There is a shadow
over the world these days.
Maybe it's been there for a while,
it just took time to notice.

The flinching gazes of friends
nervous like grazing deer
in the open. Exposed,
like fraguile things
no longer confident.
Humanity seem to realize
how young we are.

The guns are loaded.

The blood is real

3
2
1

We are not ready.

And here it comes.

Wish upon wish
Of a simple day to reserve
A stringent care, to enliven a mission
To decency's stare, the tone of a voice I share, worth's...

Places and names, thought's and conditions
Today, I have seen a callous approach
Since to fame, and a family of just renditions
Of a palpable song, I know by heart and hosts

Sanity's feather
Loved by loan and lore to signify
A rational deed, a promise to air the most, another
Call to a beauty's wish, mine to live and begin a worth's sigh?

Forces may mix and mingle, even make the time of day
A wholesome vestige, sights that calm a reason
Of comparison, might over the tale of visions may
Being a careful lip, in the world of shared seasons...

My nap, my hap
Is a legendary conversation with all of a kind
Seldom in passion, but given the stand of notoriety, under my cap
Heed is a longing taken to understate the silence, I mind

Awakening, I see the seasons become like fruit
Tentative to the distance, and the mayhem of need
Spare and special, the liberty of clashes, to know a decision to suit
Wishes are like these, a character of privilege with how to lead...

An angel's wish for better possibility's...
A care of work's in loves embrace, as if a can't of sincerity is hope
A legend of solace that has the causes of youth, for a wield of civility
And the futures presence of mind, that will with the ought I chose

Patience
And the entourage of absolution I will know, is mine
Ends of worth set to winds of change, and the new fate of reliance
Which with sense as our guide, has asked, is when to become ours for time?

Have you ever almost drowned?

When I was a 4” 6 year old, I tried to go in the 5” side of the pool. Mind you, I couldn't swim. I held on to the side of the pool until I decided it'd be best to push myself away from the edge.
I immediately began drowning.
It was terrifying at first. I quickly started flailing my arms, trying to get myself back to the edge. Why did it seem so far away all of a sudden?
My lungs gasped for air but were met with water, not exactly the next best thing. Let me tell you, breathing in water hurts like a b*tch.
At some point, it stopped hurting though. I don't know if I was close to unconsciousness or if I just accepted my fate for a couple of seconds but after that burning feeling, I felt a moment of bliss.
That was until I touched the bottom of the pool with my feet and my survival instincts kicked in as I pushed myself up to the surface and back to the edge.

I never forgot that feeling of breathing in water.

In class yesterday, I went to answer a question but I couldn't.
My best friend and I got in a fight and I couldn't find it in me to defend myself.
My dog whines and begs for me to do something with him. Anything but sit there.
These moments seem random but they all have one thing in common.
Every single moment was a time when I felt that feeling of breathing water when there was no water in sight. Each time, worse than the last. Each time, the floor is farther and farther away.

Have you ever almost drowned?
It happens to me every single day.

My boyfriend asked me what did I want to eat

It is not funny and I’m not trying to make a relatable meme

For me, deciding whether I’d like ice cream or cake is a task I sort of fear

Anxiety is not nice to you when you need to decide where to go to get dinner.

You see, I need to evaluate certain specific particular things

Such as the distance to the place in kilometres or feet
I might feel like drinking tea but isn’t the weather too hot? I don’t know you tell me,
I prefer if you chose, but wait should I keep it low on calories?
The price is okay for you? I don’t know how much that burger exactly costs.
Maybe we should go somewhere we know, or should we try something new?

Wether is showering in the morning or at night,
Wether is choosing what words to use in WhatsApp,
Wether is having breakfast or skipping to lunch,
Wether is drinking on a week day or spending the night,

Anxiety is not nice to you when you need to decide how to live the small things in your day to day life.

there is an insistent pressure on
my back as i take
one step,
then two,
then three.
then for as long as i can
remember it is my thighs that
give away, it is not the
breathless touch of a hesitant
lover but it is the teeth
marks from left over
bottle caps at the foot of the
bed in my room.
then it is my toes,
they flex and dance
and sometimes they whisper
on the blinding white
tiles on my bathroom floor

it is 4am
and i am awake.

Someday,
my hands will be full
of callouses,

old
with wrinkles,
like ripples
in time.

The skin
will flake and dry,
and I
will give thanks
as I sleep.

Someday.

If ending life was the flick of a switch
If it had no pain, if it wasn't a *****
My life would be over, my life would be done
My life would be finished, forever gone
I'm killing myself, with the thoughts that run through
I'm forgetting who I am, no matter the path I choose
I love my life, nothing is wrong
Welcome to anxiety, its a different planet we live on