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Lola Feb 24
I cry alone
Because I cannot bear to see you cry
And I cannot bear it if you don’t.
My pain is mine alone
And I will not let you judge me,
Dismiss me
And belittle me,
Or care for me either.
I do not want your pity,
Or your disdain either.
I want peace
But I have nothing of the sort.
I have my own pain
And the loneliness it brings.
There is no other way.
Lola Dec 2021
I am death,
Behold the darkness in me.
I am nothing
And I am everything all at once.
Watch my body burn.
Lola Dec 2021
Close your eyes little girl
And scream if it makes you feel
Anything at all,
Cry if it helps.
Feel the air in your lungs
And hold it for a while,
For as long as you can
If it makes you feel alive,
If it keeps you here with me.
Grind your teeth together
And squeeze your eyes shut,
If it keeps the demons at bay.
Block the world out for a moment
And let your breathe escape.
One long unbroken sigh.
Then let it all back in.
Lola Dec 2021
I’m a little too shy to kiss you when I’m sober
And I didn’t know if you’d want me to,
So I just glance in your direction
From time to time,
And see if you look back.
I thought I caught you looking
But my brain tells me I’m wrong.
I have to be wrong, right?
And when I woke up next to you
I couldn’t help but smile.
I’m not smiling anymore.
Because silence hurts so much more now
And I can’t stop wondering what I did wrong.
I liked it,
I liked you,
I wanted you to like me too.
Lola Dec 2021
I think I'm too broken to be loved.
There's not enough of me to give to you,
it's all twisted and scarred
and you wouldn't want it.
I expect to be abandoned
and I am used to loneliness,
It's bitter taste sits on my tongue
as it has always done.
You could ask me what's wrong
but I'm not even sure anymore.
It's the echo of misery in my soul,
the imprint it left on me
or rather the scar,
so many scars
to make sure that I don't forget.
I can't forget that I'm broken
and to tell the truth
there's not enough left to love.
Lola Nov 2021
I stare into the flames
and wonder what it would be like to burn,
to feel anything at all
except for this agonising numbness.
My eyes close slowly,
my breaths come slowly,
as if I could disappear for a while.
Take up so little space,
separate from the world for a minute
and make this feeling go away,
make these screaming thoughts stop
and allow me a moment of peace.
Lola Sep 2021
Hold my hand
Tight enough to hurt.
Dig your nails in
As hard as you can
To keep me grounded here.
I’m begging you not to let me go.
Just look at me like you might love me
And I’ll imagine the rest
Because that’s all I know.
Hold me close,
As tight as you can,
Tight enough so I can’t breathe.
Hold me there like you can keep me safe
And I’ll imagine that you care enough to try.
Take a step beside me
Then take a thousand more
Walk the world with me
A lifetime at my side
And don’t stop until I do
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