Tear stains through my makeup...
To wake up like this
isn't bliss, it's torture!
on the border line of insanity
Couldn't care less about your vanity
In this moment
I am broken
Broke in two
Broke into my love bank
Empty tank. Sad case.
No love for a fool
For a tool... is what I'm mistaken for
So I lure
forward
Watch my dear
You watch my rear
as I walk away
You will NEVER get another taste
Of me
Delightfully
I'm not afraid
I've played
this game for waaaay to long..
And as time ticks
My mind slips
Into an abyss
And it's tragic
To let go of this
Through your finger tips
I continue to slip
So far down.....
Out of town.
Out of sight.
Right, out of my mind.
Behind this glass of protection
No special detection
of harm needed
The fear was seeded
When you deceived me
no more crying
You stoped trying
So forget tears
I'm a warrior
And you're even sorrier than I expected
I don't regret this
But I AM done!
Like grapes in California sun,
Bouts of drought in the west,
I wish you the best... in life
This is no might
To my delight
I know you can tell
After all of this hell
I'll sail...
Baby this is farewell.

I can recall the first moment I knew I fell for you, that very moment where the war was over
and my mind died down, letting all common sense and instinct loose
When my heart stood atop a heap of a dead minded girl, who cared for nothing but the lips of a dead minded boy
I had to be cautious with how many times I told you I wanted you
I was careful with how many times I let you into my  secrecy
  

For a while, I pondered on the infinite thought of us becoming so much more,
not just a star in the sky, but the whole galaxy
that I would no longer be just your flower, but the gates to your garden
and perhaps, you would not just be my drop of water, but my whole sea
in hopes that I would sail your waves that flow in and out of your intriguing soul
The way you spoke, those numbingly sweet words,
“I never want to lose you, and I never plan on losing you, ever.”

it wasn't until then, that I had realized, that you never lost me
I lost you, and quite frankly, I don't intend on finding you, ever

-Chloe Aldecoa

If my words could paint you in colour
They'd portray no saint, nor scholar
I'd hazard to say
That to paint you this way
Would do you and I no favours
I'll savour- the best of you always
And all your little ways
In all your raggedy, shaggedy
Scrawny glory
Charmless charming, harmless
How you could tell a good story
All the while
That cheeky smile
Broadens wide
Up mostly the left side of your face
At the insulting joke you just cracked
Humour was one thing you never lacked
That scruffy beard that
You'd shave once a year
It was rare you'd be seen
All trimmed and pristine
Your footie shirts all bright and baggy
Hang loose on thin frame- all saggy
I'm always reminded
Of your pose when confounded
Skinny shoulders shrugged up pinned up
to your jaw line
That bottom lip pouted out, image burned in my mind

When was the first time
You stood on the sideline
And ignited unmatched passion?
Flaming crazed enthusiasm
Your supreme love for that game
An infatuation that bordered on insane!
You could have every detail memorised
You could recount, recite and itemise
Every player, every score, you knew it all
My word did you love football!

You loved animals too,
The farmer’s life would’ve suited you
Wish you could go back and stay
Somewhere you could drive tractors all day


It was easy to lose sight of you
Both you and I sometimes lost you from view
Now I won't let go of you ever
But we must let go of guilt forever
Remember good times we shared
Times we both showed we cared
Your good heart was easy to find
When you were clear in mind
The imprint you've left on my soul
Makes me a better me, makes whole
My life now has a hole that I cannot fill
But my heart always had you
And always will

I sense and ending in the air;

And yet not clearly defined, but it's there.

Never came close to to closeness, for my fragments of reality shower my shattering heart.... How can this be right, dreams like melting ice within my mind.

How do I hold on?

Yet-

How do I let go?

I'm a man in a boat, I am sailing a new sea
I have found myself here, with the new born
staring at me like I was some tree
the trees that grow in the forest my dear
see how they blow in the wind for you,
and they will always blow for you, my dear.

She looks at me with hopeful eyes
as the storm passes and smiles, then -
that cry rings out one final time
the final time I hear it,
as I pass onto somewhere new
with a silent grin etched upon my
face, she is the hopes of all our sons
the daughter of reality reborn
to sail in the ocean with her own oars.

A free Europe, a free world.

I miss you more than ever
My best friend
The one who long before you kissed me
Knew me
You cared for me
And loved me
You were my family
When I was all alone
And my home
When I needed a roof
You were my friend
When I did not ask
And my favorite person
Without any effort
Whose opinion was important to me
Whose words rarely bore me
Who motivated and cheered for me
Who promised you would love me
And promised never to leave me
Promised never to hurt me
And whom I didn't want to trust
Like that
But you knew me
I knew you
Loving you came easy
You were my person
You kissed me like you meant it
And oh, you meant it
That first kiss
Thinking about it gives me chills
Years of friendship
Of loyalty and respect
Comfort and confusion
Surprise and wonder
Releasing between our lips
You became more my person
Than I knew one to be
I miss our late night talks
About everything and nothing
Your hugs and your touch
And your smile
Your warmth in the winter
And in summer knowing you were close
I miss waking up to your kisses
And your arm finding its way to me in your sleep
Your sweet texts when I least expected
And using less sugar in sweet tea
You knew me
My pillar
My soulmate
My ever after
But can that ever last
That wonderful, beautiful
Love founded on friendship
From day one until it lasted
Until it stopped lasting
Six years of friendship
Two years as lovers
And then a version of you
Just like that
Emerged
Overnight
I was no longer your love
Your passion,  priority or joy
You pushed me and raised your voice
No longer a place for me
Not in your soul
Now your soulless body
Masked with cigarettes and beer
Fake friends and mean words
How do I know someone so well
Love so deep
Turn into my worst nightmare
Yet
I miss you more than ever
The man you used to be
The man you were to me

A gentle push
Towards the harsh terrain below
Is all I need
To let this go
Love was never the question
Being alone is the answer
I was not afraid
Of this crippling disaster
We thought it was love
But I'm sure it's loneliness
Just push me out
Of this poorly built nest

the day that i've been dreading
has come
you've moved on
you're really gone

i've had time to heal
I've never been sure about how i'd feel
to see you tell someone else
you love them

maybe it'd sting less if
two weeks ago you
didn't tell me too
how you do still
and always will

bittersweet
now I know i'm free
i don't have to feel bad anymore
but i'll always know, in my core
i wanted it to be us