The pain has begun to burn a hole straight through my chest,
It stings and sizzles as I try to smile, slowly crushing whatever’s left of this thing I call my heart.
The Waves of darkness that wash over me  cause this frail body to shut down, and exhaustion sets in, with the strong girl I once was long gone theres no chance for me anyway.
So please just let the wind sweep away my ashes, and let me finally be what i’ve always wanted to be...

Free.

there is an insistent pressure on
my back as i take
one step,
then two,
then three.
then for as long as i can
remember it is my thighs that
give away, it is not the
breathless touch of a hesitant
lover but it is the teeth
marks from left over
bottle caps at the foot of the
bed in my room.
then it is my toes,
they flex and dance
and sometimes they whisper
on the blinding white
tiles on my bathroom floor

it is 4am
and i am awake.

An open door
Green of day steeps into a grassy aroma
A familial air whizzing through shared city streets

The papers greet a house down the block and
I can't help but wonder if the news
Has reached them yet:

--The earth is wilting and
It will rain today--

I board the 91
Coffee buzzing in my lungs

--The house we've built is wilting and
Wigged men are lining us up--

A workingwoman sits behind me
A toddler bumbling about her lap
She looks past me, but I answer anyway:

"The people are wilting and
Time is sitting still"

--
c

"The world needs more hopeless romantics."
What does it mean to be a hopeless romantic?
It means my heart breaks when the person I adore chooses another.
I fall hard and fast for those who may not feel the same.
I would climb mountains for my partner, while they might walk all over me.
It means I write poetry for those who will never know.
I love the person I am with, and care for them until they leave me.
I pour my heart into my lovers.
Everyone who uses the phrase hopeless romantic seems to forget the most important part of the term.
Hopeless
Being this way is lonely and soul crushing.
Hopeless yet never ceasing my search.

I? A Heroine? You care about the end?
A nice story to encourage children for life!
While I wade through a swamp of thoughts
ugly, muddy, smelling of death trolls underneath.
I do doubt if there is an end at all.
I do doubt each temporary sense of joy.
I call them clever decoys, set by time
And time to fool us all like a group
of chickens fluttering wings for food.
yes, darling! All heroines passed the road
put an end, bold as brass, daring as a dagger
but I,baby-like, stumble and stagger
This isn't fair, and fair is not the point.
Let the pain crumble each muscle and joint.
But life! oh life plays her cards close to her chest!
And knows how to make disorder manifest.

It's there again
The feeling of rejection planted inside my heart
I feel it growing bigger and bigger with every passing day
                       like a tree
     the roots are tearing me apart
it hurts not only emotionally but physically too
and it's all happening just because of you

          Filling my lungs with dust
         I can't breathe, I can't speak
Despite the torture my eyes are still filled with hopeless lust

     Now I am covered up with leaves    
The branches are slowly suffocating me
           Pinning me to the ground
                I need to get back up
           I need to escape somehow
      What if this feeling never leaves?

But the lovebirds turned into ravens and heart warmth into heartbreak. The pain felt inexplicable as I crumbled to the floor, face scrunching up to let out a gasp through the heart-wrenching sobs. It was as though someone ripped my heart out of my chest and bore a hole in my mind and soul with no hopes of repair.The future we painted was tinted and washed with the tears that scraped my cheek, that once used to blush. Our love didn’t have a Disney proof happy ending or of the star-crossed lovers that fought by one another’s side.
Visiting areas where we spent time dragged me through memories, attacking my nerves and ravaging upon what was left of my being. The home we built and leveled with intimacy, trust and love reduced to ruins, crumbling and collapsing. It’s like my heart is dying a slow death, shedding hope like leaves every day until there is none. Our love sailed for some time but only to end up shipwrecked. Fragile like the glass that awaited to broken until the shards fit no more.
Defeaned by the repetition of the melancholiac rhythms that soothe my spasming and scorched heart as the beat resonates with my heart and lyrics echoes in my skull. The wound that was cut bleeds deep for there was no scab to heal; endless anguish and agony. The pain felt like a constant ache, a constant stain on the floor and the pillow. But then it came in waves, crashing and enveloping me in its depths, stealing appetite and sleep. Drifting away from the shore where the people lie, I find myself drowning in isolation. Inhaling the heaviness that made me one with the sea.
The echoes of your words in my skull send pulsating self-doubt questions that make me question my worth. “Was he not the one?”. The world seems like it’s going to end and that I will never find love. But instead live with a heart yearning your name and the broken, hollow vessel that I have become.
You changed the way I thought of myself and now I don’t know who I am without you. The world seems to ripped from my arms for I didn’t have you to turn to. No one to catch me; to caress and to soothe. Your face is engraved in my memory, without you, everything seems meaningless. Saturating myself further in dreaded apathy. In a shattered state, I am further tortured in dreams if I were to find sleep in the darkness that consumes the night.
Plastered on a smile and laugh occasionally, when deep down I am longing, drowning and gasping to breathe with your name on my tongue.I mourn the unspoken words while my head hangs heavy in the thought of you, every fiber and cell missing you.