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K Balachandran Apr 2019
mind is a wound scroll,
unwinding won't reveal it;
inward journey could!
Esther L Krenzin Jan 2019
Remember that have to nurture your own light
before it can shine
Even if you are empty
even if there is no one to hold your hand
You'll find that a different kind of strength
comes from what you go through
alone.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
You are strong. You are brave. You are here. It will be over soon.
Hold yourself until the tears dry.
Hold yourself until you feel your soul gain some of the weight
it lost.
Esther L Krenzin Apr 2019
I have been unmade and made anew
bolts loose, screws askew
metal stitches holding jagged words abrew
Light a match, no make it two
don't smile at me
I know its true
don't construe my issue
with you
respects not owed and its not due
don't feed me lies
my trust you blew
spooned shards of glass
masked subterfuge.

Don't cast me out
don't look away
I'm a stowaway
renegade
castaway
what makes you think I will obey?
I know the face that I portray
like I'm asking to be betrayed
but cut some slack, bits of leeway
I'll scrounge for scraps
don't make me pay
you cut my tongue, I won't soothsay
the odds for me will soon outweigh
just watch I'll drop this masquerade
and I'll cutaway
to counterweigh
this disarray
replay
this wordplay
display of
swordplay
'cause I'm a stowaway
renegade
castaway

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
Toxic yeti Mar 2019
As I tell my story
Of my stigma
And of my past
I release
The squirrels
Out of my head
And into the Wild.  



Where they belong.
Lake Mar 2019
i was sitting in the dark
just waiting for a spark
scrolling through my phone
asking if there's someone home
it's real empty up there
it's all air down here
they don't care about fears
they just stay and chill
they just want a thrill

i've been losing my mind
i've been wasting my time
i've been lying for awhile
i've been faking several smiles
i've been worked up over nothing
i've been craving for some loving
but i know i'll never get it
i know i won't forget it
while i'm alive
while i survive

i was looking through my scrapbook
never really liked how my cap looked
the faces they have faded through the years
yet i can still hear my peers sneer
a disappointment and i know it
afraid of choices and i show it
i don't know how to be okay
what do you all want me to say
i know you're watching, watching
my ship's sinking and i'm the ******* captain
so hold on fellas and don't let go
it's about to be one hell of a show

i've been losing my mind
i've been wasting my time
i've been lying for awhile
i've been faking several smiles
i've been worked up over nothing
i've been craving for some loving
but i know i'll never get it
i know i won't forget it
while i'm alive
while i survive

i think it's fine
i just need 8 hours or 9
some shut-eye will do me good
but right now i don't think i would
got too much on my mind
but i'm fine

i've been losing my mind
i've been wasting my time
i've been lying for awhile
i've been faking several smiles
i've been worked up over nothing
i've been craving for some loving
but i know i'll never get it
i know i won't forget it
that's if i stay alive
that's if it's not a lie
Toxic yeti Mar 2019
As I look in
The mirror
I don’t see a 30 year old
Curvy woman
Instead
I see the 13 year old
Mad coroner
Who was skinny
No use
But to **** friendships.
What should I do.
Caitie Mar 2019
Where are you
And why haven’t I seen you in weeks?
Where are you
And your toxic nature?
I miss you sinking into my skin.
Its a seemingly impossible proportion
I’ve taken upon myself
And the stars aren’t aligned for me
So tell me why I do the things I do
When you’re around.
This is what happens
When I think about you
This is what happens
When the waves are at high tide
And full force
Ready to submerge anything in their path.
Because all I do is crumble
Because the thoughts of you are so
Intrusive.
You’ve nestled between my skin
You’ve dug yourself a path
In what I thought
Was the utmost private of
All the passageways of my being.
I’ve never told you that I was scared.
I’ve never told you how I’m wrecked.
I’ve never told you I’m in shambles
Over someone who isn’t broken over me
I’m terrified of what ill do
Once you’re gone.
But maybe I’ll be free
Maybe I’ll thrive.
I was young
But this love has made me age
Beyond my years.
And I don’t know
If I’ll ever get back to a place
Where I learn to love myself.
Everything you’ve said
Will stay with me forever.
Never forget what you’ve done
And how conflicted you’ve left me
With myself.
My heart was never meant for this. 
I don’t like this.
But this is all I’ve ever known
And I can’t make new memories
With a life I don’t know how to live.
So, tell me.
Where are you?
Where am I?
When I’m lost inside my own mind.
Sorry this is so lengthy. Just been battling myself for quite awhile now.
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