Platonic Friendships
Best friends until death do us part
Photographs and reactions
My anxiety starts
Does she like that sweater you got her?
Is it the one you got me?
I know I probably sound crazy to you
But this is making sense to me
A quick photo of you guys
Not just you two but three
But the only guy in that
Photo and you’re standing next to Na-
No I’m not jealous of her
Because I really can’t be
But seeing you happy with
Another girl can’t help but **** me
I know you won’t kiss or hold
Another body the way you do mine
But the conversations we have
The places we go, do you share that stuff? Don’t lie
I grow with bitterness And the flowers I had
Die in an instant and I grow so mad
Because I took the time to mend myself
And make sure I never spoil this
And when I finally explode
We talk until we don’t know
And it ends up being a problem dismissed
Sometimes I grow angry
But tell myself im fine
I mentally yell
Can she find a boyfriend and
Stop hanging out with mine
Platonic friendships
What a concept
Guess im not in with the times
I worry that you’ll grow tired of my rage
And leave me behind
And I don’t think id be fine
What if there comes a time
That she finds a guy
And he starts asking why
Why she hangs around one
Particular guy who just so happens to be mine?
What would she say?
What would she do?
I guess you’ll never get it
Because how could you?
If I had a guy
Who I say is my friend
Would you lie
And say its fine
Just like I do?
Or would you do neither?
I don’t know what your heart looks like around her
And I don’t know what hers looks like either
When shes sitting there and you pop out your camera
And you take photographs of her do you glance at her beauty
The way you glance at me when we sit in car seats
and you’re clearly seeing through me
Im sorry im just not use to this
Platonic friendships
But I wont be ashamed for feeling
And I’m not very good at concealing
These feelings im healing
Im trying
I’m not one to really cry
I guess I’ll never get it
Because how could I?
I could never catch
A movie with another guy
I could never handpick
a gift for another guy
share my life with another guy
laugh and smile for another guy
how could i? how could i.
you say my definition of best friends seems
to be outdated
but its hard to adjust to modernity
and to be honest i hate it
coffee talk and movie watch
the whispers that you breathe
piece of you all over my body
and you carry pieces of me
I think ******* this is gonna hurt
if you ever decide to leave
but my heart is in the right place
and I just hope you see
I want it to be me
Always want it to be me
It might be selfish but I don’t care
Because being your soulmate
Is worth every strand of hair
You put me first and love me tender
And I want you to be happy
Wherever and with whoever
It’s just that smile of yours
My piece of heaven on earth
I wanna be the reason for that
And if its anyone else itd hurt
but you could never write
about another girl
start a life with another girl
write a book for another girl
sing lovely songs for another girl
paint the future with another
share yourself with another girl
hold and kiss another girl
so why do I care about another girl?

I don't want you to reach out
After you let me fall
I don't want you to reach out
Even while I stand alone
I want nobody to care
If I live or die
But even while I stand alone
I look at you and cry

I wish
I could be strong enough
To be with you
To love you
But my whole life
I have been drowning
Drowning in guilt
Drowning in self-hatred
And now I've escaped
I've found the truth
My truth
And I threw off the guilt
Opened the curtains
Let in the light
And embraced this new person
But this new person
Still has the faults of the old
She's guilty
About new things
And about the same things
But guilty none the less
And she needs people to tell her
That it's okay
That what she wants to do is okay
And that in the end
The only thing
She should feel guilty for
Is not staying true to herself

Let's walk together
This fine line
Of love and hate

Let's find each other
A profound joy
To replicate

Let's learn and love
And laugh with joy
As the world around us dissolves

Let's carry our hearts
And heal through the pain
As our love slowly evolves

i had a dream
i was out and about
and midway the tears
suddenly started dripping
onto thy cheeks relentlessly,
i woke up feeling as if my
soul is just too sad
to ever be happy
wherever it may be.

How much of me can I be without it being too much?
How much of me do I have to be to be enough?
I’ve got problems with managing myself, I've got issues with accommodating myself.
Not one of you can answer those question, not one of you can fix that problem.

since we've talked
since you picked him
since my bones have healed
since I learned to love myself
since I left you
since you called me a liar
since I lost the person
I thought I'd love forever

-em vidar

i let my hair down for you
because that's how you like it
tousled in my face
imitating life's chaos
a chaos we cling to
because we don't know any different

still telling ourselves
that we crave stability
but we know how the story goes
seeking comfort
loathing change
forgetting that our comfort lies in pain

imposters we've become
pawns in our own game
having yet to learn
that bliss only follows
those who let go

enduring a new kind of angst
but only for a moment
then letting it pass
and living to adore it

asked this blue thing 'bout how it feels to feel,
see, i can't grammar correctly
incoherent with emotional controversy, i believe
that my humanity is now a political catastrophe
******* it, stop policing me.
dare i live my life without an explanation, how?

rearrange the order for my indignant tones
just as you misinterpret every other word

an answer to every probing curiosity--a light word
for the darkness in your intentions.
speaking in tongues, how is it that this isn't over yet?
i'm getting ... inconsistent, irrational, yellow
like sparks flickering, a pinwheel of doubt

and red for the spin of insecurity, insincerity, breaking
the protocols for social interactions,
because you tell me i am not allowed to feel, i feel

scared.