of faking smiles,
pretending im okay

im very very tired
of breaking and beating myself
trying to fit into your cage

im very very tired
of hearing "how are you"s on campus
and knowing that a fleeting friendly second isn't enough to explain

im very very tired
of going out at night and drinking my problems away

im very very tired
of selling myself to feel like i have worth

im very very tired
and sleep just isn't helping

For you,
I'd do anything.
But you,
would you do the same?
I see you,
I watch you through your window.
I watch you,
as you cry softly to your pillow.
I want to run to you,
But you don't want the same
I know you don't care,
You've forgotten my name.

I wrote a poem about Alzheimer's..


Too bad I forgot it

Oil and water
Know best.
I know not,
neither all,
but some.
Not like day or night who forgot eachother; not like nothing,
tossed earth,
or the far reaching fur on the dandelion.
But north and north,
equivalent magnetism/ illogical mathematics/ where two hands tire
(push our poles together
despite us) wanting to cease,
but don't.

I forget how many kisses we've shared,
but I know how many more we'll share when I'm back.

"Hey, sweets! How was your trip?"
or
"Hey, love :) Hope you had a good time!"
or even
"Hey, I missed you."

No.

You forgot.

Hours after you get home, I sit waiting,
Not knowing when you would get home.

I was home at two yesterday.
I had service at eleven.
I left the cabin at nine in the morning
A six hour car ride
Wondering if you missed me, because I sure as hell missed you.

And I get a "hi."

i am not a slave to your uncontrollable emotion.

Where is my promised land?
Where is the land of peace?
What about all the things you put me through?
What about all the things I did for you?
Did you forget about the way you held my hand?
Did you think you would not see my grief?

You took away my promised land.

All that I did, I did for you.

All that I have, I had from you.

All that is gone is because of you.