I sought out just what I've become

Numb to trepidation, apposed to emotions
I choke on sensations, opening to oceans
Of blood soaked remnants I can't fathom
Begin to comprehend, or otherwise justify
To myself

And It's square on my shoulders

If I like it or not

Sating my lust for life, finding out how
To revel in spite, in spite of myself, honestly
Grating, the thoughts that haunt me through
Sleepless hours and all the mindless rambling I do
To myself

I wanted to change, and I did

I did change

Bought at the current rate
Life condensed to a price
I wanted everyone to pay
Besides me. Never me

I thought it free, until someone came around with
The promise that they'd take it all away

Breaking ground, like the words I said
What I say in my day to day
Breaking ground, foray into something
I'd call a grave mistake

Try to justify it, screaming at the sky
Trying hard to hide what I swear I left behind
Blame it on society. A scapegoat that never falters
Hurdles that I prayed would change, and yet
They never falter
So, I blame it on you, and then you blame it on me

I blame it on myself

...

I blame myself.

What it always comes down to

And I turned into what I had always planned to turn into
Go figure.

Your kind of love cripples me
I am weak,
I am sad,
I feel hopeless
You make me feel like raggedy Ann
Red braids and strips stocking
Cherry lips with white and blue smocking
A fabulous smile with twinkly eyes
I am flawless today
However, tomorrow I will be worthless
I am emotionally abuse
By the master of deception
Mr. Lover

You ask me why I don’t talk to you,
You always ask me why I don’t trust you
You always ask me why I’m never around.
Why should I trust someone
Who always puts me down?
Why should I talk to someone
Who doesn’t care?
Why should I be around someone
Who never believed in me?
It’s your own fault for the relationship we have now,
You never cared about me
You never noticed the things I would do
You never saw how I vied for your attention
You ask me how I ended up like this
You ask me why I put myself down,
Do you not remember those words YOU spit at me?
Do you not remember YOU always discouraged me?
Do you not remember how YOU hurt me?
I’ve been told,
Since I’ve been young,
That I won’t be anything.
Don’t you think that sticks?
The words thrown at me,
For years,
“You can’t be creative”
“You won’t be anything great”
“Your dreams are unattainable”
“You’re hopeless”
These words might seem like nothing,
But they impacted me.
I have so little self-confidence,
That I won’t even TRY to be better.
I resigned myself to be nothing
To be a nobody,
To just fit in,
All because you couldn’t praise me,
You didn’t help
You didn’t ever say anything nice,
You just destroyed my dreams,
So my failure,
Is on you.

When will this day succeed
Apparent and clear
The universe has its ways
The path long and dark
Light barely comes through
Even a little glare helps...
A hint of hope takes over
Riding in the wind
Yesterday was a breeze
To fall through the cracks again
Time is precious
No on ever knows when our time nears
The end is never apparent
Riding in the wind...

He’s my poem, I’m his song. Together, we’re one another’s story.