Tar

Nothing will remain un-inked;
Wounds bleed and
feelings can ****
and that is why
everything must spill.
I can't keep this pent up fire
caged inside my mouth,
the anger, the unfairness of it all
erodes my teeth.

Your medicine wasn't
medicine at all;
more like subtle attempts of
mutilation than a velleity.
And your arms felt like home,
until all love left them,
and they felt like smoke
enveloping me;
you never made it easier to live,
right next to you I couldn't breathe.

I will not miss you because
there is no place safer than
inside the skin
I've slowly learned to love,
inside eroding flesh, eroding cells,
someday I will possess
a brand new vessel,
a stranger to your hell.

And when you'll come knocking
Your utterances will have no gravity;
You cannot heal scars
with a mouth that exhales tar.
You exhale and what your breath
touches falls prey to decay -  
*I wish to remain.

The song we sing together is quite out of tune, yet as it's stuck in our minds we chose to sing along every moment our lips part.

It's a dreadful tune, like ring-around the rosie, we think it's something we can dance and laugh to even though it's a song of death and torture.

Please change the record.

- Julia Aubrey Rhodes -

‪I wrote your name on the walls of my heart, hoping one day you'll find a way in again to see how cold it's been here, how lonely and dark.‬
I scream your name off the rooftops at 3am hoping you'll come back to me
Hoping this was all a nightmare and a mishap from reality.
I dream of you and wake up crying, i want the old you back. Where can I find him laying?
Waiting for me in a grass field with a picnic blanket and lunch laid out, wiping the tears from my cheeks and telling me hush now
It wasn't real darling, you're all mine and forever you'll stay,
Lay with me and let's stare at each other.  For the rest of our Infiniti
I want you and your mind, that's such a beautiful maze.
There's nothing to be afraid of love, now just lay in my arms and know forever here you'll lay.

There were so many nights
I tried to paint the
Summer stars
On my ceiling
But it never worked
And instead i would lay
Saddened
I finally understood what
"Beating a dead horse"
Meant
When i begged you
To care
Over
And over
Again,
But you never did.

I smell the energy rising from you,
drifting swirls of vapour hitting me as
your heat embodies itself in the air's
molecules. I smell the importance of
you, significant to everyone except
me. You're a drug, coursing through their veins and
giving their brains exactly what they have
been craving, yet I am resistant to
your eniticing ways. The promise of that
electric focus as my heart picks up
the pace to follow everyone elses...
it doesn't appeal to me anymore.
I lost my hunger for you a long time
ago, when you started to wear me down,
and now the only drug I will ever
crave again is him.

Toluene*

If I decide to unpack all
my belongings in your arms,
would you let me stay?
Would you still be as mesmeric
as you were when you believed
people were temporary?
Would you let me live
inside your skin?
Because I can't tell where
rapture ends and abstinence begins.