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Joshua Dougan Jan 2021
i feel older now.
you can feel the stakes change.
aging, children, marriage, ... death.
bills become more worrisome.
money gets tight.
dreams diminish
thought stretched.
... death.
Im sorry to the ones who didnt get to say goodbye.
the ones who couldnt go on.
for those who gave up.
im sorry.
I cant imagine suffocating like that.
except i can. and it hurts
I love you
Godspeed loved one.
Joshua Dougan Sep 2019
I'm going to disconnect, I am a Luddite.
This crap is evil, it's no pie in the sky sunshine.
Distractions make you stupid is as stupid does.
I'm not even joking, it's looping in to dupe the duds.
Every single person addicted as the day is long.
No one talks about it, just ******* about play and song.
A black mirror for your black soul, its a raw deal.
A sad state that you're trapped whole to a sawmill.
A bunch of headless chickens concerned about the dirt.
You're really just feckless, perturbed, and proud of your hurt.
Masochistic in nature, addicted to dependence in head.
I've found you all hate to be happy and pander to fear instead...
You hate yourselves, what you've become is nothing.
It's not very fair, or solace, but to some its something.
I guess ill leave you with that, there's really nothing else to say.
Except maybe... try for freedom, and loving health today.
Joshua Dougan Sep 2019
fine tuned frequencies lay at my palm
expanding mind eager to strain the song.
Notes undulating unearthing a setting tone.
expanse fraying its end to trembling hone.
Assembling home, to carefully move away.
ascending the dome we fully soothe;sway.
Playing with the darkness on doomsday.
the globe centers its interest to true phrase.
Joshua Dougan Sep 2019
Lost and Broken we try to reason ourselves sane.
Inching forward stoking the treason, we felt change.
We felt Chains, and dealt pain to keep our cells clean.
We jumped off of a crazy train to keep a failed dream.
I know you don't understand, you wouldn't care to.
a very underhanded thought but a fair truth.

Sincerely yours,
Despaired Youth
Joshua Dougan Sep 2019
As I look at a screen I read up on Screen addiction.
Im hooked and I steep, what a mean affliction.
Joshua Dougan Sep 2019
phone in the drawer,  alone with my thoughts.
i drone on to a bore, a stone with no plot.
approaching soul rot, im thrown out of the door.
a moan so unsure, ive grown so distraught.
Joshua Dougan Mar 2018
I run and I run away from those feelings.
I drug up my lungs, I pray for soul healing.
But I'ma mute, it's truth with shady dealings
I recuse and lose, it is my daily beatings.
It's got a grip on my throat, my heart in a vise
And I trip over my goals with hardened advice.
A charcoal ladened vice and a pardoned crime.
It Leaves me crippled, like im charting high tides.
If you need me to spell it out you won't understand.
You see me in hell, a self inflicted somber glance.
An argument with one helluva colder trance.
A trance that has me blundering over chance.
You can try to help me but you will fall short.
Cause this monster is huge, with a long cord
Wrapping it around my neck, tears drawn.
Drowning, all around while these fears spawn.
Generalized anxiety with obsessive compulsion and silent depression.
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