they say the oceans blue but its black right now
in the dark, on the sand, looking out at the clouds

depression and drowning screaming out their full parts
lightning reveals where the ocean stops and the sky starts

and a random strike of light reminds me of what is true
but right now the oceans black and the sky is too

I wanted to model my life after a rainstorm:

To embody the excitement and freshness and screaming vitality
of a torrential rain on a hot summer day
To show off my clouds and shout out with thunder
My worries and sorrows, my failures and fears.
To laugh and cry and run and shriek
With windstorms and hailstorms and post-summer sleet.

But most of all,
I wanted to flash through people's lives like lightning
So, so bright and unexpected and beautiful and alive
That they held their breath and scanned the skies
For just one more crackle of energy and excitement
That makes them question their accepted lives.

If nothing else, I'll be petrichor
The soft, sweet reminder of new life to come.
That puts a smile on people's faces
As they, for once, stop, and breathe,
And remember that
They, too,
Are
Alive.

lightning is important.
                                                                                                                 age 4:
i watched you fall lifeless right in front of me,
the lightning and rain outside shines through the windows,
your eyes go black,
body completely still,
my oldest sister,
my second mother,
taken from me.

i cried, screamed, begged for you to come back.
no reply.

i stood as your body was taken away,
buried,
taken out of sight
for eternity.

                                                               ­                                                age 12:
torn apart.
it took 8 years to divide us,
but the strike of the lightning
cut layers deep,
it was permanent.

family is something that should be held sacred,
but it had been 8 years since we were a family.

now we would have to be two families.
                                                                ­                                               age 18:
i get a call.

drive through the rain and lightning,
only to see you were already gone.
another life in front of my eyes, taken.
another body that would soon leave my sight,
and never return.

My hero.
Dad,
i wish i knew,
i wish i had done more,
i wish i could stop wishing and just do it.

we all begged once again,
come back.
why.

Why.
                                                                ­                                                
                                                                ­                                                   now:
i watch the lightning outside my window,
the flash shows strength.

the strength you must show everyone,
you must use to protect everyone.

but when you live for everyone else
and everyone is gone,
who is left to live for.

you.
how do you learn to live for yourself,
you've never done this.

you have to try,
otherwise you won't be
living.

Watch the lighting:
imitate the strength,
the power,
the force,
the persistence,
nothing stands in the way.

you got this.