(I snuck out of the house yesterday.)

Quietly,
Don’t make a sound.
Shh.

The window holds my reflection in it,
It tells me,
“Don’t do this.”
“This isn’t you.”

I ignore the pleas.
I unlatch the bars,
And lift the window open.
It squeaks.

Be quiet.
Don’t make a sound.

I pull the screen up along with the window,
I squeeze through the opening.
This is it.

I feel the grass under my feet,
Freshly misted with dew.
The crickets chirp,
“What are you doing?”

I continue on.

I run through the grass,
Leaving footprints behind as evidence.

My feet hit the pavement.
Rocks digging into skin.
The night renders me blind.

The moonlight shines down on me,
“Where are you going?”

I reply,
“To see my love.”

I’m half way down the street.
I feel you there with me.
I feel you warm right there.

The dogs caged in the neighbors yard howl,
“Turn back! You shouldn’t do this.”

I look at them,
With finger over lips.
Don’t make a sound.

I reach a slow.
Legs burning, out of breath.

A car slowly hums behind me.

I get in.

The seat hot against my thighs.

“Buckle up.”

I comply.
The engine turns over,
And everything that was forward is now behind.

We pull into an abandoned parking lot—
You know, the one by the 66 Diner.

The car stops.
Seats creaking,
You turn to me.

Windows fogged,
With your tongue pressed to the inside of my cheek.

Car dark,
With my tongue pressed to the inside of your teeth.

Quick,
Be quiet.

I have to be back by dawn—
No one can know that I left.

‘Till then.
The night is ours, Chase.

I hate the saying, "Baby's Mama."
It's so ******. As I drifted off to
sleep last night, crocked on a plethora of
pills, and the remnants of *****, I thought
to myself, She's a little bluebird that
burrowed in my heart.
I laughed and slobbered, and drifted
into the warm fuzzy black.

She's intuitive, she asked me to let
the nurse know that her and the kids were
coming so that there would be a smooth
transition with staff. Hospitals can be
peculiar when it comes to visitation with children.

So she asked me how I wanted to refer to her.
She's the Mother of my 2-year old
daughter, and she has a 10-year old boy
that I have been around for 6 years.
He's like my own son, but 'technically,  he's not.
I don't want to offend anyone. It's all so
******* complicated. I could say, "This is Bonnie,
I'm Clyde, and this is our gang." They probably
wouldn't laugh. I feel very comfortable saying,
"These are our kids, and this is their Mom"

If the kids weren't in ear-shot and I felt
like a rapscallion, I might say,"This is a woman
that I used to love and **** a lot! Finally we had
our daughter- WOW- AMAZING! ! !
The boy came along before I met her, but I love him
like my own son- always and forever."

Anyway, this is my daughter, and my son, and a woman that I used to
love and **** a lot, also, a fantastic Mother, and when
I'm twacked out d-toxing- drifting off to sleep, and
laughing about what to call her, I might just call her
my little bluebird, that burrows in my heart.

What I see sickens me
Judged on size
It feels unfair
Skin color, gender,
Ones not as good me
it's so sad to see
Even though this I don't believe
Speak up, no one listens
Your just a kid
What I see, think, feel
Doesn't matter
On no I'm mad
I'm shattered
This isn't how I thought the world was
In one month my view is ruined

i just have to deal with something
i just have to deal with something
my father would tell me as a child
then he was gone for hours

like sun in the night he had vanished
he used to go away every evening
while years were melting
and he always did the same:

my father would play the piano
my father would play the guitar
my father would sing and drink
my father would meet a woman

years were melting and i grew up
an hour here, two hours there
peng, now you're eighteen
a delinquent without a role-model

zoom, how fast time had passed by
rivers of oblivion in my father's eyes
he looked at me like looking into a mirror
he talked to me and only talked about himself

my father never really raised me
i am a lion you know, i have to be strong
feel me or not; go away or stay; be hetero or gay
nothing of it matters: i am my own daddy

fatherhood is a matter of interpretation
each father is flawless and full of flaws
my father was absent and never tried to stay
now i am a father, struggling with my demons

A tap on my left shoulder
I am roused from my sleep
I turn and see my daughter
Who's been dead 3 years last week

She pulls me from my slumber
Humming broken lullabies
"Where're we going, dear?"
"Hush, it's a surprise"

She brings me to the subway
Down abandoned tracks
Graffitied walls like bathroom stalls
It's too late to turn back

She stops me in a room
Where people stand in wait
Silence presses in on the ceiling
Words that can't escape

My daughter sits on the tracks
And beckons me to as well
The people engrave words on brick
Like they're under a sort of spell

"Watch as it spreads"
She said in a hushed tone
I was about to ask what she meant
But then I felt it in my bones

The silence of the elders
Crashed through my throat and lungs
I felt the air thicken
Acid burned my tongue

Darkness pressed around me
A suffocating mass
I could not make a noise
She laid me on the tracks

It was all dimly familiar
The rumble without noise
The ghosts gathered around me
It was time to make a choice

Fools, I tried to say
But I choked on my own air
A shudder swept my body
I closed my eyes in prayer

I woke up in my bed
Sore from head to toe
Shaking from the recollection
Of what happened so long ago

I was the moon
      and you the earth.

Our children the oceans,
  ebbing and flowing between us.

We are the gravity of there actions.

  Teaching that every crest
will always collect on
                grains of knowledge.

When I think of my kids now,
I so much want to say things
that I know I won't,
like, please for your protection,
try not to feel too much.
If you can't help it,
you may find that
life comes at you like
a left hook...a broken doll,
a rotten tooth.
I'm sorry I failed you,
I would trade it all,
everything I own or ever
could possess, for your smiles,
and deep true laughter.
May you never know brutality
or ferocious things.
I'd rather you get
dog bit than hope and
feel heart sickness.
Find someone who holds
you tight and
doesn't let go.
The woods do in a pinch,
but they can't touch
you with flesh wrapped
bones that cherish your hearts.

My poor kids,
your crazy father loved you the
best he could.
Don't ever let anyone
**** your light;
always hold on;
there is beauty in the ride,
often too much.
You might feel like
a stranger or an alien,
it's supposed to be like that.
Often it feels like
a lump in your
throat that won't go down.

Wear sunglasses, they
help with the glare...the sharpness,
and remember,
some flowers are edible.

Tik tok ... tik tok
Take a glimpse at the clock
It is turning eight
We can't wait
For the story in the book

Tik tok .... tik tok
Clean up toys like a rock
put this here
Put this there
Clean up the room everywhere

Tik tok ... tik tok
Bath time with some soap
Wash your hand
Wash your leg
Wash the day off your neck

Tik tok ... tik tok
Bed is warm and so soft
Close your eyes
Dream so nice
Tomorrow comes shine and rise

He liked pringles.
So she thought that it would go
Straight to his heart.