"Just be there"
but what do you mean?
"Be there" as in
"Come and bathe in my sorrows,
give up your existence
and drown with me?"
or "Be There" as in
"Believe my lies,
don't question if I'm really alright
and let's both fake it out?"

Because I really cannot
"be there" the way you'd want me to,
I really cannot vanish for you,
I really cannot wish for you to be gone,
that's just not how "being there" is done.

I'm sorry that some have
been cruel and shameless
and planted thorns in your skin,
I'm sorry you do not know
where self hate ends,
and self love begins,
but do not cut the hands
of those who always try
to lift you up;
you can't be surprised
when everyone gives up.
**Enough is enough.

i wonder if the stains on your sheets remember me
i wonder if the cells that make up the skin covering your soft lips died into thin cracked dust, because they couldn't rejoice with mine again
i wonder if the strands of your silky blonde hair fell off your head from the lost heat my hands used to provide them
i wonder if your eyes permanently dimmed once i left, because i was once their light
i wonder if your heart shivers knowing the fire in it has burned out
i wonder if your body remembers love
i wonder if what we had even was love
i wonder
i wonder
i wonder
but i will never know

Have I turned it around?
Am I doing it, too?
I'm afraid.
I don't want that.
I can't do that.
I can't lose them.
I need help.

Aren't the media sincere?
Full of crocodile tears,
Do you trust them, my dears?
Patterns over the years,
Ghouls with body bags here,
Phony crocodile tears,
Really, really sincere,
Guess that's the media, dears!

How was I in my prime
was I sublime or merely sub
did I impress or distress
in my mumbling fumbling way
did I go the extra mile
tell me why do you smile.

How could I move forward after this?
How could I stop dreading solitude because your face haunts me?
How could I ignore the waves of pain that make me want to flee?
How could I ever crawl out from this black abyss?

How could the sun come out every day, as if nothing happened?
How could the stars shine bright as ever, without you here?
How could the colors of the world not have disappeared?
How could the house stand just like before after it was abandoned?

How could you go without saying goodbye?
How could you say you’d be the winner?
How could you bring to us this perpetual winter?
How could you promised you would not die?

And yet it happens and it happened

Congrats to you, because you did the impossible.
You made me feel like you were unstoppable.
Charming me, loving me, throwing your love around,
And little by little I was slowly getting bound
to you, and your antics,
To you, and your tactics.
I fell, oh! I fell so hard for you,
Thinking that you would come through.
But as I was falling and falling closer to the dirt,
my body landed on the ground and all I felt was hurt.
You weren't there to catch me,
Were you even there to watch me?
Or did I fall blindly believing in destiny,
It's now while I'm bleeding on the ground that I see,
The truth, which is that I am a fool,
For ever believing that you would catch me too.

So Congrats to you, you did the impossible,
You made me believe you were unstoppable.
You made me fall, and that was your goal,
You didn't catch me and I'll forever be stuck in this black hole.