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Lola Feb 2023
I fell in love in springtime,
Tripped over myself
To have the one thing
I thought I never wanted,
And yet I wondered
What it would be like in the summertime.
I loved you in the summer too,
With warmth as I hoped I would.
Your face covered in freckles
Always made me smile.
I loved you in the autumn time,
Through loss
I cried alone.
The last of summers warmth left me,
But I still had you.
I loved you through the winter
And we broke both our hearts,
But I never stopped,
Not even for a second.
Still I am yours
And I will love you until another spring,
Until you come back to me,
Until your freckles return
Along with my warmth.
And when the cold returns
The warmth won’t be lost.
I’ll hold you close my love
When spring returns.
Lola Dec 2022
I am sick with weariness,
As is all the world.
We are sick of you little girl.
To watch you cry is our blessing,
Your suffering brings us joy.
We’d love to see you bleed again.
Break your hand once more,
We want to watch you crumble.
Fade away into the darkness.
We wish you’d disappear.
Try to leave it all behind again,
But try harder this time
And maybe you’ll succeed
At last.
The silence you leave will be blissful,
There will be no hole to fill.
It will be as if you never were,
As it should be.
A world without you will be a gift,
We hope to watch you burn.
Turn to dust
And be scattered into nothingness
Where you belong.
Lola Feb 2022
I cry alone
Because I cannot bear to see you cry
And I cannot bear it if you don’t.
My pain is mine alone
And I will not let you judge me,
Dismiss me
And belittle me,
Or care for me either.
I do not want your pity,
Or your disdain either.
I want peace
But I have nothing of the sort.
I have my own pain
And the loneliness it brings.
There is no other way.
Lola Dec 2021
I am death,
Behold the darkness in me.
I am nothing
And I am everything all at once.
Watch my body burn.
Lola Dec 2021
Close your eyes little girl
And scream if it makes you feel
Anything at all,
Cry if it helps.
Feel the air in your lungs
And hold it for a while,
For as long as you can
If it makes you feel alive,
If it keeps you here with me.
Grind your teeth together
And squeeze your eyes shut,
If it keeps the demons at bay.
Block the world out for a moment
And let your breathe escape.
One long unbroken sigh.
Then let it all back in.
Lola Dec 2021
I’m a little too shy to kiss you when I’m sober
And I didn’t know if you’d want me to,
So I just glance in your direction
From time to time,
And see if you look back.
I thought I caught you looking
But my brain tells me I’m wrong.
I have to be wrong, right?
And when I woke up next to you
I couldn’t help but smile.
I’m not smiling anymore.
Because silence hurts so much more now
And I can’t stop wondering what I did wrong.
I liked it,
I liked you,
I wanted you to like me too.
Lola Dec 2021
I think I'm too broken to be loved.
There's not enough of me to give to you,
it's all twisted and scarred
and you wouldn't want it.
I expect to be abandoned
and I am used to loneliness,
It's bitter taste sits on my tongue
as it has always done.
You could ask me what's wrong
but I'm not even sure anymore.
It's the echo of misery in my soul,
the imprint it left on me
or rather the scar,
so many scars
to make sure that I don't forget.
I can't forget that I'm broken
and to tell the truth
there's not enough left to love.
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