i have tried every attempt to convince myself
im not in love with you.

despite the fact that you still curse my dreams night after night
and every idea I've ever had of love goes back to you.

despite that being around you
gives me a high no drug can compare.

despite that
im a liar.

a liar who can't
stop ******* being in love with you.

i thought of how it's going to be my final year in high school,
senior year,
year 12,
fourth year in high school,
the final year.

and i begin to remember how every time you came home after school and cried on the porch outside.
i heard your cries from the living room.
i remember you telling me everything that happened,
good and bad,
mostly bad.

it made me afraid of high school.
it made me afraid of my senior year.
i don't really remember your smile during that year when it came to school.
i don't want to fill your shoes.
i'm already an anxious person already,
i don't want to be afraid of the year that scares me the most.

forgive me for i have
belittled myself

the grand picture
has disappeared

i seek guidance
yet defy the system
that also just
injects me with treason

I beg of you, let me get high
Because to live with you
I have to lie.

The hardest things are so simple.
but the easiest things are so hard.
Space seems better but,
the closer, the stranger..
The odds are even..
you think you're getting even,
then the oddest things occur..
Special arrangements are canceled,
trying to make everything right..
but effort goes unnoticed..
Left for dead..
Left on read..
the biggest heart is broken and damaged..
Torn between..
being the best that i can..
& the worst i could ever be..
either to fly, or to die..
To stand, or to bury..
Water is life..
but it also kills...
heights are scary....
but they can build confidence..


Im High af..