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Lux Falls Jul 2019
Bones pierce through my toughened but weary flesh
Barbwire nerves tighten them together like twine around a Thanksgiving swine
But this isn’t a celebration or a one-off spectacle
This is what breathing is like
This is living.

Warmth is welts, sweat and tears.
Forbidden sleep, I cry and beg for relief.
I find solace in a cold bath
And pray for cooler weather.
The cold is screaming bones, stiff and keeping me drowned in bed.
Forbidden to move, I cry and beg for mercy.
I find solace in fire
And pray for warmer weather.

In the calm waters that all swim in, I am battling a rip
I wave for help,
Someone?
Anyone?
They wave back, happily, as if saying hello.
Keep treading water
Just keep going and good God, I think he’s still there
Watching me fight the urge to stop and drown, submerge myself and let it be.
All this time, I’ve been trying to get out of a bed, the bath, or my chair.

I have spared loved ones agony, friends have left.
There isn’t any fun watching a carcass decay on the side of the road
Magnesium is there for me now
Codeine and I catch up around once a week
I have dates with my shower
And a blanket that embraces me.

Get up now, enough of that
Put some pants on, it’s time to see Them.
Brush your hair, fight your fingers to tie it up.
Defy the grinding of your bones and walk out that door.

They will ask how you do you feel
What has happened since last week

Did you make it out your front door
Out of bed
How does that make you feel?
Did you go out last Saturday?
Did the torrent of anxiety swell up again
Another face
Same question
My problems are common

People your age don’t do this.

The bone-pierced meat is ripped again
Pulling away from my spine
Becoming tragic wings few can see.

The last coat is the one all see and notice and judge the most
Skin shrink-wrapped around my barbed-wire nerves and meaty flesh
Where touch is soft and electric
And scars are chapters of stories
Mine are charred onto my bones and tattooed onto my skin
It looks like others with soft hair, freckles and spots
Yet it has encased me in a tomb
Being showcased in the museum of life
And as everyone passes by
No one knows what’s going on
But really, no one wants to know.
My mouth is moving yet I am silent
But really, I’m screaming.
Lux Falls May 2019
In times like these
Words are threaded in a blanket of tension
Syllables counting hate
Out of rhythm with love
in the name of the divine
yet they would be appalled by us, I’m certain
Our land dies
The sky hates us
Get $2 off that burger
Pay your taxes
***** the *****
Cherish the female’s cells
Crucify a mother who can’t nourish her child
Love thy neighbour
Shoot your black brother
**** your Muslim sister
Charge your iPhone
Wonder about the land, gazing at the stars
crush the reef beneath your feet
Download the new update
Love your body
You are a narcissist
Share your body - uploaded
Shamed transferred, virus downloaded
Smile online
Cry offline
Like if you enjoyed this piece
Smiley face.
It's all ******* at the end of the day
Lux Falls Aug 2018
Sometimes the emptiness is the heaviest
The world feels numb
Like my connection to the world has long been disconnected
Like fingertips sanded away
Nerves sleeping
The only taste in my mouth is of the food eaten yesterday.

I live in a land of suspension
Swimming between worlds that don’t want me
Stuck as a nomad
a child of purgatory
Lux Falls Jun 2018
I went insane when I saw you
My mind let the constraints of my body
and was never seen again.

As I tumbled down the mountain
I held my breath
I fell into your voice,
and as your fingers danced
I howled at the moonlight,
as you wrote your songs
I danced deliriously into the night.
Lux Falls Apr 2018
The candle licks the air
No breeze, just still, hot and sticky
It's so silent that I can hear my cat purr and my ears ring
My drink is warm and my stomach, rumbling,
but I love the flickering of the last and single light,
A love only I can appreciate in this quiet house with no children to interrupt or anyone else to spoil
this little piece of peace.
Written during a blackout.
Lux Falls Feb 2018
The darkness warms me
A thick liquid covering my skin
engulfing every pore
Drowning all of my sins.

I couldn’t tell you what wings feel like
Or what a smile does to my face
I did it once and it felt foreign
But the wind swept it away
To float off as particles into the sky.

I laughed, it might have been yesterday
or a season ago
It didn’t penetrate into my soul
Nor did it let me inhale any pure light
Humans find it addictive
That bright drug.
Lux Falls Jan 2018
He looked at me and asked, “Are you alone?”
I turned to him. “Only when I’m in a crowd”
“Are you lonely?”
“Only when I’m alone.”
Loosely based on a real conversation
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