I am not a forgiving person
And you never should have asked
And every time I gave it to you
I told you to do it again
Except I begged you not to
You couldn’t seem to stop breaking my heart
No matter how hard you tried
At least I hope you were trying
Maybe you wanted to see how far you could go
Before I wouldn’t allow you back
And I let you do it
This is on me
Except I realise now it was all a lie
Every time I forgave you
It was me blaming myself
Telling myself it wasn’t your fault
And therefore you didn’t need my forgiveness
But I couldn’t forgive myself
I can’t forgive you for letting me die alone
I could never
And I will never forget how it felt
Every time I close my eyes
I suppose they say everybody dies alone
But it’s another thing to live it
You made me choose
I chose you over me
Your happiness over my life
And I chose wrong

Master of Arts
The soul of mine, I cannot find!
I’m lost in the ocean, amongst crashing waves — I’m almost blind!
Mastering of Arts, I beg of you — let the fates be kind

I have been good, haven’t I?
I’ve fed my body well and kept my healthy veins —
... my mistake was that I hadn’t fed another
anything but grains —
But, I don’t understand? I too am a man!
with needs of my own, and I support a wealthy land!
I have wives that lay by me, I feed them well with my hand
Is that not enough for you master? Sight o’foreseeable! What comes of me now? too lay like a fish? I hope that comes by faster!

The waves ripple,
the water crashing by at my feet
I scatter away, frightened by the coming dribble
The sky was turning dark — an upcoming storm was to pass by, I had no shelter and nothing here to eat

My stomach growled, too loud of a sound
It had been awhile since it’d done that, I was always kept satisfied
Now, nothing’s here — not fishes nor ground
The sky roared, electrified
The storm was approaching too soon!
No blues, No light loomed
Overhead. Only the thundering boom.

Too much to bear! Too much too weigh!
Oh Master of Arts!
I’m sorry I hadn’t looked down the lanes!
I saw them too, Ah! They had been too frail and somber!
Starving all day!

Forgive me, Master! I won’t make another...
the seas are crashing courses with their waves,
Stronger each time, “I don’t have all day to be saved!”
But lightning struck, and I swore to keep my place in line
now isn’t the time to be a swine!

Selfishness is another seed to be taken, enough to make you blind
Master of Arts
I swear to you,
I’ll pay more mind
to the frail, aching bodies of the souls
in need
I have enough — I swear it! — to feed!

Master of Arts,
Let the fates be kind..
I swear I have changed, my mind, my acts, my scroll
Amidst all
I have realized
My role

I used to want to **** myself,
so I did. I killed myself.
but not in the way that
you're thinking.

I killed the old me.

I murdered her bad habits
and tore apart her self-hatred.
I cut off her toxic "friends"
and blocked most of the
contacts in her old phone.
I kidnapped her and took
her on a relaxing vacation.
I taught her a lesson on how  
she deserved to be treated.
I gifted her with new clothes
and some therapy sessions
and a newfound sense
of long overdue self-respect.
I took every part of who she was
and every single detail that she
hated about herself, and I
squashed those feelings
with my bare hands.



I killed myself
without taking my own life

and a confident, loving,
unbelievably beautiful woman
rose from her ashes.

When was the last time you felt loved?
When was the last time you let down of your walls and be vulnerable?
When was the last time you said "I love you" sincerely?
Dates? Months? Years?

Nah! it was all because of that stupid person whom you gave your all and received none in return that made you skeptical after all.
The butterflies that used to be in your stomach already left,
gone with the person you thought were your meant.

But hey, lovelies!
Blame not the love but the lover.
It's time to give yourself some love.
A love coming from you,
not from others.

Self-love!
By the time you are ready to love again,
By the time you find the person to be vulnerable with again,
By the time you speak love sincerely again,
It's no longer for someone else's sake
Because you know you are worthy of the love you deserve.

you chide me
   to right me
then you utter an apology
    although you don't need to
for you'll never tolerate if hurt hurts me

you swallow guilt
   and I swallow resentment
I fill myself with fury and ****** it all to you
    Do I ever care if it hurts you?
Zillion apologies emerge from you, but not even one emerges from me

Forgive me.
The world is busy,
stormed with shards of uncertainty
that razor at the ropes of sanity,
till only frays remain, stumped at my thumb,
light in my grip.
Its times like these that I sink;
Kind faces become blurry blobs of expectation,
Waiting hands are impatient in their skin,
Opening and closing with the clasping closeness that feels choking.
I am smothered by the too much
and bury my head beneath the deluge.
The quagmire blots my ears,
Muffles the movements
All the sounds of all the somethings
going about the day.
In the ignorance I remain saved,
Every thought just about intelligible
Every feeling a negligible waver on this frequency.
Forgive me, hold me accountable for the hurt that I cause.
But the world is busy
And all I crave is quiet.