Check - work nine-to-five, eat, sleep, draw again.
Surviving the day, nothing more, c'est bien.

Or call - easy choice for the hand you were dealt.
Just settle for average; win, lose; both unfelt.

If you need to, just quit; to accept it, just fold.
Be resigned to your fate; easy just isn't bold.

If not, you might lose, see pain, heartbreak, and death.
Bracing for blows that will knock out your breath.

So you didn't call a bluff, didn't sees players who cheat?
Or they raised you too much, now you're feeling the heat.

And life may be a *****, she deals hands unfair.
She's the muscle who beats you; detached, doesn't care.

But here's the kicker, dear life's only tell -
There's so much more out there; fight right to the bell!

'Cuz quitting the game after one bad beat?
You'd risk every win, for fear of defeat?

Not even one pair? Means no partner for life?
No falling in love, no taking the dive.

I guess if you're scared, that's a dangerous risk
Probably not worth the bet.

No three of a kind? No partners in crime?
No best friends for life, no slowing down time?

I guess that you're busy, with your job, for your cheque.
Probably not worth the bet.

And no full house? Means no family to kiss...
No building your future, no dogs, and no kids?

I guess it's hard work to lay down those bricks;
Probably not worth the bet.

No royal flush? No laughter, no tears?
No joy and no sorrow, no fun and no fears?

I guess if the bad scares you more than the good,
Probably not worth the bet.

For you, at least, that all may be fact.
You'll hold back your gambles, buy-in if you're backed.

You save up your chips for just the right hand,
And don't see that they are all equally grand.

For life may be cruel, but she gives loans for chips,
So keep playing the game until your luck flips.

So, me? Hit me, life. I'll stick out my chin.  
In this game we're playing?
****, I'm all in.
Rain on windows
Is seeing something...
Hearing something...
Knowing it has happened...
But it doesn't touch you.

So how can you feel it?
Should you feel it
streak down your face?

Or is that just a hallucination?
Something you want to feel, but shouldn't?

For it is not a thing you want to be a part of.
But still, it's one you really just want
To trade, that is.
So they might take your place

In the chrysalism of detachment.
Chrysalism: the amniotic tranquility of being inside during a thunderstorm.
Happiness,
When born of denial,
Is a beautiful, beautiful mask;
For ignoring life's flaws is
the perfect illusion.
but
what happens
when you ignore gravity?
When you rise to the top of the world
Before you ever had a chance
to learn how to fly?
Do you ever wonder
if maybe
other people
feel
just a little more than you do
?

Vague thoughts
barely identifiable feelings
if I have any

Not depressed
not sad enough

Not unhappy
that would be too strong

Dysphoric, maybe

Distant, sure

But mostly just

not


quite


there
I thought they should see that my eyes are blue
And bloodshot and filled with pain.
For although I laugh and play a role,
My shadows, they hide but remain.


I thought they should see that my lips, they lie,
And say that I'm always ok.
For although I smile and say I'm fine,
I'm slowly fading away.


I thought they should see that my bones show through,
That I fixate and try not to gain.
For although I joke, I count and run.
It's driving me slowly insane.


I thought they should hear my cry for help,
See an illness I refuse to claim,
But they don't look; is it hidden that well?

I hope I'm too good at this game.
Why is it
So easy
To waste time?

Sometimes,
My life flashes by,
With red hearts and blue thumbs
Instead of real hearts and big hugs....

Because,
As much as I love you,
"I'm sorry girl, I just don't have time rn!!"



Why is it
So easy
To run away?

Sometimes,
I avoid the world
To ease my frustration.....

Because,
As much as I love you,
"That ***** girl, I can't help you rn!!"



Why is it
So easy
To be selfish?

Sometimes,
I do get tired
Of hearing your problems....

Because,
As much as I love you,
"*** my life is so brutal rn!!"



And why, why is it so hard
To put you first
When all I can think about is me?

Sometimes,
The Monster takes over,
And she just wants to be heard....

Because,
As much as I love you,
Sometimes I don't

put enough effort in,  that is!

I'm sorry I've been so out of it!
What were you saying?!
I am sorry.. I didn't mean to interrupt...
...Go on?

                                              ~ A.L.

— The End —