Translucent and cold,
My body doesn't even shiver,
Lips faded to a dull grey,
This isn't old age.
Inside is empty,
As lonely as my shell.
Earth is my personal hell.
They push on my chest,
To rescusitate me.
The blood pumps and for a while,
I'm alive again.
My previous corpse blown away.
But it doesn't take long,
I soon become fragile,
And my insides shatter like glass.
A 100 cuts just in my mind.
Walking down the street you wouldn't tell.
For I delicately place my mask on every day.
To hide my pain and Shame.

I've got that feeling once again,
After staying up til 3 A.M,
When insecurities start to creep,
And I curse myself for lack of sleep.

It seems I have no way of knowing,
Which way my thought process is going,
One day I'm happy, the next I'm glum,
And console myself with smoke and ***.

I try to find a compromise-
Get blasted drunk, and close my eyes,
But the world keeps spinning round and round,
Bottle's empty- no peace found.

Like the Irish airman in the sky,
I seem to watch as other lives flash by,
Then I pass out, hoping I'll never know,
The places those tormented souls must go.

Never have I seen your purest smile
Nor see it shine

I don't know if it's just me
But I know I can see

Those eyes didn't glisten
Your lips have never widen

You always say that you're happy
But please stop pretending
Don't think of me so lowly
I can sense that you're lonely

It hurts to see you like this
But what else can I do?
You never wanted me to
Be that one who catches you

Up till now
I don't know how
I want you to show

The place i'd mend
To let you know that it's not the end

Just show me your broken pieces
I shall heal them with my kisses

My gums are bleeding;
I've brushed too hard.
Because my words,
Were much too harsh.
And it seems to me
That I'm trying to scrub them away.
And I'm praying that they will not
Stay.

You taught me how to float
When I was sinking.
So why was it
That you allowed yourself to
Drown?

I swallowed the sun,
Because I wanted to be light.
But I followed the moon,
Because I missed the balance.

My life is so bland
  My heart is so bitter
   My mind is full of lies
    And my lungs feel as if they are collapsing.

Everyday is the same
  It's like I'm not even a living creature
   I feel like a robot
    That is programmed to do the same thing
      Every single day.

Anger laps at my heart
  Like a raging flame
   I clench my fists
    My knuckles turn milky white
     I hate myself so f-cking much.

Everyday I tell myself that I am okay;
  I am all right
   I am alive  
    I tell myself I am beautiful,
     And even though my body is small
      (and very skinny)
        It is unique and perfect.

But I know deep down
  I am nowhere near perfection;
   Nowhere near beauty
    And I know that I am not okay
     I'm not all right
     I am breathing
       But I am d e a d.

My lungs yearn for the cool spring air
  I long to go outside
   While blissfully inhaling
    The smell before the spring shower
     But I can't
      I am stuck in winter,
       I am frozen solid.

I am a burned out light bulb
  I am the worthless blade of dead grass
  I am the hazardous oil that spills into the sea
    I am the gloomy rain clouds
     I am the raging storm.

Basically
  I am worthless
  And everday
   The same question floats into my mind
    "Why am I still breathing?"