Alone
And yet I’m not
Cold
And yet I’m held
Empty
And yet I have love poured on me
Dark
But light shines on me
Closed
With so many doors I could open
Turned
When I have so many to face
Unsexed
But not devoid of lust
Unbroken
But not functioning
Silent
But bursting with words
Hollow
But still filled with flesh
(C) Ashley Kane FB

I dare you to peel away my skin,
dig in my flesh and pull me out
of this ******* shell I’m in.
Leave me raw and pink,
A sunburn from your soul,
that righteous light, the missing link.
Fill a hollow heart that doesn’t beat
but you’ll find in a corpse,
it just won’t keep

i knew that something was going to happen
because i could hear the bees swarming and
buzzing inside the hollow place in your chest
(which only you believed to be hollow)
there was a restless energy about you last august
you could see it and smell it and hear it
i even tasted it in that vegan pizza you made for us
i felt a push coming, and i was hoping that it
would finally move the negative thoughts and
feelings that clung to you like a shrouded mist
but it was me that you pushed away in the end,
with the might that you'd been building up for years
it was me, and i wish i'd realized that before
i gave whatever was left of me to you
praying that it would somehow be like a rope
you could grab on to, so i could save you from
the pit of your despair
but you never wanted saving
and you never told me that

A knife swims in the eery air
bursting down
smearing the few fawn
crooked'em crotales
springing drops of meltdown sun
God hollows
and shadow balloting follows

After suppressing pain and keeping tears at bay over a million times, you learn how to lean towards numbness all because being hollow is ultimately better than overflowing with mayhem.

At first, you try to convince yourself you’re numb. In the long run, you’d no longer be a novice in this game. You’d learn to walk amidst the flames.

But darling, this isn’t strength; this is me coping, lonesome and alone.

Darling, this isn’t strength; this is ignorance well-meant, this is appearing whole when deep inside I'm disintegrating, this is me trying not to fall apart in your presence because I don’t know if you’d have the guts, or the conscience, to pick broken pieces up knowing that the shards could very well hurt you too.

Darling, this isn’t strength, so don’t put your faith in an empty cause. Spare yourself and say goodbye, and I’d give you my last farewell.

I’d rather we make amends before we part ways rather than just breaking away without breaking even.

my heart races when i see you
my thoughts become a tornado
destroying any good that stands in its way
my body trembles and my hands shake
i lose all control at the idea that i might look into your eyes again
my stomach panics and turns itself into a knot
a knot that you created when you tried to turn my world upside down
why does my body get weak in your presence
why do you have this hold on my soul
i make all efforts to pry your hands off and away yet
they always find a way back to my insides
i am a spare tire, used once and left on the track
no longer a part of that bigger picture
you left me useless now
standing in the middle of your racetrack