Can immortality be found in a cup?
I long to  partake with you.
In your immortality--

You leave as I leave your cup.
             Leave me inside the cup
             Mouth your prayers
             Cover the lid, a boulder, cavernous sun.

Distance measures itself,
As the circle is to your cup,
While I stare, beseeching

At the wind turning you  into dust
Her ritual is done. It is done.
His body-- the body of her son.
The wind lifts her hands to offer you.

                       The sun bares his teeth.

Sipping in your cup, then came an epiphany--
I am who am.
I: the carnivorous sun.

The wisdom of God has always wanted big things to come in small packages.
And like grace in unlikely places,
so is the story of a child.
In us (children), God shares His experiences with Humanity (patience, love, discipline, leadership, etc). Its a practical class.
For In our heart is the possibility of Heaven
And like us are those who live there.
We are the glory of God concealed and it is your honor to find us out.
We are the heritage from the Lord, a weapon of defense,  and a great company for comfort.
The most blessings of any family is hidden in us, by God.
Like an arrow in The hands of the mighty,
the one who shoots us, as directed by God will never miss his target.
We come into your lives, you love us, we grow, we learn, and we love you back.
We are that godly seeds the great husband man searches for.

And still I wonder at the feet of some strange Phantom Other
of all the crucifixes and hymnals I misplaced over all the years
Hands unknowingly raised I found myself in the midst of an embrace I was so firmly braced against
I set myself also against you
But is it odd that I see it hovering over you too?
I hope you feel it too.
And all the mistakes I made I keep quiet in the back of my pocket
To use as reasoning against all the ways I could ever let someone close again
When all I want is for someone to burst in and tell me I was worth it all in the end
Self loathing embedded into me like some cultural progression of an unholy procession of higher self
But all I ever wanted was to be one with myself
Instead of hating my own skin
And still the holy ghost hangs over it all quietly watching and projecting pictures of all the people I'd come to love
Happy in their holy havens safe from everything I feared
Everything I feared that had been hiding in my skin
And the countless Sunday mornings I spent observing others fall out seem so distant now when I'm finding church in my bathroom alone
Safe from sanity safe from my darker self
In this is the only purity I will know
May I never be as the winter snow
And it's taken years for me to write in honesty of all the friends I've lost and of my personal heroes who have fallen
But it will take me many more to portray my 40 days of wandering in the house of the lord
Because 40 became 60 and 60 stretches on until I find my footing again
And know the Phantom Other as friend
And learn to let the light fully in
Because I know that you know that I am not too far gone
I'm just learning to move on.

What is it with some men?
Is this what those nuptials meant?
You are turned into his mother figure,
A holy cow, housework, meals, rigour,
Maybe there's no luck in love,
So much for wedding doves,
"I am not your mother!"  
I wished I yelled at another,
Maybe  I don't know how to train a man,
Maybe a manual should come in a can,
Then you could have twins in tins,
Fully formed, no ***** pins!
Maybe it is the male gender,
They really want a nanny for their benders,
Is this what those nuptials meant?
What is with some men?

My head was pounding
My body ached
I was a stumbling, mumbling wreck
I needed help
And badly
And decided, what the heck

I ventured to St. Peter's
to get warm from the snows
You see, I'm not really religious
and the truth, the church was close

I sat there in ****** silence
My head just throbbing silently
I didn't even notice the woman
Who slid in next to me

She nodded, and knelt down a bit
You could hear her when she rose
Her body racked with aches and pain
Like me, from head to toe

She smiled, started praying
I sat dead still, but listened in
It's not because I am religious
I wanted to hear her sin

She finished, rose and smiled
Lit a candle on her way
I smiled back through cloudiness
I didn't have that much to say

I figured I could try it,
I'm one for anything new
I mean, talking out to no one
What harm could my talk do

"Dear father, forgive me for my sin
Our father"... I tried to start
"Just say what's in your insides son
That's the best way for a start"

Behind me, sat the woman
I didn't hear her come on back
"He's listening for all you ask
He'll get you back on track"

I told her, I just came in
To get dry and get warm
She smiled, said "so, while you're here"
"tell your tale, wait out the storm"

I said it would be worthless
I was past the point of no return
I would not go up to heaven
I was going where you burn

She said "Everyone is worth redemption"
"Even though they do not think"
"They are still a child of Jesus"
"He'll return you from the brink"

I sat and talked for hours
Told her all about my woes
She got up twice, lit more candles
I told her of my highs and lows

She said "regardless of your preference"
"God, won't ask your name"
"You do not need a reference"
"And you'll be really glad you came"

She told me how to start a prayer
To share my story with the Lord
I knelt, followed directions
I was really quite absorbed

I finished, rose and turned to her
There was now a man where she had sat
I asked him if he saw her
In her black scarf and blue hat

He said "The seat was empty"
"I saw no lady there"
I said "a little lady"
"with black and silver hair"

He smiled, said "come this way"
He took me out into the hall
And there I saw her picture
In a frame upon the wall

"She died so many years ago"
"She died of well, a broken heart"
"Her son's died in the Great War"
"It tore her soul apart"

"But I saw her, she was talking"
"She taught me how to pray"
"She was as close to me as I to you"
"She taught me what to say"

He said "son, she's no longer here"
"she's the one who comes the most"
"she finds souls who need redemption"
"She's our church's holy ghost"

I thanked him, head still reeling
I would have to think on this a while
But, as I left, I took one more look
And I'm sure I saw her smile.

When the storms rage in my head
When I'm drowning in my dread
When I'm living like I'm dead
There you are

When I have no hand to hold
When I've lost sight of control
When I can't be strong or bold
There you are

And even though I see no sign above
I'm asking you to give me strength to trust

God you say that you're good
but everything I know
Seems so out of control

And I can't make sense
of where you are in all this mess
and all I feel is my distress

But you say you're here
Could I know you're here?

as the morning breeze wafts
over fragrant jasmine and bela

and the parakeets roost
in guava trees

and the slant of the mango tree
welcomes the sun on dewdrops

i hear the call to prayer and my heart supplicates
my body trembles and i kneel

my hands fold in prayer
my fingers run over the holy beads

and as my body surrenders
to words as old as time is told

i feel the rivulets of sweat down my back
my body continuing it’s dance of offering

and as i hear the raucous chatter of the birds
and the sounds of the house stirring

i give thanks for another morning
and give in to the pleasure of being

fender amps spread music around town
the music in your room is turned up loud
pop rock, indie or punk
suddenly your mood has sunk
a bottle of Jack Daniels and then your drunk
crying unknown to what you've done
listening to the words that are sung
understanding the feelings of Lynn Gunn