i was put on death row
the day we met.
november 12, 2014
i became a prisoner.
the jury decided i was guilty
of loving too hard
caring too much.
capital punishment is a little unjust
but you decided 20 to life
just wasn’t enough.

Like rocks in my stomach,
Pulling me down,
I feel such guilt,
But I don't know how.

I do this accidentally,
Every single time,
I always type so hastily.
What is wrong with my mind?

When your mood changes,
I feel so weak.
I know its my fault,
And I almost wish to weep.

I never want to make you hurt,
But I worry that I do,
I wish that I was there,
So I could show that I cared for you.

And every time you end up sad or mad,
Or somewhere in between,
I get so nervous that its over,
Lost for eternity.

I don't know how to apologize,
Other than to say I'm sorry,
But I know its not enough,
You deserve more.

I wish I could give you more.

Guilt of lack of sleep
makes me decide to go to bed early,

Guilt of lack of accomplishments
makes me unable to sleep thinking about it,

Guilt of sleeping in and time wasted
makes me put 3 alarms at 6:01 am, 6:02 am, and 6:05 am,

Guilt of my emotions eating me up,
makes me unable to get up even when Im wide awake,

It turns out that guilt is the only thing I accomplish, allow to eat my day up, and yet can't decide on lacking.

That innocent pure smile,
Of your childish face…
That dimpled wink,
Shows your grace.

The touch of your smooth skin,
That beautiful little chin…
Your mirror-eyes, that show my grin,
So blissful
**** I miss you…

That teethy smile,
And your little nose…
the soft palms and pinky toes,
As alluring as a rose.
i feel, I wish to ……..
****! snowbell I miss you.

I wanna go back,
Bring you….
Start a new day,
With you.
Your phone calls,
No matter the time falls,
Still perfect, your memories are
And the place in heart,
I have for you….
****! Honey, I miss you!

I wish I could correct,
The wrongs I had made…
I want our love,
Never to fade……
I confess my fault.
It’s all my own.
****! I miss you…
I feel Alone…………..

Should I feel guilt,
Should I feel guilty
Becuase you're out there
Loving someone who's not me?

i apologize
for all the things i never said anything
for all the times i didn't speak up
for all the times i let you make me feel uncomfortable in my own skin
for all the times i let you make me feel guilty
for all the times i let you get away it
for all the times i let you win
for all the times i let you make me cry at 2am

i apologize for never telling you
that you were ruining everything about me
that you made me hate myself
and that this hate continues to run through my veins
for you
and for me
and everything that slipped through the cracks in between
as you broke me

Death,
has made me realise,
that one of the worst feelings
in the world
is seeing someone you love
pass away
and in that moment realising
how much little time you spent
with them.

I feel the lull of the sun, day by day, and wonder if I have to

When the moon, hanging on a string, shifts the tides

and pulls me in.

Do I have to

When the screams of glittering stars fall around me

and break in my palms, slicing my hands,

and the sun and the moon beg for my face to turn unwavering

Do I have to