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Joshua Dougan Mar 2018
I run and I run away from those feelings.
I drug up my lungs, I pray for soul healing.
But I'ma mute, it's truth with shady dealings
I recuse and lose, it is my daily beatings.
It's got a grip on my throat, my heart in a vise
And I trip over my goals with hardened advice.
A charcoal ladened vice and a pardoned crime.
It Leaves me crippled, like im charting high tides.
If you need me to spell it out you won't understand.
You see me in hell, a self inflicted somber glance.
An argument with one helluva colder trance.
A trance that has me blundering over chance.
You can try to help me but you will fall short.
Cause this monster is huge, with a long cord
Wrapping it around my neck, tears drawn.
Drowning, all around while these fears spawn.
Generalized anxiety with obsessive compulsion and silent depression.
Joshua Dougan Mar 2018
Guess what?
Ive met my purpose,
My head's up and I've blessed the curses.
Last thing I wanna do is start blasphemin
Truth on the surface
Cause you're my Lord, Jesus, now I'm believing you.
And I'm worthless ...

I watched you carry your cross and blessed behold ya
A child was born in Bethlehem and now it's finished, on the road in Golgotha.
A scourge taken, striped with blood and denied your Haven.
They spit on you... And you felt God forsaken.
But You asked and your father forgave them

Your mother watched as they tortured you.
Your breathing stopped just short of your fortitude
left you atop The cross, with a sordid view
Stripped of your clothing they were doubled and quartered too.
Gambled upon like the souls of subtle who murdered you.

It's your servitude.
Joshua Dougan Mar 2018
Guess what?
Ive met my purpose,
My head's up and I've blessed the curses.
Last thing I wanna do is start blasphemin
Truth on the surface
Cause you're my Lord, Jesus, now I'm believing you.
And I'm worthless ...

I watched you carry your cross and blessed behold ya
A child was born in Bethlehem and now it's finished, on the road in Golgotha.
A scourge taken, striped with blood and denied your Haven.
They spit on you... And you felt God forsaken.
You asked and your father forgave them

Your mother watched as they tortured you.
Your breathing stopped short of your fortitude
And left you atop The cross, with a sordid view
Stripped of your clothing they were doubled and quartered.
Gambled upon like the souls of subtle who murdered.
  Mar 2017 Joshua Dougan
Jennifer Weiss
There are days where I do not know
Anything but, "I love you, Lord."
And when it seems I can't bear it most,
I turn to you Oh, Lord.
I am not perfect.
I am a mess.
But I am complete.
In Christ the one who rescued me.
I'll sing it all day long.
I need you, Jesus.
Joshua Dougan Mar 2017
He died for our sins, all transgression put to the test.
So Repent on your shins and the lesson's put to its rest.
I long for his blessings, for gods love and forgiveness.
Though I don't feel worthy, I'm not born of the gifted.
He's Someone I revere, respect and hold dear.
Yet feel so distant... A dark cold for the wretched owed here.
But there is light...
In the white of my sons eyes.
now I read the stories and suddenly realize...
For God loves the world that he gave his one and only son.
That whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
A paternal cry...
And the sacrifice that showcased his love for every one who's by his side.
Joshua Dougan Feb 2017
I gave someone an inch, they dragged me for miles.
Called me "*******"; some laughed but no one smiled.
Now I'm suffering like this, this bastardized trial.
Lovers that hit while they kiss its the standard I've reviled
I'm tired. I admit I'm soured to the pit.
But this fire that's within is like the flowers to the kids.
Disclaimer: This is not inspired by my life. This poem just evolved from the first two lines. I love my wife, I love my kids, so this more or less is about the moment when someone opens themselves up to abusive people.
Joshua Dougan Feb 2017
Playing through the scratches and blemishes to reveal a time less complicated.
Ever find that "mix tape" cd in the dark corner of some crevice, badly beaten to hell waiting for you to put it out of its misery and instead you pop it in a player and it by the grace of God plays every single song taking you back in time?
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