
He was running from the wrong thing.
Perhaps,
His biggest villain wasn’t change.
Perhaps,
Life would be okay.

The rain came like a hurricane,
And the tree absorbed the water,
Having starved and thirsted for so long,
And as the sky cleared to the sunshine,
He heard the bird’s sweet songs.
His leaves grew majestically,
The berries tasted so sweet,
The birds who ate them,
Devoured even the seeds.
The tree felt fulfilled,
He had found his place,
And though he still feared the future,
And change,
He believed everything would be okay.

Inside I cry
behind steel eyes.
Against the wind
I feel that I
am all alone,
am all alone,
am all alone…
Goodbye

I always say I feel free
when no one knows my name.
But after a year here, it gets old.
Now I say summers for love.
Love for the vinyl on my turntable,
for silent nights,
for frolicking in fields of grass,
for hair flowing in the wind,
and for myself.
I’ll head into summer alone
and find happiness alone.

In the blistering Texas sun
metal rods will burn skin
and drops of sweat
will spoil bare vanilla perfume.
Friends will leave
while kids play in the street.
But who can grow without pain?
my heart will never allow me
to grow without it.

So when that final bell rings
marking the end of our time,
I’ll choose between staying
to watch strangers come and go,
love and leave, smile and forget
wishing that were me
hugging my friends farewell
or leave silently.
Letting the sway of my hips,
the rhythm of each step I take,
and the small smile on my lips
say my goodbye.
To trust summer's promise of freedom.

"Today I woke up like every morning,
the sea sounds angry at my window,
today I woke up longing to be loved.
But the wind only whispers emptiness,
and the waves embrace me with their cold.
Is love just a lost echo,
or a ship that has never sailed?"

I am having my very first heartbreak

Not the one gifted by my highschool sweetheart

Or crushes kissing someone else's,

Not to this extent they made me ache

faking my senses

To the point where I believe my existence is a mistake.


Who am i?


The person who i had to be to become more lovable,

More palatable

Their emotional punching bond,

mental spitting pond


Where am i?


within the vacuum of nothingness, bye,

I am swirling into the great rock bottom beyond,

Where my failures are calling me down to die,

But, Giving up my life to appease the devil can...not.


I am having my very first heartbreak

My parents don’t love me for who i really am

But for who they prefer me to wake

To the expense of my authentic self so i self harm

With an emotional and mental intake,

That keeps my realness locked up, so i  forsake

Because how can I enter this world without them behind my back?


Born to be ashamed, i am

Guilty of inadequacies so they request i parent them

Neglected, i abandon my inner child now orphaned

No place within to call home

Everywhere in my heart its cold, not warm

I crave this loss of love, I am ******!

So i lose my dignity to get as little love i can get, slam

i am having my first heartbreak

Because i am lame