Why do you do that?
Why do you cover your mouth like that?
Do you think you’ll keep it all in?
Has that ever worked before?
Or is it to keep everything out?
Has that worked either?
Look at you,
Look at what they made you.
At what who made me?
I couldn’t tell you that
But I wasn’t meant to be like this,
I swear I wasn’t.
I catch glimpses of myself
And I want to scream
‘Look at me!
This was who I’m meant to be!’
And then I let her go
And she leaves me behind.
I could run after her
But how much would it hurt?
How much does everything hurt?
Too much.
Always just a little too much for me.
So lie still
And listen to your breath.
Remember when it left you,
How much you begged to breathe again.
You pleaded with the darkness,
After you let it in
And now here you are.
Alive, like you wanted to be.
Didn’t you?
Is this what you wanted?
I just want the voices to stop,
To love and be loved in peace.
I’ve only ever wanted peace.
Try a little harder,
For a little longer.
Please
You can’t give up now.
Make it all worth it,
I dare you.

I fell in love in springtime,
Tripped over myself
To have the one thing
I thought I never wanted,
And yet I wondered
What it would be like in the summertime.
I loved you in the summer too,
With warmth as I hoped I would.
Your face covered in freckles
Always made me smile.
I loved you in the autumn time,
Through loss
I cried alone.
The last of summers warmth left me,
But I still had you.
I loved you through the winter
And we broke both our hearts,
But I never stopped,
Not even for a second.
Still I am yours
And I will love you until another spring,
Until you come back to me,
Until your freckles return
Along with my warmth.
And when the cold returns
The warmth won’t be lost.
I’ll hold you close my love
When spring returns.

I am sick with weariness,
As is all the world.
We are sick of you little girl.
To watch you cry is our blessing,
Your suffering brings us joy.
We’d love to see you bleed again.
Break your hand once more,
We want to watch you crumble.
Fade away into the darkness.
We wish you’d disappear.
Try to leave it all behind again,
But try harder this time
And maybe you’ll succeed
At last.
The silence you leave will be blissful,
There will be no hole to fill.
It will be as if you never were,
As it should be.
A world without you will be a gift,
We hope to watch you burn.
Turn to dust
And be scattered into nothingness
Where you belong.

I cry alone
Because I cannot bear to see you cry
And I cannot bear it if you don’t.
My pain is mine alone
And I will not let you judge me,
Dismiss me
And belittle me,
Or care for me either.
I do not want your pity,
Or your disdain either.
I want peace
But I have nothing of the sort.
I have my own pain
And the loneliness it brings.
There is no other way.

I am death,
Behold the darkness in me.
I am nothing
And I am everything all at once.
Watch my body burn.

Close your eyes little girl
And scream if it makes you feel
Anything at all,
Cry if it helps.
Feel the air in your lungs
And hold it for a while,
For as long as you can
If it makes you feel alive,
If it keeps you here with me.
Grind your teeth together
And squeeze your eyes shut,
If it keeps the demons at bay.
Block the world out for a moment
And let your breathe escape.
One long unbroken sigh.
Then let it all back in.

I’m a little too shy to kiss you when I’m sober
And I didn’t know if you’d want me to,
So I just glance in your direction
From time to time,
And see if you look back.
I thought I caught you looking
But my brain tells me I’m wrong.
I have to be wrong, right?
And when I woke up next to you
I couldn’t help but smile.
I’m not smiling anymore.
Because silence hurts so much more now
And I can’t stop wondering what I did wrong.
I liked it,
I liked you,
I wanted you to like me too.